Mummy2TandF

[marmon]

I was just wondering if anyone has heard from or spoken to m2t&f. Her last post which was a while ago she seemed very depressed and lost and i just wondered if she is o.k.

amazinwoman - I couldn't phone the samaritans, would feel like I was taking up their time/hone lines unecessarily ... there might be somebody who was feeling suicidal who needed them.
Solodad - thanks again for your post, everything you say is exactly how i feel - it is so kind of you to take the time to post, when you are in the same situation ... there are a few people who have been so kind and thoughfull when they are dealing with similar things themselves, life is so unfair isn't it.
People are often sayinng to me, why don't you go to bed when the kids go to bed and get an early night - Would love to do that but my mind doesn't switch off and the thought of going up to our bedroom on my own does not appeal .. even if I do get to sleep i am often awake throughout the night, I suppose it's just something we have to work through.
are you finding that your eldest is asking lots of questions? Ds asks something new everyday (as well as the same questions everyday) and I am nnot too sure how to handle it in the best way

You wouldn't be wasting the Samaritans time. That is what they are there for. You have been through a lot and they are very good at providing an ear for those in need.

The sort of person who wastes their time are the ones who've had a few too many drinks and phone up "because it is a laugh".

Don't feel you can't call them, tell them if you like that you don't want to waste their time - I'm SURE they'll assure you that you aren't.

I called them once, when I was very very low (but not suicidal), they were lovely! It really helped.

M2T&F, dealing with the questions of eldest is one of the hardest things i think we have to do. The way that i have handled it from day one is to try to be honest, i think they know when you try to pull the wool over their eyes. It is a nightmare to know how to tell them stuff in such a way that they can understand and it is difficult when it is tearing you apart inside to tell them. I think that they don't worry about the stuff that goes over their heads.

I am worried because my eldest doesn't ask questions. I wonder if it is all bottled up and there will be a huge problem in the future. I know it is hard when they keep asking, but it may be better in the long run. We will have to explain what has happened many times over the next few years.

I think that amazinwoman and MaryBS are right about the Samaritans, but like you i would think that I'd be wasting their time. Have their number somewhere handy, you don't have to use it but its there if you want to.

sorry long post.

keep looking after your precious DCs. still thinking of you all.

solodad - I agree, I have tried to be hnest from the beginning - that's all you can do, it won't do the dc's any good if they feel you are not telling them things and even at 3.5 my ds knows when I am not telling him everything , he has only asked me once what made Daddy die, which was really hard but he does ask daily (since he stopped asking why Daddy can't come back from the moon in heaven) if we are going to get a new Daddy ...have tried to explain that it doesn't work like that and that dh will always be his Daddy but just can't be here but he still thinks/hopes we will get a new Daddy - if we see a man anywhere...60 yr old men walking their dogs etc he says maybe that man could be the new Daddy? Breaks my heart, he desperatly craves a mans attention, I think I underestimated how mcuh a young boy needs that

Have had another tearfull day today, we went to a birthday party and everybody their had brought thier husbands aswell and it wasn't really anybody I knew well, so couldn't chat with anybody as they were all in couples ... just busied myself with the dc's on the bouncy castle until somebody asked me how I was doing and I burst into tears on her she said oh I am sorry and walked away to leave me crying ... it really is a lonely life.

once again I have go on too much, so am off to make ds's packed lunch because he is back at playschool tomorrow for the first time in 3 weeks because of the easter holidays ... and it's my nan's 81st birthday aswell, so should have a fairly good afternoon.

M2T&F, been there on the birthday party. Made the mistake of taking boys to party of friends twins about 2hrs drive from home. Didn't know anyone else there, and felt completely and utterly alone in a room full of people. Very nearly in tears, but no-one noticed thankfully. Try not to make that mistake again.
I'm sorry that you were abandoned in tears at the party . I think some people can handle this type of situation and realise that they don't have to say anything, just be there to listen. Others are too uncomfortable with themselves because they think they have to say the right thing.

Went to friends for lunch to day and on the way DS1 says 'Mummy used to come this way to take me to friends house' and 'Mummy has died' and 'why can't mummy come back'. i just don't have the answers, 'because she can't' just seems so inadequate.

Hope that tomorrow goes well

Ah solodad - bless your ds, it is so hard to know what to say isn't it and you are right "because they can'" just doesn't cut it. I tend to say to ds that daddy would come back if he could because he loves us very much and didn't want to die, but he can't come back because when people die they can't come back
Ds is obsessed with Fireman Sam atm and always spots fire engines, he saw a crash the other day (or the aftermath) and asked me if the fire engine had called the ambulance and what does an ambulance actually do ... I told him that when people are very ill or there is an emergency then they call an ambulance and they take people to the hospital and make them better - then he asked "did an ambulance go to Daddy then? Couldn't they make him better?" What to say hey ... I know all children ask hard questions but it seems so unfair that ours have to ask this kind at this young age and that we have to try and answer regardless of the pain we are feeling.

Obviously that should have read "because they can't"

M2T&F it's the candle fairy here

It's good to hear from you again and I'm glad you've posted. Craig's site is so lovely, a really wonderful tribute to him and something that you, T&F can be really proud of.

Sending you love, peace and a bit of strength to top you up in your weakest hours x

Thanks so much for your kind words about Craig's site and also for your love, peace and strength ... feels like I need as much as I can get at the moment and I can't seem to beg, steal or borrow much of it from RL friends. Thank You xxx

M2T&F, I still find it hard seeing ambulances, and I've always disliked hospitals. One of the many mistakes i made lead to some confusion for DS1 when i tried to explain that an ambulance had taken mummy to hospital but the doctors could not save mummy. At time he seemed to accept the explanation, but a couple of days or weeks later (can't remember time scale) he asked which hospital mummy was in and when we could go to see her. i felt like the worlds worst parent for allowing that to happen.

Saturday night was difficult, i was out for a meal with large group of people, and an aunt of mine who i am close to went very faint, clammy and extremely pale and an ambulance was called. The last ambulance i was that close to was the one that i traveled to hospital in with DW. It sent a chill down my spine. Thankfully my aunt was fine and recovered quickly.

keep up the good job that you are doing with your DCs, and thank you for reading and replying to my posts.

I can't imagine how you felt on Saturday solodad. I think that I am grateful that I wasn't actually with dh when he died...I don't have any disturbing images just pleasant memories - having said that my stomach does churn everytime I see an ambulance with the lights on ... it's the thought that somebody else might have to go through what I am ... even though no road ambulance even went to dh, just the air ambulance apparently.

I am hoping to enjoy celebrating my Nans birthday with her tomorrow (today now lol) but since this has happened I have a real fear of losing my Nan, I always have because I am so close to her but since August it has been on my mind a lot of the time ... I don't think I have the stength to deal with any other kind of bereavement, not for at least 5 years.

No need to thank me for reading your posts, knowing that somebody else is in the same/similar situation to me and roughly the same timescale helps me such a lot - I hope it is helping you too and not upsetting you

M2T&F hope you had a good day celebrating your Nans birthday, she is obviously important to you.

You are right that reading and writing on this thread is helping, our situations are so similar.

Have recovered from seeing ambulance, hope not to see any more for awhile

Thanks, today was a bit of a nightmare actually! Ds started back at preschool this morning, so I picked him up and went straight to my Nans, he was so excited that it was her birthday AND so tired after a morning at preschool that he was a nightmare lol ... he rushed in with her present and nearly knocked her off of her feet, told her what the present was as he gave it to her and then was playing at the back of her TV, we told him to come away but he was in one of his head strong moods and wouldn't, so I went to get him and as he stood up he knocked her TV, which started to tip forward off of the stand - picture me lunging forward at a rate of knots to try to catch the massively heavy TV, not managing it and the TV crashing to the floor face first ... gave my nan the shock of her life and ds. Thank goodness it still worked when I lifted it back up onto the stand (nearly breaking my back in the process) BUT it has ruined the stand .... we then went for lunch but ds didn't want to sit, so spent the whole time taking him out for a walk to stop him destroying the pub, while dd sat in the highchair crying because she wanted to get out! My poor nan must be shattered, I know I am ... the joys of kids eh?

sorry PSML at TV incident, image of woman diving across room to save TV or DS. maybe another visit to Nan soon when there is not as much to be excited about. Love it when they tell someone what the present is before/as they give it.

it is hard work when they act up in a pub, try to calm them down or take them out? maybe subject for new thread? probably already one on here!!

Children you just have to love them

New thread here for anybody who is following