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Original poster

Viewing a body

63 replies

Changeforthis79 · 04/01/2024 01:44

I'm supposed to be going to see my partner who died on 10th December this week or early next week and I'm worried. He has been embalmed and the funeral home said he wouldn't be ready till this week but have I left it too late? I'm going to call them tomorrow but just need advice.

OP posts:
Fiddlerdragon · 05/01/2024 19:28

Floralnomad · 05/01/2024 17:38

Firstly @Changeforthis79 I’m sorry for your loss . I’m a retired nurse so lots of experience with the deceased . My dad died very suddenly aged 51 and I wanted to see him in the funeral home , it was a massive error on my part and I compounded the error by going again the night before the funeral as I felt the need to check something - another massive mistake . For those saying undertakers won’t let you see them if they look bad , that is not true . We had friends around at Christmas who told us an absolute horror story . Best wishes whatever you decide 💐

I wanted to say that when I saw that post, but I didn’t want to come across as unpleasant on a sensitive thread. I went with my partner at the time to view the body of his friend. He had been missing and was found in the woods in his car after hitting a telegraph pole at approx 110mph. We weren’t even warned about the state of the body (though I did make it clear to my ex I thought viewing him was a mistake).

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 05/01/2024 22:08

Obviously it depends on how sensible/sensitive your undertakers are then.

peachgreen · 05/01/2024 22:17

I’m so sorry for your loss, OP.

My DH died suddenly and I also found him dead – eyes and mouth open, and I did (fruitless) CPR so it was very traumatic. I didn’t go and view his body – my SIL did and said I’d made the right decision. But that said, I did spend time with his body after the paramedics stopped working on him and I found that very healing.

The flashbacks will lessen over time, I promise.

sending you love.

lemmein · 07/01/2024 03:41

OldTinHat · 04/01/2024 11:24

I am so very sorry for your loss.

It's very odd seeing the 'body'. You'd think it would be the same as seeing them sleeping, but it's not. The essence of them has gone and what is left is like an empty crisp packet iyswim. What made them, them, the filling, themselves, just isn't there.

That sounds very stupid but the 'whole' of them has gone.

I'm getting myself upset, haha! But please accept my condolences and I apologise for my random musings.

I totally get what you mean. When I seen my brother it occurred to me that I'd never seen him quiet (or still!) before - he was always so energetic, gobby....a bit of a DelBoy character. The room felt empty - even though it sort of looked like him it didn't feel like him. He didn't look like he was sleeping because all of those tiny little mannerisms, his energy, those things that made him him had gone.

Such a weird experience, I'm not sure I'd want to repeat it.

Zanatdy · 21/01/2024 07:55

I had a bad experience as a 14yr old child viewing my grandmother (I was asked if I wanted to go so said yes) but when my dad died I knew I had to go as I hadn’t been there when he died. It helped a lot, he actually looked better than he had in years, the fact he was wearing his going out clothes was also nice as he had been in PJ’s for 8 months. We spent 20 mins or so there and I left some photos on his chest. My dad wasn’t religious but it brought me a sense of peace as he looked very peaceful. I’m glad I went.

orangetriangle · 16/02/2024 22:36

I went to see my mum and wished I hadn't
I wasn't prepared for just how shell like she would look she was ice cold and touching her was like touching china or wax it didn't seem like my mum
I'm.not sure I would visit anyone else

WakyWally · 10/10/2025 20:23

Its something which never even crossed my mind to do when my mother or other relatives passed away. Whats the point for heavens sake?

ProfoundlyPeculiarAndWeird · 10/10/2025 20:33

There is plenty of point for a lot of people. We are all different, and the circumstances of bereavements vary.

Yesimmoaningaboutbenefits · 10/10/2025 20:35

WakyWally · 10/10/2025 20:23

Its something which never even crossed my mind to do when my mother or other relatives passed away. Whats the point for heavens sake?

Why on earth would you revive a nearly 2yo old thread to say that!

Original poster
Changeforthis79 · 06/12/2025 23:21

WakyWally · 10/10/2025 20:23

Its something which never even crossed my mind to do when my mother or other relatives passed away. Whats the point for heavens sake?

Yes why would you revive a 2 year old post to say this? I'm the original poster and at the time I was petrified that I would see something that made the whole experience much worse than it needed to be but I needed to see him for closure as he was much loved and it was out of the blue - maybe you need to work on your compassion and also don't comment unless you have anything useful to say

OP posts:
Original poster
Changeforthis79 · 06/12/2025 23:22

Yesimmoaningaboutbenefits · 10/10/2025 20:35

Why on earth would you revive a nearly 2yo old thread to say that!

Show quote history

Thankyou x

OP posts:
Original poster
Changeforthis79 · 06/12/2025 23:23

ProfoundlyPeculiarAndWeird · 10/10/2025 20:33

There is plenty of point for a lot of people. We are all different, and the circumstances of bereavements vary.

Thankyou x

OP posts:
TheMoanerLisa · 16/01/2026 20:33

I have just read though your thread @Changeforthis79. I was disgusted to see it had been so cruelly posted on after such a long time. It must have been a huge shock for you.

I hope that you have been able to find some peace and that you are starting to rebuild a life that contains joy, laughter and happiness. Good memories stay with us forever and I know you will never forget your partner.

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