Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Does anyone else dream about their deceased?

68 replies

ColeensBoot · 04/10/2022 13:42

I do. It is so distressing in the dream and the day or so after.

I'm dreaming I'm able to see him and talk to him. And hug him. And yet somehow can't quite communicate. Obviously as it's a dream. But I don't realise this at the time. Waking up exhausted. And so so sad.

What can I do? Or just nothing?

Anyone been through this?
Thanks

OP posts:

Iamblossom · 04/10/2022 13:46

I dream about my mum all the time, and she died in 2014.

In my dream she is the Mum I grew up with not the person she looked like in her last years. Thankfully.

Thearex · 04/10/2022 13:51

Yes, My Dsis, always as an adult, never as we were as children.

It is incredibly vivid & very very real, I always wake up forgetting she has gone, then a wave of sadness as I know it isn't real.

Strokethefurrywall · 04/10/2022 13:54

Yes I dream of my brother. It's always a whisper of him, I can't see his face, but I see his hands and hear his laugh and feel his presence.

Then I wake up and the overwhelming sadness at having a fleeting "glimpse" of him again is crushing.

Thearex · 04/10/2022 13:55

posted to soon-

I try to reframe it, to feel grateful that I am not forgetting her and that my dreams give me a chance to see her in 3D and speak to her.

I have this fear that I will lose my minds eye image of what she looked and sounded like. Irrational as I have loads of videos and photos of her.

stuffnthings · 04/10/2022 14:04

Yes, I do, goes in cycles I've found. I'll have a run of dreams, all of which are generally about everyday stuff.

Often they'll end where I'm not able to reach or not able to communicate with them, as if I can see them, but there's no way of actually conversing, which I suppose it just like the real world situation.

Sometimes the content is related to the day to day reality, I like to think I'm discussing with my DW about the DC for example, what would she think about this or that.

I always wake with some sadness though and a feeling of longing for my DW.

AugustRose · 04/10/2022 14:09

I dream about baby boys every now and then - maybe 3/4 times a year. I can't really see their face so I think it's meant to be our baby boy who died because he's always wearing a little blue jumper like in our few photos, only he's usually a bit bigger. I also dream about my dad who died 4 years ago, it is sad when I wake up but also comforting in a way.

MistressofMuppets · 04/10/2022 14:17

I dreamt of my dad yesterday. He died 2020. We were having a full on conversation. Got woken up by a phone call and I don't know if it was the abrupt awakening, or the fact that it was so vivid, but I started crying hysterically.
Got a huge wave of missing him, and felt like our conversation had been cut short.
Felt very emotional and weepy all day.

medianewbie · 04/10/2022 14:19

Both My Mother & my Partner died earlier this year. Both complicated relationships & neither had a Funeral so I didn't get any mourning rites. I have not dreamed of my mother at all. My Partner - yes quite a bit. He is 'better' in the dream. He can't speak much or hold me, but he's 'there for me'. I think its wish fulfilment as its usually when I'm going through stress. But I like to think he really IS 'visiting' me. It's devastating when I wake tho.

Original poster

ColeensBoot · 04/10/2022 15:34

Gosh I'm not alone then.
Thanks for all the replies. I'm so sad

OP posts:

Comfyslippers74 · 04/10/2022 15:43

Yes. One of the worst parts of grief in my view, as it keeps popping up long after you've moved on (for want of a better phrase). Those first few moments after waking are like a cruel trick.

💐 to you, OP, and others on here who have experienced similar.

Arbesque · 07/10/2022 13:37

I often dream of my parents but I know in my dreams that they're not going to be here for much longer.

AJamEater · 07/10/2022 13:41

I frequently dream I'm still emptying my DPs house - God, what a living nightmare that actually was. Sometimes my DM and DF are there and it's never sad, just comforting to see them as they were in their contented 60s.

AJamEater · 07/10/2022 13:43

Sorry, that wasn't meant to diminish your sadness - it came out badly. My DGM always told me her parents visited her in her dreams to check she was OK so I think I've probably internalised that.

for your losses.

Aria999 · 07/10/2022 13:51

I dreamed about mum for ages after she died. It was very confusing because in the dreams she was not I'll, but I kind of knew she hadn't got better.

They faded away eventually.

I think it's just your brain processing your loss in its own way.

ScoobyDoNot · 07/10/2022 13:56

I lost my dad earlier this year.
I keep having a recurring dream/nightmare of him asking me to help him and I can't which is so distressing. This stems back to when he was v poorly, he was in a lot of pain and kept crying out for help.

I also keep randomly waking at a specific time in the night too, it's recently just occurred to me that was the exact time he passed away. (and I was with him when he died)

Its starting to have huge impact on my m/h

APurpleSquirrel · 07/10/2022 13:57

Iamblossom · 04/10/2022 13:46

I dream about my mum all the time, and she died in 2014.

In my dream she is the Mum I grew up with not the person she looked like in her last years. Thankfully.

Same - my mum passed away in 2012 & I still often dream about her, usually several times a month. Initially it was very hard, but now it's reassuring to be able to remember her as she was.

sagalooshoe · 07/10/2022 14:01

Yes. Conversations we needed to have but never had. In some dreams I'm cross with him, in other climbing mountains. It's painful but it must be an important part of grieving.
Take care of yourself

Mochudubh · 07/10/2022 14:28

My Mum also died in 2014. I have recurring dreams where she turns out to be still alive and I have to go round explaining to everyone that I made a mistake and she isn't dead after all, apologise to my boss for taking the time off etc.

When I wake up it always takes me a few minutes to convince myself the dream isn't real and we've got her death certificate, had a funeral and scattered her ashes.

Funny thing is, in my dream she's always the age she would be now, not when she died or younger.

lollipoprainbow · 07/10/2022 14:33

I dream of my sister a lot and I know she's ill in the dream and shouldn't be there. I remember my mum saying she used to dream of my dad and knowing he shouldn't be in the dream as he'died. I lost my lovely mum on Saturday so hope to have some nice dreams of her soon.

Verytirednow · 07/10/2022 14:33

Yes I dream about my mum regularly. I cannot recall what the actual dreams are but I wake up thinking about the lovely lady 💕

iRun2eatCake · 07/10/2022 14:36

I dream of my dad. He died in 2013.

I actually really like dreaming about him. It keeps him "real" and still present in my life.

squashyhat · 07/10/2022 14:42

Yes - more so my Mum but my Dad as well. And we are usually in the home we lived in from when I was 11 until uni - the one my sister and I had to clear and sell when my Dad died. They are not distressing - just doing family stuff usually.

LT2 · 07/10/2022 14:56

My dad appears in my dreams now and then, as do my passed pets.

SnarkyBag · 07/10/2022 15:02

I dreamt about my friend last night it was odd because in my dream I’d gone to visit her family to check they were ok after her dying but she was actually there not as a ghost but living but in my dream she was in a terrible mood with me and would barely speak to me it. It was horrible. They’re definitely dreams that make you wake up feeling exhausted.

glasshouse · 07/10/2022 15:41

I did my masters thesis on dreams of the deceased. It is extremely common to dream of your loved one. Especially in the first six months or so. The dreams tended to tail off both in frequency and intensity after 18 months or so. Having said that I still sometimes dream about my mum who died over 18 years ago. In some ways it's a continuation of the relationship and I find it comforting now. I hope you come to that peace.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread