31+4 stillborn

[Chelseamc9]

Im 29 this was my first pregnancy. Ive dreamt of being a mum for aslong as i can remember i was so happy so was my partner. My pregnancy was pretty easy no real cause for concern. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 26 weeks and i was diet controlled, my numbers were all in range. At my 20 week scan they told me it was a 2 vessel cord but nothing to be worried about...Didn't mention it again and when i asked about it at 28 weeks they said nothing to worry about. I found out on Monday night after going into EOU about redued movments. They couldn't find her heartbeat. After a scan they told me she had died. I felt like my whole world had just ended, and the guilt seeing the pain in my partners face. Everything ive wished and dreamt of being a mum to our baby gone in a single second. I go in tomorrow to start the labour process. My question is has anyone not got a post mortem and regretted it. Me and my partner can't decide if we want to. If we decide we want to they have to send her over to Liverpool on a boat and we won't get her back for 2 days then obviously the results take months. Prolonging her funeral and in my head the grieving process. What if it was something i done wrong...how could i live with the guilt of her death and the pain I've caused everyone. Is there noway of telling what happened with regular tests at the hospital? Anyone had any experience with this.

Her name is Aaliyah 💕

I’m so sorry for your loss 😖

My story is a loss at 18 weeks and a loss at 12 weeks and we were able to test in both occasions and found chromosomal abnormalities. This helped me understand and stop blaming myself. I know it’s not the same but it was a helpful process for me.

lots and lots of love to you all ♥️♥️♥️

Much Love to Aaliyahs mum and dad. May your beautiful daughter rest peacefully knowing she will be loved and missed for ever.

So sorry for your loss of your beautiful daughter. Sending you and your partner lots of love 💐💐x

I am so sorry that you are going through this terrible pain, sadly it’s a pain I also know. I lost my son, he also had a 2 vessel cord, I opted against a post mortem as I just couldn’t bear to think of it, but I did opt for histology (swabs of baby, cord, myself and testing of the placenta) sadly it did not provide any conclusive answers.

They didn’t rule the 2 vessel cord as a specific reason for my loss, as many pregnancies do succeed to term with this, but of course it’s possible it was the reason or at least a contributing factor.

I am so terribly sorry for you and your beautiful Aaliyah.

Tommy’s, Sands & Aching Arms have all been very useful places of support for me. You may be given an Aching Arms bear during your hospital stay, but if you are not you can contact the charity via their website and request one (it’s free) you can also donate one in your daughters name if you wish, I donate one every year on my sons birthday. The teddy bear I received (and I am in touch with the mummy who donated it in her sons name) has brought so much comfort and has been something to hold and cuddle when I could no longer hold and cuddle my son.

If I can offer you any advice at all or support please do feel free to PM anytime. Sending so much love you ❤️

You are all so brave and strong

I'm so sorry for your loss. We too had a loss at 30 weeks, picked up from a routine midwife appointment followed by a swift entry to hospital for a scan, where the consultant found no heartbeat. I was induced that night and we had a small but perfect little boy. They took photos and hand and footprints. We did opt for a post mortem to check that it was nothing genetic , though we had a healthy 2 1/2 year old at the time. Though this was now 12 years ago, the number of pathologists able to perform them in pre term babies was 3. It took a long time and this the funeral was delayed. It was found that the placenta had failed and in our subsequent pregnancy. We were under consultant care with growth scans every 3 weeks after 20 weeks with the option to electively induce after 36 weeks. We had a healthy boy 13 months later, who is now 11. Please feel free to message me, With best wishes. Thinking of you

I am so so sorry for your loss.
With or without a PM, please know this is not your fault. Not at all. Sending you so much love and strength, and rest well beautiful Aaliyah x

What an awful situation to be in. I'm so sorry.

I do think you should have a post mortem OP. My reasoning is that if you don't and you become pregnant again (assuming you want to try), then you will always have the anxiety and worry and the "what if"
If the post mortem gives you answers and could possibly help another pregnancy 🤰 in the future then at least you could look at it like your daughter is the reason you have your second child. Her little life will have a huge impact if you see what I mean.

Again I'm so so sorry this is happening to you. No one should have to lose a child in any circumstances. Rest assured your daughter knew love and comfort and safety in you for 31 weeks. Thinking of you and your partner.

So sorry to hear you are going through this but please dont blame yourself as there are usually no reasons for this. Give yourself a little time to make a decision about the post mortem as your immediate thoughts may not match what you think a little further down the line. Take care.

Hey lovely , so sorry for the loss of your baby girl.

There are loads of decisions to make at the worst time.

Take each day at a time .

Dont put pressure on yourself , go with your gut

I was offered a PM for my baby girl but I didn't opt for that - she had a general diagnosis and I didn't feel the need or that it would offer any comfort.

I was basically alone with all the decisions as my partner and I weren't strong relationship wise and we split up . But I went with my instincts and haven't regretted it .

Be really kind to yourself. This was nothing you did , it's just shit and I'm so sorry

Much love to you all

I am so sorry x

I am sending you so much strength op xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss x

I'm so sorry for your loss

You did absolutely nothing wrong.

You provided a warm and safe home for your daughter while she grew. She heard and felt your heartbeat until her last - what a comfort for her. You will always be her mummy.

Be kind to yourself tomorrow and take time afterwards to decide about next step - you'll know what the right thing to do is.

I'm so incredibly sorry for the loss of your sweet girl, OP. I have no idea if this helps (or even whether to add this at all really), but I was reading a scientific article recently about how once you've carried a baby, their cells stay in your body forever, and that those cells can sometimes even helping you avoid getting sick or developing heart issues as you get older. I hoped it might bring you comfort knowing that she'll always be part of you in more ways than one. Sending you lots of love, I'm so very sorry

Hi, I lost my last baby many years ago - totally different circumstances as I was significantly older than you. Anyway re post mortem I felt at the time that I probably did not need a post mortem while my partner felt he needed an answer. Looking back I am glad. We were lucky that (age related) it was downs syndrome so we did get our answers which definitely helped.
Youay need to prepare yourself that there is a possibility that you may not get an answer. They will test for genetic disorders - but really only for theore common ones.
I do remember when my baby died the only thing that seemed to help was talking to lots of other women and I was surprised how much of a taboo it still was and also howany women had lost first babies late in the pregnancy.
It may sound like a cliche but you will find a way of integrating your baby and their death over time.
I would possibly ask for the post mortem (I am glad my partner did) as it gave us at least the chance of an answer.

I dont have experience of what you are going through but I am so sorry that your beautiful Aaliyah has passed. And reading all of the other experiences of the loss of your babies is heartbreaking.

May they rest peacefully in the arms of the angels.

You can only go with your gut feeling and trust its the right decision for you.

I do have some friends who have suffered late term losses and I know they have been very grateful to have taken lots of photos, videos, footprint handprint etc. Im sure the hospital will be on top of all of this for you.

Thinking of you OP

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter.
We opted for the PM when DD was born sleeping and she also went to Liverpool for it. The time passed quickly and I felt that she was looked after with great care and respect throughout. We saw her after she was back at our local hospital and you absolutely would not know she had had any tests done. She looked peaceful and perfect.
Our PM didn't show anything significant but that in itself was reassuring and we have gone on to have a healthy child since.
Be gentle with yourself as you make these decisions over the next few days, you will know what feels right for you 💐

I would recommend speaking to your local bereavement specialist Midwife once you have delivered your little one.
There are different options of post-mortem ranging from swabs to minimally invasive and full post-mortem. No matter what you choose Aliyah will be well cared for whilst she is away from you. Thinking of you and your family.

Thinking of you and Aaliyah today x

OP, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. There are no other words but wish you so much strength at this difficult time. 💐

@Chelseamc9 so incredibly sorry to hear of your loss. I myself am currently waiting on Post Mortem results. I lost my son at 20 weeks 2 months ago and the wait to find out what happened, and to know if I'll be able to try again is torturous - I'm worrying what types of reason for the loss will be found, but also worrying how to go through another pregnancy if no reason is found.
Please know we are thinking of you today as you meet your baby girl Aaliyah 💗 take your time to get your head straight after her birth, there is no compulsion to meet her immediately. The midwives will treat her with utmost dignity and respect, and allow you as much time as you need x

So sorry OP. Sending love and hugs to you and beautiful Aaliyah

So sorry for your loss. Please do reach out for professional help when you are ready, it's there for you.

I too had a two vessel cord with both of my DD's, I also lost another pregnancy circa 11 weeks. Both my DD's were behind for dates and 6lb born otherwise healthy, but I was told it was a a marker for renal and certain chromosomal abnormalities, thankfully they were fine (dd2 was screened after birth).

The decision on a post mortem is personal but I would want to know in case it has implications for the future.