Daughters neighbour, sudden death, left husband who has dementia

[twanmever]

I'm looking for some advice on what is the best way to approach this. My daughter's neighbour has died this evening. Her husband has dementia and there are no relatives. Paramedics have just left, and she has been left on the floor. Paramedics have put in an urgent request for social services assistance and for the police. We're presuming that this is because it's an unexplained death. Is there any way to speed up this process? My daughter who is there does not know the neighbours as she is house sitting next door. The poor man is so upset, but he can't be left alone.

Gosh well done to your daughter and to you for supporting. That's truly dreadful from the paramedics and the police (yes, I know they are stretched, but still).

Absolutely agree with @strawberriesarenot OP, if everyone involved are willing, this needs to be on record with the local MP. So pleased they got him properly looked after in the end. Well done to you and your daughter.

When my DF died suddenly the police stayed with my frail DM until my brother was able to get there (from 2 hours away). The paramedics took DFs body to the morgue at the hospital. There was never a suggestion that DM would be left on her own after finding her husband dead.

I rang social services who told me the police had informed them that my daughter had agreed to put the man to bed and check him the next morning.

Told you so. Whatever excuse they can find to leave your daughter to sort it out (I’m sure because they are busy, but even so).

Glad your daughter was able to get him the help he needed.

Sadly very true.

Dear God what kind of world are we living in. What a truly tragic, traumatic and utterly unacceptable situation.

This is shockingly awful for everyone involved. What a total dereliction of duty by all the authorities who should have individually taken responsibility for an incredibly vulnerable man who they expected to stay, alone, with his wife’s body on the floor. Absolutely barbaric. I’d certainly complain to every local elected
official you can find, and in particular local councillors who are more likely to care about this than the MP (depending on what party they belong to..)

What an awful end to the marriage. That poor couple. Your daughter was a real star and you sound like you have been a really great support to her.

Well done both of you.

I'm so glad the man has appropriate care now and hopefully more that he is "in the system" he will continue to get appropriate help.

I'm so angry that this is normal. We have to fight tooth and nail for basic social care, and that (through chronic underfunding) it is normal for public organisations to palm care off into people like your daughter.

There are huge numbers of people burning out every day nectar they are trying to be carers for relatives with totally inadequate support. This is Tory Britain.

I'm following this with great interest.

First of all, well done your daughter and you, twanmever
That poor couple.

I'm in Australia and have been approached by an elderly neighbour to be first contact should they have to go in to hospital and their frail OH needs to go in to some temporary care. My job would be contact the care people, clean and lock up the house. I'm late 60s and retired.

The issue for me is making sure the care organisation don't take me as the carer, and I've warned my neighbour that when they come round to assess, I'll be very straightforward indeed. I've offered, and the neighbours have accepted me to be in at the assessment and have my iPad, FaceTiming the meeting so the DCs can take part. Tech is beyond the frail OH now and the neighbour never got across it. Their DCs live overseas and are in touch with me.

I'm not staggering under the responsibility, as push hasn't come to shove, and I'm taking this on of my own volition, but this thread brought home to me how dependent we are on each other in ways that exceed common decency because of the way the system lets people down.