Hand hold needed. My beloved mum is dying

[Higgeldypiggeldy35]

I am in intensive care with my wonderful mum as she battles double pneumonia from covid. The doctors say there is little hope but in her awake moments Mum tells me she is terrified to die, she doesn't want to close her eyes in case she dies, she isn't ready to die. I am distraught. She looks to me for reassurance and I hold her hand and tell her I love her. What else can I do? How can I help her? What can I expect? Im bereft, devastated, terrified. The thought of my best friend not being here anymore is breaking my heart.

I'm so sorry. Keep talking to her, holding her hand, telling her you love her. You will be such a comfort to her as she is scared.

You are doing all of the right things - by being there, keeping her calm and making sure she knows she is loved x

I am so sorry. I was with my Mum in IC 8 years ago when she slipped away. I held her hand and spoke to her and that is all you can do- but you will always be glad that you did. My heart goes out to you xxxx

This is the most important thing you will ever do for your Mum. So keep talking and thanking and sharing memories. In the days to come, don't let there be any 'I wish I had told her's. Tell her.
Losing a parent really brings home the truth that we are now an adult. And sometimes being an adult is so very very hard.
Wishing you and your mum some peaceful hours.

I’m so sorry for you and your mum op 😢 I lost my mum in similar circumstances earlier this year so I can really empathise with you, it’s heart breaking but the main thing is you are with her (gentle hugs) ❤️

Being there and talking to her is good. I used to tell my mum who i was as she was heavily sedated and often couldn’t figure out which visitor was who, but she knew she should know (if that makes sense?) and then she’d get really agitated and flustered about not remembering

I kick myself that I left it till she was only partly conscious to tell her thank you for everything and that I loved her. Don’t make my mistake - talk about all the good things, the things you remember with her and how much she is loved

Don’t be afraid to badger the staff for pain meds / stuff for agitation etc if she needs it. Also make sure you try and get enough to eat and drink and a break if you can

Its shit to go through, sending you both my love, xx

Thank you every body. It helps more than you know. I am playing her favourite boys choir xmas songs and she is smiling.

Tell her all the things you remember about your life together. Hold her hand. Tell her she's raised you well. Tell her she doesn't have to fight if she's tired.

I am so so sorry. Strength to you.

My heart breaks for you. Like others have said all you can do is be there, smile at her and hold her hand. Tell her you won't leave.

Sing to her, make her comfortable and tell her you love her.

I wish you both peace x

💕💕

Oh OP bless you and your mum. Just you being there will mean the world to her I'm sure. Your presence will reassure her, just keep talking, holding her hand and sharing lovely memories, she'll be able to hear you. I'm so sorry, I'll be thinking of you both.

Christmas Choral music is a really good idea, especially as it’s her favourite choir - it will be soothing her soul x

Even if she’s not alert, she can likely hear. Talk as much as you can about family / friends / christmases past with the emphasis on what a good time was had. Hard for you but try to be upbeat so she’s not concentrating on fear

Shes resting now. She keeps saying she's scared to close her eyes. Is there anything i can say to ease her fear?

What about something like "mum you need to rest to recover, I won't leave you"

I told my mum she’d be meeting her parents and brother soon and if she couldn’t fight any more it was fine and to let go. I think she needed that permission.

in sorru, it’s so hard. My mum died last Xmas ❤️

I went through similar last year with my dad - he was terrified.
I told him for him to beat it his body needed to rest. I held his hand and was with him every time he fell asleep and promised to be there when he woke.

There's a quote a found quite helpful 'you have the rest of your life to breakdown over this don't do it in front of him'.

Sending hugs x

Bless you love. I am praying for you and your mum.

How old is your mum?

Remember as things progress that she will still be able to hear you even once she doesn't seem to be responding. Keep talking, playing music etc.

No advice but will say a prayer for you both 🙏🏾

Oh darling. Sending you so much love. I am
so sad to read this.

Thinking of you and your lovely Mum xx

I would be telling her she will be ok and she needs to rest. She doesn't need to know anything else. I'm hoping she does pull through and gets through this. It can happen and Doctors can be wrong

Me too

Tell her don't be scared. Say you are always with her when she shuts her eyes and will look after her. Say can she feel all the love around her and feel you holding her hand and know how much that love is going to keep her safe. If she is someone who believes in God, you can mention God's love for her, if she isn't just make her feel that the whole world is loving her. You are her whole world and you are there loving her so that is true.

Just talk her. Tell your mum there’s nothing to be afraid of. Just sit with her, stroke her hands, tell her how much she is loved, moisten her lips if necessary, tell staff if there is pain, just relax and enjoy being with your mum.

My Mum died over 30 years ago, there’s still much sadness in me about the manner of her death and unfinished business from her life. Please don’t have regrets higgledy. Say what you’d like to say to your mum. Be gentle, be kind, it will be enough that you have been there. Please don’t miss this opportunity.

my love to you. Good luck.