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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Does anyone else dream about their deceased?

68 replies

ColeensBoot · 04/10/2022 13:42

I do. It is so distressing in the dream and the day or so after.

I'm dreaming I'm able to see him and talk to him. And hug him. And yet somehow can't quite communicate. Obviously as it's a dream. But I don't realise this at the time. Waking up exhausted. And so so sad.

What can I do? Or just nothing?

Anyone been through this?
Thanks

OP posts:

pompomdaisy · 07/10/2022 15:46

I've just started to be able to dream of my brother. He killed himself 18 months ago. I see it as a healing process as before it was even too painful to dream.

TheLoupGarou · 07/10/2022 16:56

Yes, not very often. It always 'feels' different to a normal dream - which I'm sure is just a weird brain thing - but it's very comforting. I also occasionally dream about my childhood family dog, who died over 25 years ago - she's always out playing in a big garden and it still makes me sad when I wake up, even after all these years.

OopsUpsideYerEad · 07/10/2022 16:58

All the time, I did last night, my mum and dad and even my old dog was in this one! I love it, I think of it as a way of them still being alive in my life.

Mischance · 07/10/2022 17:04

My late husband sometimes appears in my dreams.

Fallulah · 07/10/2022 17:32

Yes, I remember posting here when my dad died. I had a horrible dream where he wasn’t really dead but I couldn’t phone anyone to tell them because all the phone lines were cut.

Then another where we knew he was dead but he had been ‘sent back’ for a day and then we had to return him to the hospice, knowing he was dead and we were only borrowing him. They were awful dreams.

Nearly a year later my dad does crop up in my dreams but just as my dad, not as my dead dad. I find it quite nice actually - I wake up and think ‘ah, dad was in that one’ and it’s quite nice to see him.

Roselilly36 · 07/10/2022 17:35

DH frequently dreams about his mum, who he lost last year. The dreams are very reassuring.

Original poster

ColeensBoot · 07/10/2022 19:05

Wow I'm glad I asked.
Had no idea that it was a 'thing' and how common it is.

Glasshouse a whole PhD in it wow.

Over 2 years ago for me. It is getting easier but these dreams are so distressing.

Thanks all

OP posts:

CornedBeef451 · 07/10/2022 19:10

I dream about my brother occasionally. In the dream I always know he's dead though and I just enjoy seeing him.

Oddly I found him very irritating in real life but it seems I liked to know he was there to be annoyed at.

I'm still finding him irritating as it's just been a year and I've thought about him every day. I think he would happy he is still annoying me.

heidbuttsupper · 07/10/2022 19:15

I dream about my late husband often. I don't mind dreaming of him although I do feel confused in the morning.

In the early days of my DHs death, I dreamt a lot that he had actually faked his own death. It was really disturbing. I would dream that he came back and I had to tell everyone that he wasn't actually dead. In the dream he was always somewhere I couldn't get to but was definitely alive.

hangryorhungry · 07/10/2022 19:19

@glasshouse that's fascinating..
I dreamt of both grandparents this week- one died 12 years ago the other more recently. It was lovely to see them together again. As a child I would have a reoccurring dream about my paternal grandfather- I never met him, he died before I was born & was rarely spoken of.. I never told anyone as we just didn't speak of him in the family - often wonder if it was him visiting me?! I find it comforting but imagine if it was a much closer relative/ partner or a horrible 'too soon' death, it might not be so..

barneymcgroo · 07/10/2022 19:23

Yes. I lost a close relative over 10 years ago, and initially dreamt of her a lot. Those dreams hurt so much - I'd wake up having to remember all over again that she'd died. Nowadays I dream of her from time to time. In those dreams, I know she's dead in the dream, and it's so so lovely to see her. I feel a real sense of privilege that she's come to visit me.

Nimo12 · 07/10/2022 19:27

My dad died 20 years ago. We were really close but I think I've maybe dreamed of him 3 or 4 times. I wish I could dream of him more just to see him

CbCV · 07/10/2022 19:30

Yes all the time. He's alive and well and perfectly normal which is always really nice compared to how unwell he was the months leading to his death.

BryceQuinlan · 07/10/2022 19:32

I don't believe I've ever dreamt of my brother. I did have nightmares (no longer after PTSD treatment), and not sure if I would like to dream of him or not!

Sorry for your loss.

Thinkbiglittleone · 07/10/2022 19:56

I do and it breaks my heart again when I wake up and the realisation my DM isn't here hits me again.

It's normally when I'm stressed or when I feel I need her, which seems to make it even harder.

Thinkbiglittleone · 07/10/2022 19:56

Oh sorry,no not sure there is anything you can do.

zen1 · 07/10/2022 20:12

My dad died a couple of years ago and when he crops up in my dreams, he is ill (as he was for several months before he died) and I am confused because in the dream I know he’s dead, but he’s there unwell in the room. For a moment I think, “phew, I can still talk to you, we have some more time together,” then I wake up a bit disorientated.
The weird thing was, a few months before he died, I had a lovely dream about him looking young and strong and I was standing hugging him in the garden as a child, and he had his arm round me and I felt protected. That dream is really clear and I find it reassuring.

weegiemum · 07/10/2022 20:16

I dream about my Gran sometimes. Maybe every 6 months. She died about 15 years ago. In the dreams she is sitting in her chair in her living room and we're having a cuppa and cake. We have a lovely chat.

I always wake up from those dreams feeling happy, thinking "it was so nice to see her".

I'm probably nuts, but I think that dreams can be a place where the divide between time and eternity is thin, and so these encounters can take place.

HariboReckoning · 07/10/2022 20:36

I lost my mum over 20 years ago. I had an incredibly vivid dream about 3 months after her death in which she said she’d come to say goodbye and we hugged. She’s been an occasional presence in other dreams over the years, but not actively in them, if that makes sense … I’ve just had an awareness of her in the background. It’s always comforting.
I lost a very dear stepmum in 2019, and while she’s not been in any of my dreams, the dog we had has popped up in them a couple of times since she died. I find them comforting too, it’d be just like her to send him to check in with me - she would know I’d get that.

etulosba · 07/10/2022 20:40

My dad appears in my dreams now and then, as do my passed pets.

Same here. It’s horrible to wake up and realise that it was just a dream.

MumofSpud · 08/10/2022 04:02

I woke up yesterday morning to my DH calling my name - he died on Wednesday
It was so real - like he was calling me when he cane in from work
I think it was nice then whooosh the realisation that he wouldn't do this again irl hit me

Stickstickstickstickstick · 30/10/2022 19:56

I’ve been waiting since September 2021 to dream of my mum and finally last night it happened. I felt so comforted in the dream to see her exactly as she was, but I’ve felt so down today that it’s the only way I’ll ever see her again 🥺

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/10/2022 20:15

I lost dh on the 10/10, no dreams but the next night I woke up as someone was holding my leg above the knee. When I moved it went.

I did sit with him after he passed and said he could come back anytime to visit.

Its a painful burden we’re all carrying and I’m sorry we’re all going through it.

CymruChris · 30/10/2022 20:54

I dream often of both my brother in law and my grandpa. Its always happy dreams, I love seeing my grandpa again. And my bil, not only do I love to see him but in my dreams my husband is so happy and carefree, when his brother died a little bit of spark went I think. I'm always gutted when I wake up too soon, then as a pp said its crushing to feel that grief and loss again.

Namechanger1002 · 30/10/2022 21:01

My mum died 30 years ago when I was a teenager. I love dreaming about her. The dreams vary - sometimes it is in the here and now and she knocks on my and tells me she isn't really dead but has been living elsewhere all these years. Other times I dream about her in the family home and the decor is the same as it was back then. Although I wake up and it breaks my heart I would hate it if the dreams stopped if that makes sense.
After reading this thread I hope I dream about her tonight. It's worth the upset in the morning to 'see' her again.

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