Help Me Please, This Is A Hard One

[mumtomonkeys]

Last week a friends husband hung himself. Nobody knows the reason of this. Its really got to me, as they have 4 children under the age of 10. Including twins that are a few months old. I have bought flowers and a card, but I dont know what to put in the card. Soo, can someone please give me any ideas?

TIA

Oh God. How awful.

I think practical help with the children and food etc would be good. Even just cooking a casserole or something and dropping it round every so often.

And being there if and when your friend is ready to talk.

Dear

There is nothing that I can say which will make the pain and confusion go away but I will be here for the days, weeks and months to come to help.

Thinking of you.

Reading dome of Mummy2tandf's posts what she has found the hardest is the feeling of abandonment by her friends a few months down the line, so future support for her is important as well as practical things that Buda suggested

tell her you're there if she wants to talk. you're there if she wants to be distracted. and you'll be there in a years time, and two years time and on. sophiewd is right, that is when she will really need you...

thanks sophiewd think i will use that

I am sure she is so numb at the moment and getting so many messages that a simple message would be ok, here for you, or anything you need, and then a messsage offering specific help, as in i would like to help and if I could take the kids out to the park etc.., how about on thur....

Contact her again in a few weeks' time - that's supposed to be the loneliest. Also perhaps find her contact details for organisations which might help, eg Cruse. Invite her children to play and to tea at your house. Be prepared to initiate contact a few times without getting much response.

She will appreciate your remembering her, but definitely making the effort to keep in touch (even if it feels awkward) will be the biggest help in the long term.

Taking round a meal (esp if it can be frozen) and picking up the dish later is a good excuse to look in and "check up"

How awful for the whole family.

With four children under 10 years old I think practical help would really be appreciated at the moment.

Maybe mentioning that you can offer any help with food shopping, childcare or just someone to talk to...

The poor woman.

My best friend lost her two year old daughter last year(not the same I know) but she has really appreciated it when I have just taken her other daughter out to play with my DC. I have been shocked at how many friends have just fled, I can understand it is difficult, but be honest with her and never feel you have to avoid the subject. Sending you all the very best.

thanks for your ideas

...and still be there for her in the weeks after the initial shock has worn off.

i was at the cemetry last summer and i walked up to jayden.,a lady next grave stood up to leave, i told her not to go as i was here cos i go up and stay,but spoke a while her db had hung himselfand she felt noone understood,or cared because it was suicide,people said his choice,we stood and hugged and cried together, its lovely that you are helping her, because so many people run away, i had loads of friends before jayden died , but now a few special people,look after your friendx its so hard for her atmx