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DH passed away last night
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Lalaland50 · 13/05/2022 07:22

After a traumatic 3 month stay in hospital including 3 stays in ICU, after a failed stem cell transplant in January, my DH passed away last night. The last week he suffered a lot and I am in a lot of pain. Please could someone direct me somewhere to find some help - I have a therapist I will be speaking to, but there may be somewhere I can try online on a more continuous basis. I don't know how I can carry on from here. Thanks.

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ChiswickFlo · 13/05/2022 07:25

I'm so very sorry xxxx

Try Cruse?
In the short term you could phone the samaritans? Number is I16 123

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Lalaland50 · 13/05/2022 07:26

Thank you.

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Snorkellingaround · 13/05/2022 07:29

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your DH. Cruse might be a good place to start looking for support for bereavement: www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/

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ChiswickFlo · 13/05/2022 07:30

Can you reach out to friends?

Their are really supportive groups on here for the bereaved.

I think I remember some of your posts. What an awful, awful time you've had :(

Don't be surprised if the grief manifests as physical symptoms. Can you contact your gp and let them know what's happened?

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ChiswickFlo · 13/05/2022 07:31

I read "you'll get over it: the rage of bereavement" by Virginia ironside and found it really helpful.

Also a grief observed by CS Lewis (which is specifically about losing a spouse)

Sending lots of love xxx

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Lalaland50 · 13/05/2022 07:32

Thank you again.

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bloodywhitecat · 13/05/2022 07:33

I am so you find yourself on this board, it's a place no one wants to be. Sue Ryder have an online community for people in our situation that might be helpful. I am a few weeks further down the line as DH died in February, I remember reading your posts when my husband was sick and willing your DH to get better. I am so sorry for your loss Flowers

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Rupertpenrysmistress · 13/05/2022 07:36

I am so so sorry to hear your awful news. I followed your thread and had thought about your DH so often. Hope you have people around to help. Lots of hugs.

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treebit · 13/05/2022 07:37

I'm very sorry

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maudesvagina · 13/05/2022 07:37

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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endofthelinefinally · 13/05/2022 07:43

I am so sorry for your loss.
The bereavement board on here has been absolutely the best support for me after I lost my son.
I had 6 weeks of telephone counselling via CRUSE, which was good as far as it went.
I got to know a couple of other mums in the same situation local to me and we keep in touch and meet up regularly.
I would suggest contacting your local hospice and asking if they have a suppprt group or can give you some contact numbers.
It is so hard, but you are not alone.
Post on the bereavement board. There are lots of MNers there who have been where you are.

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Xdecd · 13/05/2022 07:49

@Lalaland50 I'm so sorry. I was following your thread and it sounded so hard. How old are you, are you young enough to join Widowed and Young? (You have to be 50 or under iirc). Many people with similar stories and young children there.

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Lalaland50 · 13/05/2022 07:50

Yes I am, I’ll try them.

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LoveSpringDaffs · 13/05/2022 07:55

(((HUGE HUGS)))

I'm so very sorry you're going through this, along with other places signposted to, MN is good too. Sadly there are many others who have been through similar.

if you report your post and ask MN to remove it to the bereavement topic, you'll get more advice & support.


Do you have any support IRL? Do you have children?

Tell us about him IF you want to x

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CharmingScene · 13/05/2022 08:28

So sorry to hear this Flowers

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StampOnTheGround · 13/05/2022 08:35

I'm so sorry, I'd followed your original post and had been thinking about you and your DH x

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Iggi999 · 13/05/2022 08:35

I can't add anything helpful but couldn't not say I am so, so sorry for your loss.

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Lalaland50 · 13/05/2022 08:43

Thank you. I don’t know how to move the post to the Bereavement board. Yes I have 2 kids, 13 and 9.
thank you.

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maudesvagina · 13/05/2022 08:49

I've reported your last post so MN should move for you

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MiddleAgedLurker · 13/05/2022 08:51

Hello OP, I'm so sorry you find yourself here. I am five years down the line. For me it was a question of putting one foot in front of the other. In practice that meant living from minute to minute, then hour to hour and so on. So making something to eat, eating it, washing up, going upstairs, getting into bed. Doing the school run, talking to my friends. At first my head was absolutely full of 'my husband is dead' and there was no space for anything else. But after a while I could have other thoughts, even briefly, and it gave my brain a rest. It really helped and gradually these periods became longer and longer. I am happy again now OP. It seems impossible but you can and will recover. You will find what helps you - for me it was walking, gardens, talking, forums like this, having to be there for my children. Ask your friends and family to support you, talk talk talk if that helps, don't be afraid to get help from the GP with sleeping if needed. Sending you a virtual hug.

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Mischance · 13/05/2022 08:55

I am very sorry to hear that your DH has finally slipped away. Even when you know that this is inevitable, it is truly a painful shock.

I lost my OH 2 years ago so do understand this period of numbness and pure sorrow in the wake of bereavement. I found CRUSE very helpful indeed. Because it was during covid and they were not meeting face to face, a volunteer rang me every week for six weeks, and I had the option to continue, and also to come back any time. It may be that they are now back to meeting face to face. I cannot tell you how helpful they were.

There are several organisations that support children who have been bereaved. This is one of them: www.childbereavementuk.org/supporting-bereaved-children-and-young-people, which may be helpful, as you will be dealing with their grief on top of your own. There are some local organisations as well.

Sending hugs x

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NeededAction · 13/05/2022 08:57

Sending kind wishes your way, I’m so sorry. Please accept help from friends and family (cooking / emotional / help with littles / help sorting out the horrible paperwork),
I wish I could pop the kettle on for you.

{the following is my exp. feel free to ignore and please understand i’m not trying to compare situations or belittle yours:
at the hospice, the first thing the nurses did/said afterwards was “we’ll have a cup of tea” and i remember sitting and shaking and sipping burning hot liquid. In a way, this was a very neutral (and british!) distraction / thing to do and it stuck with me to adulthood that when shit REALLY hits the fan, and you don’t know what to do next, have a cup of tea. Buckets of the herbal stuff and fluffy blankets, rubbish telly and physically doing nothing (ie resting) got us through}

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KimMumsnet · 13/05/2022 10:44

Hello, OP. We are so sorry to hear of your loss. Best wishes from all of us at MNHQ.
We've moved your thread to the Bereavement topic now - hopefully you'll find some good support here. Take care.
Flowers

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JackieQueen · 13/05/2022 10:59

So sorry for your loss 💐

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JenniferBarkley · 13/05/2022 11:03

I'm so sorry for your loss, I had been following your thread. Flowers Much love to you and your DC.

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