How to support DH through the next steps

[Ihatelittlefriendsusan]

Dh had a 16 year old son who tragically passed away earlier this year. The details are outing but suffice to say it should not have happened, huge amount of negligence involved, in particular by his son, exw and son's medical team.

Dh has had some bereavement counselling and his next run should start in a few weeks. However, his sons birthday and the inquest hearing are all due before then and I am really worried about how DH is going to handle this. And then we get slammed with first Christmas and then the 1 year anniversary.

I am struggling under the pressure of being DH's only real outlet. His parents and Sister have basically left it all to me and then added the weight of their grief when we have seen them.

I am not sure how to help him get through the next firsts.

I have no one to ask because I don't know anyone who has lost a child...I mean it isn't supposed to happen!
I am so sorry to anyone who has been through this, but if you have do you have any tips or things to avoid maybe?

We are still very much at the "one day at a time" stage still.

His parents and sister seem to think he should have gotten over it by now. They have literally told me that it's happened, can't be changed so he just needs to get over it and move on.

He's doing so much better, but like you say the weirdest things take his legs out from under him and he doesn't always know what it will be.

I am trying to just let him do him and grieve in his way and just be here when needed.

They are fuckwits then, aren't they?

There's is no 'over it'. You don't 'move on'. You live with the loss and you grow round it like a tree growing round a nail hammered into it. The nail's always still there, the tree grows and changes and thrives with the nail there and brings the nail inside itself as it does. Or something.

Sorry, I went sweary then poetical!

It has done so much damage to his relationship with them. And mine. They live an 8 hour drive away which I am so glad of.

They are his family and he is trying to be the bigger person but I simply cannot forgive the callous nature of their comments.

I have tried to explain that he will never not be sad etc but it falls on deaf ears.