Direct cremation experiences

[Littlepaleale]

Anyone out there had experience of direct cremations please… looking for a hand to hold, some words of wisdom and practical suggestions.

We lost our DF two weeks ago, after a year of fighting cancer and a sudden deterioration that surprised us all. He had planned and paid for a direct funeral, where his body is taken straight from the hospital to a funeral home to be cremated without attendants.

DM is very comfortable with the plan, having discussed it at length with DF. He was a very private person and did not like the idea of people eulogising and a big fuss. DM is also shies away from being the centre of attention so is relieved to not have to go through a funeral.

My siblings and I are struggling with this plan (and are all wishing we’d discussed as a family before he went). One of us has a strong Roman Catholic faith and the other two of us feel like a funeral would help us say goodbye as part of the grieving process. We are 100% clear that there is no question of unpicking the plans and going against dad’s wishes.

We will know the day and time of the cremation and can mark the moment. We are planning to be together at that time and play music, read passages that were meaningful to DF.

So, anyone out there with experience of saying goodbye to a loved one with a direct cremation? How did you feel about it and what did you do to manage it for the best?

The money that we saved by having a direct cremation all went to small local animal charities which Dad would have appreciated

I’m curious about what people understand by “direct cremation”.

Is it ‘my loved one will be collected from the house/hospital, I’ll have the chance to send some clothes for them to be dressed in, see them again if I want, but the cremation will take place without anybody present’. Or is it ‘my loved one will be collected and then I’ll get the ashes without any further contact’.

A friend died recently and his wife organized a direct cremation. A few weeks later she invited us to a celebration of his life and there was a lovely photo on display of them in happier times.
It was a happy occasion and the widow looked well and relaxed. I think that she had recovered from the few terrible months of looking after him and was able to enjoy the company of family and friends.

It's that you will say goodbye at the deathbed if you can, otherwise the body will be taken from the hospital/home and cremated without any other involvement with you and then you can collect/will be sent the ashes.

As our family doesn't come from a culture of viewing the body/open coffin, we've not noticed a difference emotionally in not having the body present at the funeral. The last two deaths in our family were both direct cremations but there was a full religious funeral service and wake afterwards - just not to the timescales of crematorium availability.

The most recent one had quite a long delay to the funeral due to family being abroad, but it was a beautiful day. Her spirit was there - her body wasn't necessary for us to love and remember her.

Not for everyone, but it does work for some.

We had the option to see the body at the funeral home if we wanted, but didn’t choose that option. We were told the date the cremation was going to happen and where, but not the time. We could have had the ashes back, but chose to have them scattered in the garden of remembrance at the crematorium (which was the same choice as for the non-direct cremations in the family)

It is becoming much more common, but my experience was not good. I
saw my Mother 2 wks before she died. She went into hospital (under covid visiting rules) & was only allowed home the night before her death. I was travelling down when she died. I was not able to see the body. My half brother arranged a direct cremation. The body was collected & taken to a central processing hub 250 miles away. He was given a '3 day window' of time during which the cremation happened (Co wouldn't speak to me directly as I'd not booked the cremation). The ashes arrived back in a cardboard box by Royal Mail (caught in a post strike). My elderly confused Dad has them in the back of the wardrobe. No 'ceremony' at all. I struggled to process it & had some Counselling via Cruse to help.

My Mum and Dad both want a direct cremation. Thry are both private people and don't want a fuss. I am not sure how I feel about it.