DH passed away last night

[Lalaland50]

After a traumatic 3 month stay in hospital including 3 stays in ICU, after a failed stem cell transplant in January, my DH passed away last night. The last week he suffered a lot and I am in a lot of pain. Please could someone direct me somewhere to find some help - I have a therapist I will be speaking to, but there may be somewhere I can try online on a more continuous basis. I don't know how I can carry on from here. Thanks.

When I was 18 my boyfriend was involved in a motorcycle accident and passed away from a major head injury while I was holding hand in hospital. I totally get the horror you have experienced. It is a nightmare that you can't wake up from.

I wish I had done therapy at the time and a lot of it. It's been almost 30 years ago now and it still impacts me. I read an article a few years later about women who had experienced the death of a partner and it was striking that the more counselling that was involved enabled women to process the events that have happened.

Take care x

I’m so very sad to read your messages. Sending you so much love.

It is so very upsetting seeing someone you love in distress. I found counselling very helpful. My therapist used EMDR techniques during my first appointment that stopped the daily nightmares I was having. You will be ok. I promise. X

I feel terrible that I can’t offer you anything other than that which has already been suggested.
my heartfelt sympathy in your loss.
Sending you a big hug. Xx

Thank you so much.

The funeral/ cremation is now set for June 7. It will be a big one - he was so young and lots of people loved him. I'm dreading seeing the coffin and how it will affect my kids. My Gp has prescribed me some diazepam for the day - I've taken it before and it was good for my anxiety at the time, will it be the right thing to take? I also take propranolol as I have a constant racing heart.

Sending so many hugs. I’ve not been where you are, but a dear friend passed away young about a year ago. We organised a WhatsApp group (without the widow on it) to support with practical things, like helping with school runs or dropping off food. Is there a friend you could ask to do that for you? People will want to help xx

Hugs handhold 💐💐💐💐💐💐💔for you.

I dreaded the same, for me and my (late teens) kids. But actually it was okay. The thought of it (and the whole funeral) was many times worse than the reality. And the waves of love coming from all those attending were felt almost physically.

I'm so sorry those few days were so traumatic. But with time those images will be overtaken by happier memories.

And yes, you will be happy again. I look at my DDs now, and they've moved forward, and have happy independent lives with their partners and all three of us find joy in life without ever forgetting my husband/their dad.

My very best wishes.

Thank you. It’s so terrifying. But I understand what you’re saying about the people. This is one of the ways humans can stand such events I guess. And thank you for the hope for future happiness. At the moment I want nothing more then my DH to be a part of that and I can’t accept that he won’t in the way he was supposed to be. He deserved the happiness so much.

Yes @crummyusername there is a rota for food, so helpful.

There will be tears among the future happiness of course. They came today, in fact, the day after my wonderful mother in law's funeral, when I thought about how these two people who would have loved her so much, never got to meet their granddaughter/great granddaughter (MIL had advanced dementia by the time she was born). But it was just a few minutes. And it doesn't impact my life and well-being in the way that grief did in the early times.
And I think it's healthy and good and marks the fact that he's never forgotten (just as my MIL won't be).

I am so gutted for you. I lost my wife nearly 10 years ago. She was 39. I lost a year to red wine and sobbing. I was very close to loosing it at time. I did a bereavement course but I was still too raw. That first year is so tough and overwhelming.

The only thing that helped me, was talking about her as much as I could. I had a few people that allowed me to do this.

This charity is also amazing
www.careforthefamily.org.uk/support-for-you/family-life/bereavement-support/widowed-young-support/

I am so sorry you are going through this. x

So sorry too. Yes diazepam will help you get through the day. It’ll take the edge off, but you’ll still be able to function.