Daughters neighbour, sudden death, left husband who has dementia

[twanmever]

I'm looking for some advice on what is the best way to approach this. My daughter's neighbour has died this evening. Her husband has dementia and there are no relatives. Paramedics have just left, and she has been left on the floor. Paramedics have put in an urgent request for social services assistance and for the police. We're presuming that this is because it's an unexplained death. Is there any way to speed up this process? My daughter who is there does not know the neighbours as she is house sitting next door. The poor man is so upset, but he can't be left alone.

That's what I thought would have happened. She's still on the living room floor and he's had to be in the same room as her all along.

That is naughty of the crew. I'm very unimpressed.

The lady could have been moved to a more comfortable position, if not the bed, a sofa, or just given a pillow and a blanket if there's was no option other than to leave her on the floor.

They should not have left. Operational demand is no excuse. They were tasked to deal with that job and should have seen it through to fruition regardless of the time it took.

It gets worse, the undertaker is on the way but now the police want to leave him there alone overnight as relatives will be arriving tomorrow. We're trying to get through to Social Services now.

Your daughter needs to leave them to it. The police are obviously hoping she’s sort him out and save them the trouble - they’ve left him with a responsible adult, their work is done.

She needs to go home now and leave them to it. They won’t leave a demented man in the house by himself, when he clearly can’t look after himself. Her being there is giving them an excuse not to sort this out.

As it is a sudden death a coroner's undertakers take the body. As for the poor man, hope something gets sorted tonight.

Unlikely anything Social Care can do in these circumstances. I can say that as a social worker on an Emergency Duty Team who works nights. He needs to be taken to hospital as a safe place overnight until approximate plans can be made. The days of emergency respite care in a residential placement are sadly over.

Appropriate not approximate, sorry

Yes but who does that @WhoInvitedHer ? Social care. Not a random next door neighbour

Op, I hope your daughter and this man are ok.

But those saying the paramedics/ambulance shouldn't have left her... I'd be pretty pissed off if my dad, or me, was left to die of my heart attack because the people that could help were staying with a body. They're already dead. The person they went to might not be, if they get there in time. There are not enough paramedics/ambulances.

It sounds like OP's daughter did a grand job.

This is the "big society" and austerity people voted for- there are no social care, police, health care workers spare. They're all cut. With the expectation that OP's daughter will fill the gap.

People voted for this- this, a confused old man, a busy neighbour, and a dead body. This is austerity. Saying there should be social care, the police, paramedics etc doesn't make them appear, sadly. There should be, but people voted Tory, so there isn't.

Absolutely. Well said. Today's society is a disgraceful mess.

Social Care out of hours in our area and many areas is one social worker dealing with adult and child protection, youth justice, possibly homelessness and many other issues. We do not transport people to hospital. The ambulance crew have a safeguarding responsibility to the husband with dementia and in my view were the appropriate service to take him to hospital. Failing that it is likely to fall to the police who may call another ambulance out as this is likely to be the safest way to transport him.

Poor poor man. 😞

When my mam died suddenly at home the paramedics contacted the police but had to leave before the police got to the house. My mam died on the landing and was left until the police officer came. He was very kind and then waited for the coroners who took my mam away.

It was around 3 hours in total I think, maybe slightly longer.

Do the neighbours have any family your daughter can contact? How so very sad.

Your daughter is being very kind staying with the husband, especially as he had dementia and will likely be confused. Is the wife in the same room? Has she been covered over? That could be distressing for the husband if she isn't as she will change a bit over the next few hours.

Wow this is heartbreaking. Hopefully the man is okay overnight and the sisters arrive sooner rather than later.

This is a community issue. If your daughter has to go and mind children then she needs to knock on other neighbours doors and ask for more help. The authority services can't do everything we all have to be good neighbours too. One of the neighbours will be able to stay on the sofa and keep the man company and wait for the undertakers to come and collect the body.

He probably doesn’t know the corpse is his wife. He won’t remember her death, that’s for sure.

There are no blessings with dementia except the inability to register or comprehend horrible sights.

I would not leave him alone with the body, however.

It's absolutely not the neighbours responsibility!!! What a ridiculous solution!!

What a terrible situation. Could a charity like Help the Aged advise?

I'm so sorry for the poor man and for your daughter. I cannot believe the ambulance crew and police have acted legally to properly discharge their duty of care in leaving your daughter in charge of a situation like this. Forget cuts / operational demand etc, every regulatory body has priority of welfare of vulnerable people in their code of contact and can't believe ambulance crew and police both feel they can wash their hands of it, that's disgusting.

Maybe. In a Tory fantasy world.

Well,it shouldn't be a community issue or responsibility ,and political will is what has brought us to the dreadful situation described here .
But I quite agree about asking neighbours for help .I'd certainly share the waiting time so that the OP's daughter could get back to her home .

Just a final update. I rang social services who told me the police had informed them that my daughter had agreed to put the man to bed and check him the next morning. I told them she hadn't, asked if they had spoken to her themselves (they hadn't) and asked if they thought it was appropriate in the circumstances.

We had a discussion around what had transpired, and they said they can't magic beds from nowhere and if we thought he shouldn't be alone then he would have to be admitted to hospital. They agreed to speak to my daughter which they did very quickly. She explained her concerns, and they said they would call her back. They called back within a few minutes and said they were sending out a local Care Home manager to assess him.

The Care Home manager arrived within 30 minutes, and very quickly ascertained that he could absolutely not be left alone overnight, and agreed to admit him overnight so further assessments could be done with Social Services the next day. He was safely taken to the home by 11 pm last night, thankfully.

Thanks to everyone who was kind enough to give advice, it really helped consolidate what needed to be done and we are all very grateful.

That's good news to hear, well done to your daughter. Hope she is okay.

If you have time, and your daughter and the poor man's family agree, I feel this should be made public. At a minimum, I would make sure the local MP has a written record of what happened. It might help other people, because what on earth would have happened if you and your daughter had not been able to persist until proper help was given.