My dad died suddenly

[SliceoQuiche]

Yesterday in the early evening my lovely dad died. It was sudden- I dropped my son off for a weekend with his grandparents 2 hours beforehand and he was chatting and being his usual ‘dad’ self, told me he’d see me Sunday when they brought my son home.
He went into cardiac arrest when it was just him and my son in the room watching the football and doing a crossword together.. he’s only 11 and I keep thinking he must have been so frightened. But he was wonderful and did everything he could and should have done.
Mum called me to say the paramedics were there and I got to the house as they were working on him. He was taken to hospital when they’d stabilised him. We followed and learned on arrival that he’d had another arrest in the ambulance and then another at the hospital.
I feel like I’m sleep walking and can’t process what’s happening… 2pm we were talking as normal, by 6:30pm I was holding his hand in the hospital after he’d passed.

I don’t know why I’m posting.. maybe to find clarity if I say what happened again. None of this makes sense and there isn’t a word to describe how devastated I am.

So it’s been 10 days. The longest 10 days ever, but we’ve got things arranged for the new year now, and Dad’s body has finally been released to the funeral home. It gives me peace to think he’ll be looked after. There’s something about hospital morgues that give me the creeps, all seems a bit clinical and cold.

I’ve pulled out of all Christmas meals with work and hobby group, and a musical I was due to be in in February, 4 weeks after the funeral. I feel sad about all of it, how eventually I’m going to have to get on and be normal again.

I have the shortest fuse ever- I’m guessing that’s expected? I feel so angry with everything and everybody, for no reason at all. It’s exhausting.

Thinking of you xxx

I’m sending you SO much love. If you’d like to private message me, feel free. My dad passed in July and I have been struggling. I think when it’s not expected it’s even harder to deal with. Take care of yourself ❤️

Sorry you lost your lovely Dad. It will take time to sink in. They say a sudden death is best for person dying as no long lingering in pain, but it is harder for those left behind as less time to mentally prepare yourself.

Thanks for putting my feelings into words caringcarer 🙏

So true. My husband died suddenly from heart failure several years ago. It was certainly best for him, especially as he’d have been a terrible patient! But so awful for us. Even now I get the occasional dream that it was all a mistake and didn’t really happen, but less often than in the early days when my mind just didn’t really process the shock, even though I was doing the outer actions expected of me.

I lost my mother recently, after a terminal diagnosis 2 years ago. That grief is hard too, but it’s definitely different, in my experience, from a sudden loss

I totally get what you say about the hospital morgue OP, I had the same reaction as you when my husband was there, even though the staff were supportive.

Anger is a really natural and important aspect of grief, maybe not discussed enough?

The hardest and longest stage for me was depression, later on, a delayed reaction.

But actually anger was the most frightening and overwhelming in my experience

I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my Dad in same way, one second there next gone.
You are in shock, please be kind to yourself this will take a while to accept xxxxxxx

@OrlaCarmichael, you have known a lot of loss. It is very very hard to accept.y Dad died suddenly of several heart attacks close in proximity like yours. He had one I drove down on a Wednesday Evening in the snow. I saw him and we spoke. I had to go back on the Friday. Dad seemed ok. I had to go home as 2 young children at the time left with DH. Saturday he had another massive heart attack and died. My Mum had pancreatic cancer and was very ill and unwell for 5 months. She lost 4 stone and in the end could not eat or even drink. She just had lips and mouth made moist. She was in pain but had a morphine driver. My sister's and I knew it was coming so no shock. We cared for her for last 8 weeks between us.

@caringcarer you describe the difference so well.

It was a shock with our mother too, but more that it was a shock it happened that particular day, without any typical indications.

But it wasn’t anything like the shock of losing my husband suddenly