My dad died suddenly

[SliceoQuiche]

Yesterday in the early evening my lovely dad died. It was sudden- I dropped my son off for a weekend with his grandparents 2 hours beforehand and he was chatting and being his usual ‘dad’ self, told me he’d see me Sunday when they brought my son home.
He went into cardiac arrest when it was just him and my son in the room watching the football and doing a crossword together.. he’s only 11 and I keep thinking he must have been so frightened. But he was wonderful and did everything he could and should have done.
Mum called me to say the paramedics were there and I got to the house as they were working on him. He was taken to hospital when they’d stabilised him. We followed and learned on arrival that he’d had another arrest in the ambulance and then another at the hospital.
I feel like I’m sleep walking and can’t process what’s happening… 2pm we were talking as normal, by 6:30pm I was holding his hand in the hospital after he’d passed.

I don’t know why I’m posting.. maybe to find clarity if I say what happened again. None of this makes sense and there isn’t a word to describe how devastated I am.

Oh hun. I'm so sorry. Hugs to you and your son ❤️

I am so sorry to read this. Such an awful shock for you. Sending love, and please try to take care of yourself.

So sorry for your loss OP, what a shock. Your son sounds like an amazing little guy. Your father was surrounded by loving family when he passed.

I’m so sorry.

So sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family xx

I am so sorry for your loss. My mum died in similar circumstances a year ago, yesterday. Posting here did help, though like you I wasn’t sure why I started the post. It does help some.

The fact that they were fine then a few hours later they were gone feels so surreal. It’s so shocking.

Please take care of yourselves. Your family will be in my thoughts.

Thank you everybody.
In terms of practical advice, we know the majority of what happens next as we lost my grandad last year (my poor mum lost her dad and husband within 14 months of each other and it breaks my heart) but that was after a long two year battle with cancer.
As dad passed so suddenly he has to have a post mortem- could anybody tell me what to expect? Will they relay information in person or over the phone for example?

💐sorry for your loss @SliceoQuiche , my dad died suddenly from a heart attack at home in 1990 when he was early 50s , my mum and sister found him about 10 minutes after it happened . WRT the PM ( my mum had one after her death as well a couple of years ago) they phones us with the results .

When my husband died there was a PM, I was told over the phone what had been found. I was told that I could have as much, or as little info as I wanted. The coroner's officer was very kind and helpful. I could ask questions if I wanted, but I knew enough from her first sentence. They were very professional.

My heart goes out to you OP, and to your poor mum too. I'm so sorry you've all experienced such loss in a short time. My mum died of sudden cardiac arrest 3 months ago, so I do empathise with your pain. In our experience the coroners office were very helpful and sensitive when calling us. It did take a bit longer than we hoped as the PM results were initially inconclusive, so they had fo investigate further which was tough as we had to wait to plan a funeral date. The full process took just over two weeks though so not as long as we were warned it may. We were still able to plan pretty much everything for the funeral, just not pin down a date at that point.
Hoping the process is as quick as possible for you. Be gentle and kind to yourself and hold your family tight

I feel your pain a few weeks ago I lost my dad unexpectedly he popped out to the shops and had a heart attack in the street I miss him terribly we were extremely close, your poor son being there he must be so shocked as the rest of the family I send you all my love and prayers 🙏

My mum was failing for two years, but the end last February was swift, she went in a week from having poor mobility and a razor sharp mind to not being able to feed herself. (brain bleeds from a fall in November, no MRI due to pacemaker)

I will forever treasure the week I spent with her before she died.

Please be kind to yourself, ready meals are the way to go and stock of baking potatoes.

Sending you love, strength and fortitude.

🙏

So sorry for your loss

The child bereavement network and winstons wish have resources that may help with your son, every child is different, but I would also speak to his school and tell them roughly what happened and that he witnessed it, they can also then support him.

At 11 looking at adult resources may be useful as well

Look after yourself too, a huge shock, take each day and remember we all are here in the virtual world if you need a shoulder, or down to Earth advice on what happens next

So sorry for your loss. What an awful shock for you all.

@SliceoQuiche
I saw your message and had to post. I am so so sorry for your loss.
My Dad died suddenly of a heart attack on Thursday night. He was fit, young and healthy and it’s such a shock. I’m so so so sorry you are going through this pain. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Lots of love to you and your beautiful boy xxx

My heartfelt condolences to everyone who has lost someone.

All I can say is my aunt went very quickly & though awful for everyone left behind it was a blessing that she didn’t suffer & went quickly. It’s worse for the family as the shock & Grief & no time to prepare.

My dad died earlier this year from a brain tumour & watching him suffer that last year & especially the last few weeks is indescribable but we had time to prepare as much as is possible to.

Take care of yourself & love to your brave little boy. 💐💐

When mum died, my dad was called and told the results of the Post Mortem. It did take a while, but I don’t know if that’s just this area or things are working faster. But it was about 12 days. We couldn’t have the funeral until the 30th either. She was catholic and it was the first space in her church that they had due to Christmas services and other funerals and things going on.

It was a long wait and looking back I think I was in shock all of December.

I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad OP. Your poor son too, what an awful thing for him to witness. My DH was about 10, when he and his were on holiday alone abroad his dad had a heart attack, he has never forgotten it.

Very sorry for your loss. I lost my lovely dad in very similar circumstances 6 years ago. He went out to a village meeting and never came home. The shock takes a while to get over. The grieving takes a long time. No words of wisdom- it's horrible and very hard. Love to you and your family

So sorry OP 💐💐💐

I'm so very sorry for your loss. My mum died suddenly, I was right there when it happened. As an adult I knew rationally i could not have saved her, but after the initial shock and then from time to time for many months I struggled with feelings of guilt. So I'd say keep a close eye on your son, and keep up with the reassurance as seeing your grief may make him feel he should/could have done something different to help.

Oh @SliceoQuiche - sending you so much love to you, your DS and family xx

So sorry for your loss. My children ahve lost 3 out of four grandparents this way with no warning. My mum was looking after my then four year old dd and the next morning she was gone. It is so hard, harder in many ways that a period of illness.

I'm so sorry to hear this, I lost my grandmother VERY suddenly aged 8 and like with your son it was just me and her present, the difference being we were walking along the street.

From my experience your son will feel very traumatised by what he saw. I can honestly say I have re seen that day every single day since and I'm now late 30's.

Please reach out to winstones wish for him, I hope you are all able to hold onto each other and get through these days as a family together.

Oh I'm so sorry, OP.

Thinking of you and your family x

Thank you for sharing your experiences, especially with regards to what my son might have gone through. I’m going to keep talking here, even if it’s to myself for a bit, to get it out.
Today was the first day I saw friends since it happened. Everyone was so lovely but I now feel guilty that I had those hours laughing a bit and not feeling sad. I’m nowhere near sad yet, I have a tightness in my chest and my brain is foggy and still can’t believe it. When I’m telling people what happened it’s a source of comfort but it’s very matter of fact and almost like I’m retelling someone else’s story.
Got to ring work tomorrow and go to the school so we’ll see what that triggers. Hoping to hear from the hospital at some point too, as they said they’d follow up after the weekend with my mum.