Termination at 22 weeks

[ChickenTonight]

My husband and I have just had the worst week of our lives. Major abnormalities were detected with our baby at our 20 week scan, some of which were confirmed by an amnio shortly afterwards. After several heartbreaking days of soul searching and trying to decide what is best for our family (this is our 3rd child), we took the decision to terminate the pregnancy. I gave birth to a little girl on Sunday. I feel numb, raw, but also experienced feelings of great love and happiness when holding the baby after the birth. I went back to hospital yesterday to say goodbye to her again, and am now finding it very hard to accept that she has gone. I am not regretting our decision to terminate, but can't help feeling so desperately sad about what might have been - and how unlucky we are/she was to have had this happen. I know time will be be a great healer, but does anyone have any experience or tips to get us through these first very painful days and weeks?

If it can be of any comfort whatsoever, I have been in that very dark and lonely place where you currently are. Although almost two years have passed, I remember vividly the guilt, anger, confusion and seclusion of that time. It took me three months to even face the world - I didn't want to be judged, asked questions, explain.....it was easier to stay indoors. I wanted to tell you that I think about my beautiful daughter all the time - we talk about her and my eldest dd talks about what she will be doing in heaven. I have gone on to have another daughter - not to replace the one we lost, but to make our lives complete. I fretted through my pregnancy, and refused to believe all would be ok until she finally arrived and I could hold her in my arms. I think there are few worse situations than the one you are currently in, and I can't tell you that you will forget, hurt less, or ever really come to terms with what has happened. I now feel blessed to have met and loved my second daughter, and she will always be as important to me as her sisters are. I hope you and your family are coping; as others have said, ARC is a wonderful comfort - even if you just read through the newsletters. x

I myself will have to go through the same thing tomorrow. I am 22 weeks and they found major abnomalities with my baby boy. I am scared, nervous, anxious, and I dont know what to expect. I have a 2 1/2 year old little girl and she is keeping me moving but that is hard to do most days even with her by my side smiling and playing. I dont know if I want to see my baby or not, I am on the fence about it. I cant imagine holding him and then having to let him go. I feel your pain, I have been grieving and crying for a week and it may seem selfish but I just want it over with now. I know I will never forget but at least I can start healing. If you ever need to talk message me and maybe we can exchange emails. XOXOX

Goca I am so sorry

Goca I am sorry

Goca how are you? Did you hold him? I went through the same thing nearly four years ago now with my first little boy and so I have some idea of how you must be feeling...