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Original poster

Daughters neighbour, sudden death, left husband who has dementia

61 replies

twanmever · 29/01/2023 19:41

I'm looking for some advice on what is the best way to approach this. My daughter's neighbour has died this evening. Her husband has dementia and there are no relatives. Paramedics have just left, and she has been left on the floor. Paramedics have put in an urgent request for social services assistance and for the police. We're presuming that this is because it's an unexplained death. Is there any way to speed up this process? My daughter who is there does not know the neighbours as she is house sitting next door. The poor man is so upset, but he can't be left alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
twanmever · 29/01/2023 19:41

The man next door couldn't remember how to dial 999, so his dementia probably means he can't live alone.

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Cactuslove · 29/01/2023 19:43

Ring the local council number for adult social care. There should be an out of hours number made clear to you and they will respond as this is an emergency. Your daughter needs to make clear she is in no way able to support.

vodkaredbullgirl · 29/01/2023 19:44

Yes as it's a sudden death the person has to stay on the floor. Hopefully someone will be there soon.

silverclock222 · 29/01/2023 19:44

Gosh, that's so sad! I have absolutely no idea but perhaps you could call 101 and ask for advice (even if you're in a different area)?

Changechangychange · 29/01/2023 19:44

Usually leads to a hospital admission for the surviving spouse, until a nursing home placement can be found. Tell her not to worry, they won’t leave him in the house alone overnight if he clearly can’t take care of himself.

supercatlady · 29/01/2023 19:45

It’s highly unusual for ambulance to leave before police arrive. Do I understand correctly that the woman has died and her body has been left with the man with dementia?

Original poster
twanmever · 29/01/2023 19:47

supercatlady · 29/01/2023 19:45

It’s highly unusual for ambulance to leave before police arrive. Do I understand correctly that the woman has died and her body has been left with the man with dementia?

yes, that's exactly what's happened. My daughter is in there now as well, he hasn't been left alone but the paramedics said it could be hours before anyone comes out and she's loath to leave him. I think perhaps she should ring to say that she can't stay long and chase it with social services?

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determinedtomakethiswork · 29/01/2023 19:47

That is so sad. I hope he gets the help he needs.

vodkaredbullgirl · 29/01/2023 19:49

supercatlady · 29/01/2023 19:45

It’s highly unusual for ambulance to leave before police arrive. Do I understand correctly that the woman has died and her body has been left with the man with dementia?

That was what I thought as well. I have had to deal with a sudden death and paramedic informed the police and they came while paramedic were there.

DaVariance · 29/01/2023 19:49

The ambulance have done the right thing

It's just a waiting game now

If your daughter told them she'd wait with him then they might not be as swift

Original poster
twanmever · 29/01/2023 19:50

Thanks for your advice everyone, I'm messaging her now to say she needs to tell Social Services and the Police that she can't stay (which she can't, she has kids to see to)

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QuitterShitter · 29/01/2023 19:53

What a sad thing to read 😔

Original poster
twanmever · 29/01/2023 19:55

It's an awfully sad situation, totally unexpected.

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Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 29/01/2023 20:02

Not ideal but would he be willing to come next door so she can sort the dc out?

winesolveseverything · 29/01/2023 20:05

The ambulance crew cannot leave until there is a responsible adult there to take charge of the body.

That is either a relative who is on scene, or a NOK - again who needs to be physically present before they leave. This individual is responsible for contacting the undertaker who will come and remove the body to the chapel of rest.

If it is a suspicious death then the police will attend- with the ambulance crew still in attendance.

If there is no one, then the police are contacted who will attend and act on behalf of the coroner. The ambulance crew should not be leaving before they arrive.

I can't imagine for one minute that your daughter offer to take charge of this situation? But did she give the impression that she would stay with the husband?

Vermin · 29/01/2023 20:09

Has she tried ringing 1471 and calling the last number to dial into the landline in his house? That might unearth someone who knows him. Or look near the phone / on the fridge door / kitchen wall for a list of names? There might well be something laid out for him with his dementia. Poor, poor man - does he understand what’s happened?

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 29/01/2023 20:14

The paramedics left a man with dementia and his dead wife and said the police could be hours? Really?

Your daughter must of said she will stay and be ‘responsible’ for both if them

If she cant then she needs to ring 999 and tell them the situation and they need to come back and take the man with dementia into hospital

Adviceneeded200 · 29/01/2023 20:16

Last May the doctor took three hours to get to our house when Mum passed away on a Sunday evening from diagnosed end of life cancer. Then we were allowed to call the undertaker (we already had him on standby whilst waiting for the doctor) and she was able to leave for the funeral home about 10 at night. but Im guessing as this was unexplained it might not be so straightforward.

I wonder if the doctor will help to make sure the husband is safe tonight?

Wasywasydoodah · 29/01/2023 20:18

Definitely a police matter. She should call them. It’s unlikely social services will do anything tonight, and they’ll respond quicker to the police calling them than your daughter.

NotMeNoNo · 29/01/2023 20:23

Some people with dementia have a Carers Emergency Response Plan for situations like this, there might be a card with relatives contact details? Honestly we're trying to set one up for my mum so I don't know exactly how it works.

NotMeNoNo · 29/01/2023 20:25

A card in a wallet or a keyring may have emergency contact details.

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 29/01/2023 20:27

vodkaredbullgirl · 29/01/2023 19:44

Yes as it's a sudden death the person has to stay on the floor. Hopefully someone will be there soon.

When my mum died unexpectedly the paramedics put her in bed - she had been on the floor as we were attempting cpr - and laid her out and asked us if we wanted her face covered, arms out of the sheets etc. they really treated her with care and respect. The police had to inspect her body and they were also lovely.

Original poster
twanmever · 29/01/2023 20:29

winesolveseverything · 29/01/2023 20:05

The ambulance crew cannot leave until there is a responsible adult there to take charge of the body.

That is either a relative who is on scene, or a NOK - again who needs to be physically present before they leave. This individual is responsible for contacting the undertaker who will come and remove the body to the chapel of rest.

If it is a suspicious death then the police will attend- with the ambulance crew still in attendance.

If there is no one, then the police are contacted who will attend and act on behalf of the coroner. The ambulance crew should not be leaving before they arrive.

I can't imagine for one minute that your daughter offer to take charge of this situation? But did she give the impression that she would stay with the husband?

Police are there now. I'm guessing she must have given the impression she would stay. She's now told the police she can't stay, so they're trying to get social services in quick.

The ambulance crew had definitely gone, and then again with the shortages of crew it's probably reasonable under the circumstances for them to go.

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Original poster
twanmever · 29/01/2023 20:30

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 29/01/2023 20:14

The paramedics left a man with dementia and his dead wife and said the police could be hours? Really?

Your daughter must of said she will stay and be ‘responsible’ for both if them

If she cant then she needs to ring 999 and tell them the situation and they need to come back and take the man with dementia into hospital

I thought it was quite clear that he hadn't been left alone, and tbh I could do without the 'really?' It's all being dealt with now, the police have arrived.

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Original poster
twanmever · 29/01/2023 20:34

To everyone who have given advice, thanks very much.

Police are now there and the man's sisters are arriving tomorrow to take care of him. Police are still waiting for social services to arrive, but it's been made clear my daughter can't stay.

It's an absolutely heartbreaking situation. It's made me realise that we must have contact details and procedures in place in case this ever happens to us. It's just not something you think might happen, I suppose.

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