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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Mummy2TandF

90 replies

marmon · 17/02/2008 18:21

I was just wondering if anyone has heard from or spoken to m2t&f. Her last post which was a while ago she seemed very depressed and lost and i just wondered if she is o.k.

OP posts:
MommaFeelgood · 19/02/2008 20:50

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UnderRated · 19/02/2008 20:51

I've been thinking about you too.

mishymoo · 19/02/2008 20:54

Lovely to hear you're ok! Have also been thinking of you and your DCs. The memorial page for Craig is a wonderful and beautiful idea.

Mummy2TandF · 20/02/2008 00:32

Thanks everyone for your kind messages, am afraid I have gone right back down again today ... I think the not sleeping or eating properly is not doing me any favours either but today ds aked me if he should call Daddy Craig now because he is not here now ... I told him no, that he will always be his Daddy even though he is not here and then he said to me "can we please get a new Daddy?" It broke my heart, I held back the tears and told him that Daddy is always going to be his Daddy and he didn't need a new one, but he said that he did because all his friends have got a Daddy and he wanted to go to LegoLand with the new Daddy (we went to LegoLand as a family with Craig the day before he died) ... How do you help a 3 yr old through this, he is obviously starting to accept things and want to know more about it, just hope I am strong enough to support him through it

DutchOma · 20/02/2008 08:33

Darling, please get in touch with the WAY organisation, where there will be other boys who don't have a daddy.
It is so hard for you to cope with all this on your own and there is help out there for you if you can bring yourself to go out and get it. The first time will be the hardest, but for Toby's sake (and Freya's too) it would be good to make an effort. Once you have done it the first time it will get easier.
Every blessing, we are all thinking of you.

Original poster
marmon · 20/02/2008 08:34

Just want to say i thought your tribute to Craig was beautiful. we have a bench at the football pitch where Ray died and so i reguarly sit there and reflect. Children say the most heartbreaking things dont they? All you can do is talk to him about Craig and answer any questions as best as you can to a 3 year old. As hard as it is try and talk about all the happy memories you had together as a family and try not to dwell on the death part. I only know from my son who is 4 that if i mention his Dad and get upset so does he and he never knew him. But if i talk about Ray with smiles and tell him his Daddy is constantly watching over him and how lucky he is to have a Daddy that can be with him all the time he finds that comforting. As you and i know they are not lucky but words fail me sometimes, especially when my little boy comes up to me with the phone cause he wants to phone Daddy and talk to him. Explaining there are no phones in heaven is a bit tricky! Try and rest and eating properly is vital otherwise your mind can get more confused and the grief gets worse. Its good to know you are o.k though and keep in touch with us all.xx

OP posts:
lottiejenkins · 20/02/2008 08:41

Hi Im a great supporter of Winstons Wish and regularly post their deatails on here, they have fantastic ways to help bereaved children do contact them too....
www.winstonswish.org.uk/

Mummy2TandF · 26/02/2008 00:21

DutchOma and Lottiejenkins - thank you both, I have joined WAY but all the up coming events seem to be in the evenings and I am also in contact with Winstons Wish, who call me every now and again to see how I am. Marmon - thanks for your kind words aswell, I have had to explain that there are no phones in heaven aswell ... I am just embarking on a new project, trying to keep myself busy ... am launching a charity to try and provide one place for people who have been widowed to go to obtain all information about help and support available, emotionally, financially, practically, also want to have a section for friends to try and give some pointers on how they can help - I am by no means an expert but want to try and help
other people who have to go through this horrendous life event and make the road a little less bumpy for them. And thank you all for your comments about Craigs memorial site, please feel free to light a candle or leave a message xxx

DutchOma · 26/02/2008 18:06

So glad to have a message from you. Will be thinking of you tonight, as it is a Tuesday.
It is such a good idea to try and do something good for other people, I think that your idea of setting up such a website is an excellent idea. Best of luck with it.
How are the children now?

Mummy2TandF · 28/02/2008 00:24

DutchOma, dd is fine thanks but I still have a few worries about ds and how he is coping ... I have been having a bad day today - can you believe it is 6 months today since my life was turned upside down? It seems like only yesterday but also like an eternity ... I have posted a message for Craig on the memorial website and if any of you that have looked at it feel you want to light a candle or leave a message please do .... I don't know if 6 months is a normal time for my feelings at the moment, but I am dreading life without Craig and wondering how I will carry on (not in any real sense) but I know that somehow I have to, if not for my sake but for the sake of our lovely dc's - Thank goodness I have had some friends over this evening as I have been crying all day and they put a stop to that cycle, but nobody has remembered that today it is 6 months (although it is the eary hours of the morning) and I just feel desperation - I hope to post again tomorrow when I have snapped myself out of this again.

ShinyDysonHereICome · 28/02/2008 00:30

Hi, I'm glad you've posted as I've been thinking about you lots but didn't want to stalk/bombard you with emails!

(ChristmasShinySnowflakes here sending you lots of love xx)

MarsLady · 28/02/2008 00:31

I don't have the words for you, except to say that nothing about grief is "normal" iyswim. You grieve how you grieve.

Big hugs to you and yours.

Mummy2TandF · 28/02/2008 00:33

Thanks for thinking of me - I can't keep up with your name changes though please never worry about emailing me ... at times I don't feel like responding and am very sorry for that but it always means such a lot to me that people are thinking of me.

ShinyDysonHereICome · 28/02/2008 00:35

That's ok- will refer to myself as 'the Candle Fairy' maybe?

I will email you again tomorrow when I am more awake/coherent but please remember that there is always someone here for you to chat to at whatever time x

Mummy2TandF · 28/02/2008 00:38

Was that you? (((((hugs)))) Thank You sooo much, it means such a lot to me, would hate to think that nobody was thinking of him ... Take care and you have been wonderfull, thank you again

ShinyDysonHereICome · 28/02/2008 00:42

That was me yes

If it gave you even a little bit of comfort then I am really glad.

You are thought about so often by so many of us, and if there is ever anything more we can do please do say.

I'll be in touch tomorrow x

hazygirl · 28/02/2008 09:15

thinking of you ,take care xx

MaryAnnSingleton · 28/02/2008 09:42

thinking of you 3 - lovely page too xxx

Mummy2TandF · 28/02/2008 11:34

6 months today I really couldn't tell you how I have got to this point ... but somehow I have and I couldn't have done it without the truly amazing support of MN .... Thank You to all of you

callmeovercautious · 28/02/2008 11:40

Thinking of you today X The One stop place for informations sounds like a really good idea. I can't believe no one has done it already but I know they haven't through my own family.

Do you have anything planned for today with your DC?

Original poster
marmon · 28/02/2008 14:37

Hi m2t&f, thinking of you today. Hope you and the dcs are o.k. I definately agree with what Marslady said that grief has no rhyme or reason to it, everyday is different. Infact in the beginning where you are every minute is different and emotions are changing all the time. I remeber in the early days after ray died that one minute i would feel really strong and able to function and then literally in a heartbeat i would be sobbing and feeling extreme panic that i would never see him again. How you are feeling is raw grief and yes it will get better slowly over time but its something you cannot rush and with support from friends, us MNers and others you will turn a corner. Love and hugs to you and your babies.xxx

OP posts:
DutchOma · 28/02/2008 16:57

Will be thinking of you tonight when the time comes that six months ago you heard your awful news. Glad to hear that you have some rl friends coming over to take the edge off your grief {{{{hugs Mummy}}} {{{hugs Toby}}}} {{{hugs Freya}}}}}}

Mummy2TandF · 28/02/2008 23:29

Thank you all - Not a phonecall or a text all day but did have an email from yorkiegirl and these lovely messages from you guys .... Thank You

Oblomov · 06/03/2008 14:47

Was just wondering how you were doing mummy2tandf.
I think of you often.

lottiejenkins · 06/03/2008 17:32

Am glad that Winstons Wish are able to help you, that means a lot, they have helped me a lot with my son, he lost his dad when he was five his grandad two years ago and his "link father" last year, i felt the need to contact them again last year when R (link) died, because there wasnt a grave for my ds to visit(R was cremated) I have friends who run a rose nursery who helped us choose a lovely rose called "In Loving Memory"
www.apuldramroses.co.uk/LOVING+MEMORY+korgund-rose.htm We have planted it in our back garden and call it our "R rose"
Just thought id mention the rose in case anyone else wanted to buy one............