31+4 stillborn

[Chelseamc9]

Im 29 this was my first pregnancy. Ive dreamt of being a mum for aslong as i can remember i was so happy so was my partner. My pregnancy was pretty easy no real cause for concern. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 26 weeks and i was diet controlled, my numbers were all in range. At my 20 week scan they told me it was a 2 vessel cord but nothing to be worried about...Didn't mention it again and when i asked about it at 28 weeks they said nothing to worry about. I found out on Monday night after going into EOU about redued movments. They couldn't find her heartbeat. After a scan they told me she had died. I felt like my whole world had just ended, and the guilt seeing the pain in my partners face. Everything ive wished and dreamt of being a mum to our baby gone in a single second. I go in tomorrow to start the labour process. My question is has anyone not got a post mortem and regretted it. Me and my partner can't decide if we want to. If we decide we want to they have to send her over to Liverpool on a boat and we won't get her back for 2 days then obviously the results take months. Prolonging her funeral and in my head the grieving process. What if it was something i done wrong...how could i live with the guilt of her death and the pain I've caused everyone. Is there noway of telling what happened with regular tests at the hospital? Anyone had any experience with this.

Her name is Aaliyah 💕

I am so sorry, I have no advise on PM but didn't want to just skip by. Aaliyah is a beautiful name ❤️

I will never understand why things like this have to happen , so very sorry x

Sending you so, so much love @Chelseamc9 and praying that things went/go smoothly. So sorry for your loss. Rest in sweet peace, Aaliyah x

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss- Aaliyah is a beautiful name, you will always be her parents. Our daughter, Isabelle, was stillborn at 32 weeks. I wasn't sure whether to have a PM, but we did in the end - only so we could try and make sure it was nothing that could affect future pregnancies. It didn't show anything useful though (although i suppose it ruled out things, so in some ways helpful), and I now kind of wish we hadn't had a PM and just kept her as she was born (but then this may have made the next pregnancy even more stressful not knowing). Hard to know really - only you and your partner can make that choice. I found SANDS really helpful, as others have said.

Im sorry for your loss also xxxSorry to ask but did you go on to have a living baby? X

We didn't do the post mortem... I couldn't bear sending her to Liverpool.. We are in northern ireland. On her own. We will have are review soon. They did tests on placenta and cord. In my heart i know it was the 2 ccord vessel... After i was diagnosed with gestational diabetes they didn't look at the cord or heart they just cared about the diabetes. If the post mortem could of been done in my country i would of 😔

Hi @Chelseamc9

i responded to your thread earlier, I also lost a little boy and his cord was 2 vessel, I didn’t have a PM either but like you had the histology of the placenta and cord. Unfortunately for me I didn’t get any more answers beyond the 2 vessel cord, and that was hard because I wanted a concrete reason, not just possibilities for why this might have happened. It’s such a huge tragedy and you feel as if you deserve a reason as to why your precious baby is no longer with you. I still ponder on it almost 2 years later, I suspect it will always bother me but at the same time I have also come to make a kind of peace with not knowing.

If It helps at all to know I did go on to have another pregnancy which resulted in my baby twins. I won’t lie and tell you that pregnancy after loss is easy and wonderful because it wasn’t, I was an anxious nervous wreck and couldn’t believe I would be lucky enough to bring my babies home but I did get to bring them home. My rainbows will never ever replace my angel boy but they have helped heal the some of the pain in my heart but there will always be a piece missing that belongs to my Angel.

Gentle hugs to you, I hope you get some answers from your review and if you are thinking about trying again in the future please do enquire about their rainbow clinic services, I was under the rainbow clinic and I cannot fault the care and support I received.