My dad is dying

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I don't even know why I am typing this - I just need to u burden myself.

My lovely dad was diagnosed with liver cancer in 2018 and were told with therapy he should last 10 years. His scan last year was no change.

He has had symptoms last couple of months and we've now been told his cancer is advanced and his liver is more tumours than liver and now his bowel is compromised.

We have been told he has days left. He doesn't t know as when he was told nothing could be done he went into shock. He is such a wonderful man and encouraged me my whole life. He is kind, thought and wouldn't hurt anyone.

Me and my mum are devastated and my son is 8 and loves him so much. It's not fair and I don't know how to cope

Has anyone else felt like this? I am trying to support my mum so just hard as he did everything

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s an awful thing to go through.

You talk about supporting your mum and the impact on your son - do you have anyone to support you? Are you able to take some time for yourself?

I am so sorry OP. Didn't want to read and run. That is very sad. My friend lost her partner quite suddenly to pancreatic cancer. Sending kind thoughts and hugs to you.

Thanks - I have my husband and he has been great. My mum is staying over too but I don't feel like I can add more stress to anyone.

My mum is frail and worried that she won't have enough money but I said she will be entitled to some benefits.

Thanks- just talking about it helps

OP I am so sorry. I lost my Dad last year very quickly to Lung and liver cancer and I completely understand how you feel. I didn't know how to cope. The last words my Dad said to me where one day at a time and he was so right. Take everything a day at a time. Allow yourself to be upset, allow yourself space you need.

It is a really difficult situation to go through. All I can say is just be there for those who need it and make sure you have someone taking care of you.

I'm so sorry @mothertrucking - your dad will be so proud of how are coping

Hugs OP, absolutely horrible to go through. Lost my mum last year and still g

Thanks @testing987654321 - your mum will be so proud of you

Argh! Grieving, obviously.

Nothing can prepare you but you will cope somehow.

Thank you so much. Lots of love to you also

This forum was a huge source of support to me at the time. I hope it is to you too. There were so many lovely posters who helped me through that time. Just through their kind words of support or practical advice.

Thank you. I hope so. I spoke to a bereavement nurse today at the hospital and she mentioned doing a memory box for my son.

I need to stop looking at photos!

Sending you love, it’s tough, enjoy what time you have with him

Thank you @Nsky62 - he can only have liquids and I took him so chicken broth today and he really enjoyed it.

I feel like smuggling some port in tomorrow for him!

Oh gosh OP, that’s so sad. Give him a port- why the hell not!!

Speak to Winston's Wish for your son too, they were helpful when I had to explain my DH's death to our foster children they helped me to use the right words. Marie Curie have a support line that were helpful and Macmillan should be able to help your mum with her financial worries, they can make sure she's claiming everything she's entitled to. It's a shit place to be, sending you all love and strength

You know what I will!

I am so sorry for your loss.

The bereavement lady mentioned Winston's Wish today so will take a look.

Thanks for your advice - will try to make sore we use all of the people who can help us

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. My mum died in hospital in early May.

It's such a tough thing to go through. Wishing you love and strength.

I am so sorry you're going through this awful awful thing. However long your Dad has left, I hope you can make the last precious bit of time count. Sending much love to you and your family. Xxxxx

Thank you both for your kind words. It would almost be easier if he wasn't so lovely

I’m really sorry OP. It’s been 16 years since I lost my mum and I can still feel that initial, sharp chest pain whenever I am brought back into that place. Just sit with your lovely dad and hold his hand, that’s all he will want right now. Sending love

My mum passed of thyroid cancer in 2021. A year after diagnosis. She was 85 and had a great life but she was a great woman, one of the best mothers there could ever be, and I was never ready to lose her. We think they will live forever. Grief still hits me regularly. I had 3 kids to manoeuvre through it. Their father then passed 3 months later. Such a difficult time. But we did it. Look after yourself. My thoughts are with you. X

Hugs. Sorry you're going through this

You don't have to smuggle it in, on gerries we even prescribed whisky for our patients (just tell the nurse). You can talk to the nurses about "comfort feeding" if he wants food - this is where people with a swallow that is at risk of food particles going into the lung, normally wouldn't be allowed them, but because deemed end of life we permit whatever the patient wishes (I did a lot of begging to get my patient his icecream - if they're going to die in a few days anyway I'd rather them die happy with possibly a tiny bit of icecream in their lung

Xx

I’m so sorry for you and your lovely Dad OP. Your love for him shines through.

Im 6 months down the road from where you are. You’re not alone - but at the same time I promise if doesn’t always hurt like this. Lots of love and thinking of you x