I am a big cryer, completely over emotional. I never thought I’d be able to read the eulogy for my dad, but I couldn’t think of anyone else to read it, and I didn’t want a stranger doing it. Many people told me not to, my husband, my uncle and aunt etc, it somehow made me want to try. I cried many times while writing it, I cried when I read it to my husband, I cried the next ten times that I read it, but I found that each time I cried it was a little less. I read that eulogy several times a day in the fortnight before the funeral to desensitise myself. The dog used to literally groan when I started! The celebrant told me that if I found it too hard he would be sitting right behind me with a copy of the eulogy and he’d step in at any point. So I tried. I also listened to the entrance music a million times to desensitise myself.
I actually think it helped me on the day. I didn’t focus on the funeral, didn’t look at anyone, I was so worried about it. My eulogy was the last part of the ceremony. I remember hanging onto the pulpit, to stop my hands shaking, but once I started it, the words were so familiar they just came. I had one tiny moment towards the end, but I just stopped for a moment, took a few deep breaths, and carried on. Afterwards, outside the Crem, I cried. My uncle and aunt came out saying he’d have been so proud of you. So many people said they hat a good job I’d done. And I did feel proud, and like I’d done my absolute best for him. A few friends have since said that they’d done it themselves at their parent’s funerals, but had been worried. I always say, it’s not a competition and you just do what you can. And that’s true. There’s no right or wrong..
weirdly I’ve recently had to rewrite the eulogy to adapt it for a local magazine that want to include something about him, and six months later it has had me crying my eyes out again!