How long did you take off before going back to work when your mum died?

[december2020]

My job very kindly gave me 3 weeks paid leave.
I am very grateful for that.

I am back at work now but I am not ready!

Mum died very unexpectedly and I'm still in some very dark places with grief, but it comes on so unexpectedly that I can't plan for it, and I'm finding it really hard to balance work and kids alongside it.

How long did you take off before going back to work after your mum died?
Am I being irrational and needy to feel like I need more time?

I have had 3 months off after my dad died. I tried to go back after a few weeks but struggled. I'm a teacher and found my self getting teary in front on the class. I went back Friday a week before my sick note ends and feel like I'm ready

My dad died completely unexpectedly two weeks ago. He’d been absolutely fine, he was an instructor for his sport/hobby, and had taught a class that morning. It was a completely normal day. My mum went out shopping in the late afternoon and found him on her return. It was such a shock and my whole world has turned upside down.

We are still waiting on an autopsy, to be completed next week.

I haven’t been into work yet. It’s only part time 18hrs a week in a local bakery, but I’d only started 3 weeks beforehand. On the one hand it’s not the end of the world if I’m fired… on the other it’s convenient, it is right next to the kids’ school, the hours suit and it’s a no stress job normally.

I am starting to feel the weight/panic that I should go back, they’ll be getting pissed off…. But I can barely hold a conversation without bursting into tears right now. I don’t know how I am going to cope with regulars popping in and asking how I am/what I’ve been up to.

I don’t think the funeral will be for at least another 10 days.

My Dad died last year - after a horrific death following 6 months of liver cancer. DH and I run a business, so I had about 3 days off as that's all we could manage. I do all the admin/ordering as DH is dyslexic and we're the only 2 in the office.

I thought I'd gone through anticipatory grief but my god, it still hit me like a freight train. The only blessing was that I got ongoing counselling from the hospice Dad had been in and I think that got me through those initial raw months. I'm slowly starting to feel better and it's just been over a year.

I'm so sorry for your loss

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who shared their experiences and stories.

The grief has been really strong today and I've been teary all day (thank god I was working from home), which I think led me back to this thread.

It'll come in waves, grief isn't linear at all. It does slowly start to feel easier though. I found it helped to just let myself feel sad when I felt sad as it's a very normal thing to be feeling.
Sending hugs and I hope you can get some real life ones too