Page 4 | The thoughtless things people say..

blackheartsgirl · 2024-09-05T19:25:15+00:00

It’s been just over 3 years now for me.. I have had a huge wobble the past couple of days, about my late dh and my late dm (ten months) A close friend today who is still married, has both her parents, siblings who live close by and helpful children made me feel like shit as she was quite smug over how she manages her teens, then said you know I’m virtually a single parent as dh works long hours and I do the majority of it all and I just get on with it ( she also works less hours than me) No one gets it. At all. really struggling at the moment.

Borntobeamum · 26/09/2024 11:26

A week after my dad died, we collected a new car. It was a company car so didn’t cost us anything - a Tesla and had been ordered months prior to dad passing.
At his funeral, someone said, pointing at the car in the car park of the crematorium - ‘Spending his money already?’

I was just so hurt. It still upsets me when I think about it.

Jellybeansweets · 26/09/2024 11:29

Borntobeamum · 26/09/2024 11:26

A week after my dad died, we collected a new car. It was a company car so didn’t cost us anything - a Tesla and had been ordered months prior to dad passing.
At his funeral, someone said, pointing at the car in the car park of the crematorium - ‘Spending his money already?’

I was just so hurt. It still upsets me when I think about it.

Oh my goodness this is absolutely terrible, sorry you had to deal with that. Honestly the audacity of some people!!

Borntobeamum · 26/09/2024 11:35

Jellybeansweets · 26/09/2024 11:29

Oh my goodness this is absolutely terrible, sorry you had to deal with that. Honestly the audacity of some people!!

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The thing is, I lost my mum 4 months ago later and had to deal with probate and selling of their beautiful home and belongings.
When I received my inheritance, it was so bittersweet. I hate spending anyway and my mum always said that ‘I’d cut a currant in two!’

Id certainly never buy a car.

Derek192 · 26/09/2024 11:40

WhereDoBrokenHeartsGo · 05/09/2024 20:42

My darling mum died suddenly earlier this year. Lots of people asked me if she had cancer when they were sympathising. It just felt like such a rude and intrusive question, like what business is it of an acquaintance. Someone approached me after a few weeks offering to buy her house. I haven’t even sorted her things even now and this was months ago.
I generally feel that most people were a huge disappointment and I’ve stepped away from them. I’ve become much closer to the wonderful friends and family who were truly kind and caring.

I'm so sorry to hear that. I think people should express sympathy instead of trying to get something out of you. And they should stop asking intrusive questions. They should say something like 'I am so sorry about your loss. If you would like somebody to talk to, I am always here for you.'

Derek192 · 26/09/2024 11:41

Borntobeamum · 26/09/2024 11:26

A week after my dad died, we collected a new car. It was a company car so didn’t cost us anything - a Tesla and had been ordered months prior to dad passing.
At his funeral, someone said, pointing at the car in the car park of the crematorium - ‘Spending his money already?’

I was just so hurt. It still upsets me when I think about it.

Horrible narcissists! Don't speak to them again!

Jellybeansweets · 26/09/2024 11:56

Borntobeamum · 26/09/2024 11:35

The thing is, I lost my mum 4 months ago later and had to deal with probate and selling of their beautiful home and belongings.
When I received my inheritance, it was so bittersweet. I hate spending anyway and my mum always said that ‘I’d cut a currant in two!’

Id certainly never buy a car.

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sorry for your loss @Borntobeamum. I’ve dealt with similar experiences too, people saying im soooo fortunate to receive inheritance, life insurance payment or whatever. Daft thing to say, I’d rather give back the money and have the loved one back in my life!!!!

When DH died someone said it must be like winning the lottery with the life insurance payout (?!!) The stupidity of some people is astounding.

Alectoishome · 26/09/2024 12:33

Downtoyou · 06/09/2024 08:54

I lost my son in April to cancer, he was 13 years old and I have just returned to work.

Yesterday one of my colleagues said everything happens for a reason, and I asked for what reason would my son be taken from me so young? His response was that it will make my life better in the long run as I will now have a better perspective of life! I suppose I understand what he means, I do want to live a fuller life, but I would rather have my beautiful boy.

The wicked arrogance and blithe ignorance of that colleague is breathtaking.

I'm desperately sorry for the loss of your boy x

Alectoishome · 26/09/2024 12:44

Someone I follow on Instagram lost their 1 year old last year. I was aghast in the comments on her post at more than one person who said something along the lines of 'I know you feel, I lost my gran/grandad/mum/dad who meant the world to me'. I've lost all my grandparents and 1 parent and I would never ever equate that with losing a child. It's nothing like the same.

Downtoyou · 26/09/2024 18:01

Alectoishome · 26/09/2024 12:44

Someone I follow on Instagram lost their 1 year old last year. I was aghast in the comments on her post at more than one person who said something along the lines of 'I know you feel, I lost my gran/grandad/mum/dad who meant the world to me'. I've lost all my grandparents and 1 parent and I would never ever equate that with losing a child. It's nothing like the same.

I get this all the time since losing my son, it is a loss, but it's not the same!

gapattachment · 26/09/2024 18:17

Jellybeansweets · 26/09/2024 11:56

sorry for your loss @Borntobeamum. I’ve dealt with similar experiences too, people saying im soooo fortunate to receive inheritance, life insurance payment or whatever. Daft thing to say, I’d rather give back the money and have the loved one back in my life!!!!

When DH died someone said it must be like winning the lottery with the life insurance payout (?!!) The stupidity of some people is astounding.

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The stupidity of some people is astounding.

Yes yes. I think some of them are so greedy their jealousy clouds any empathy they may otherwise have mustered.