My friend died I don’t know how - I’m so so sad

[losssohard]

My friend died, she was in her late 40s it’s been around 9 days. I don’t know how, I found out through a mutual friend. Nothing has been said by the family yet I believe. I am devastated. I posted a card through to her husband. I do not expect a reply, I don’t need one.

She was a friend who listened, we didn’t see each other often but we had a strong connection. I can’t describe it - she thought so much of me and I thought so much of her.

I feel so exhausted, I don’t have anyone to grieve with although my DH did know her, we had gone for dinner with her and her husband, we’d been to their wedding, we did talk to them but we never had time to do lots together. I miss her and I feel so bad I haven’t seen her more. Because I don’t know life got busy, I just can’t believe it, I feel so heavy.

I just wanted to say here cos I have no one else to talk to.

I'm sorry for your loss. 💐

I’m so sorry for your loss. How very tragic and sad. Can you make contact with your friends husband as you spent time together?

Thank you. We just believed in each other, we listened to each other, we had similar values. I just don’t have another friend like her - I don’t and I just didn’t see her enough or spend enough time with her,

@LadyGAgaini feel it’s too soon 9 days? Also I don’t know if I should, like we should give them time, the kids. The gorgeous kids. I’m just so sad. I don’t have a friend like her because no one else is like her.

I could just be 100% myself with her, I don’t know how to describe it. I don’t know if I should text her husband. Yes we know each other, he’s so kind, so lovely, I feel so so sad for him too.

Oh OP I’m so sorry for your loss, you sound like such a lovely friend. I would definitely reach out to your friend’s husband and just let him know how much she was loved by you and that you’re here should they need anything. Never is going to be the perfect time and you don’t want to regret never reaching out in hopes of finding the right time. I hope you’re okay x

I'm so sorry you lost your friend. That's heartbreaking. I would definitely contact her husband to see if there's anything you can do for them.

I'm so sorry you lost your friend. That's heartbreaking. I would definitely contact her husband to see if there's anything you can do for them.

I'm so sorry you lost your friend. That's heartbreaking. I would definitely contact her husband to see if there's anything you can do for them.

So sorry, I'm not sure why my posts keep repeating.

Thank you, yes I will tomorrow morning. I did write a card and put our numbers in there. My contact with him was through my friend but I’d see him every day as we live close and we both would leave around the same time to take our kids to school. My friend worked away a lot during the week.

she was so loving, so deeply caring, so open and vulnerable with her feelings, we could talk for hours, oh she was just so so so beautiful in so many ways. I’m so shocked at her loss, so so shocked, I feel so sad for her mum, her dad, her sisters, the children, she had a very close group of friends that I met at her wedding and they were like her sisters.

Professionally she was highly regarded, I feel for her colleagues. She was so busy in her life but would have time for me, I felt so understood and deeply valued. It is so so so devastating I just can’t believe it.

As someone who has recently lost a partner, please do reach out. It was lovely receiving messages from people that knew DH, even if I'd never met them (some were teammates on various football teams he'd played for over the years etc) it was wonderful to hear how well thought of he was & just how many lives he'd touched just by being his amazing self.

I agree, you never regret contacting someone in this instance. Go round, drop a meal off or some home baking, anything to make his life easier and show you care.

im so sorry for your loss ❤️

I did drop a card off when I heard I didn’t want to intrude, I will send a text later this morning. What sort of meal should I make?

@MoreThanOverwhelmedI’m so very sorry.

I’ve sent a text and I will cook something. No idea what but ideas welcome I’m a decent cook.

My mum made us (I have 2 young DC) a lasagne that I could portion into smaller bowls & heat in the microwave for the children's dinner when cooking was just too much effort.
Some other friends filled my freezer with frozen ready meals so I could at least feed the kids a hot dinner if all else failed.

Thank you @MoreThanOverwhelmedx

I have sent a whatsapp this morning so hopefully he’ll pick that up at some point.

I hope to cook tomorrow so will drop something by, what dishes/containers would you use, something disposable?

one of my close friends died in March and it’s been so hard. 9wks from her diagnosis to death and I visited daily in the last few weeks. Sadly cancer spread to her brain and she was not with it in the last few weeks but I took her dog to lie next to her every day. I miss her a lot. It’s hard for you not knowing the reason. 5 months on, I am finding it easier. Going to the places alone with my dog has been incredibly hard, it all feels so unfair and also made me realise life is so fragile. She was only 57.

A lasagna would be something easy to make in a disposable foil tray you can buy from the supermarket. Or maybe a cook voucher if you have one nearby. Even a mac & cheese if they have kids, maybe some garlic bread. I’m sure he will be very appreciative. I know in the US they do meal trains for families / friends which is a lovely idea.

Yes hard not knowing the reason. of course I feel just incredibly sad, I know they have a lot of local friends and a lot of family locally. I’m not sure how food would go down. I know he is a private man but I know there is a lot of people around too.

Hello just to say I haven’t made anything yet, it’s just my friend’s husband is such a private man. I will make them something, I thought maybe after the funeral when it’s got quieter.

I feel so sad and think about her all the time. Is it weird of me to google her to try find answers. Is wrong of me to wonder why she died? I just miss her so much.

we don’t share many friends, we share several acquaintances - the one main friend who told me the news we mainly text about how sad we feel. Thinking of her and the children.

I just feel so sad, nothing really seems to matter when people say stuff to me, I just think she’s gone and all these things that matter to people really don’t matter. Is it even my business to know how and why she died. It’s not I guess, it’s just so so sad. So incredibly sad.

That's incredibly sad, @losssohard really sorry for the loss of your dear friend. You clearly had a profound connection with her, what a terrible shame.

from how you describe her, it seems like she had a full, rich life, which is what we all wish for, for the people we love, that their time on earth was fulfilling and an all-round great experience. She contributed a lot, through her friendship with you, her career, her family. That's a life well led.

you're doing all the right things, taking time to celebrate her life. And also thinking about her husband and what you can do to support him. That's lovely. Often once the funeral has happened, that's when it goes quiet, everyone naturally gets back to their lives and routines, so your thought about helping her husband then is a good one.

even if he doesn't respond to your WA, I'm sure it will be of comfort to him. Maybe he will let you know what happened, to give you some closure. Early days for him, must be a terrible shock if it all happened suddenly without warning.