DH passed away last night

[Lalaland50]

After a traumatic 3 month stay in hospital including 3 stays in ICU, after a failed stem cell transplant in January, my DH passed away last night. The last week he suffered a lot and I am in a lot of pain. Please could someone direct me somewhere to find some help - I have a therapist I will be speaking to, but there may be somewhere I can try online on a more continuous basis. I don't know how I can carry on from here. Thanks.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You need time to grieve. I hope the information provided by other posters gives you some support.

I joined Young Widowed Facing the Future Together on Facebook after my husband was killed. It has mostly British members and very supportive. I am so sorry.

Thank you all. I think the experience that he had while in ICU which I witnessed, and was incredibly traumatic, is also making this worse. I can't get his face out my head from when he was panicking, like really panicking because he couldn't breathe but couldn't keep his o2 mask on because he felt he was being suffocated with it on. He was like a wild animal - I've never seen someone so terrified. This happened on and off all day, even when he given sedation. Also seeing him when he was finally intubated and on dialysis with multi-organ failure, was horrendous. i'm terrified he could hear and feel everything. At one point, he opened his eyes really wide, and really looked absolutely terrified at me and the nurse. I do have a therapist I'm speaking to tomorrow morning, but I wanted to voice this on here as I'm really struggling tonight. After he died, we weren't even offered a cup of tea and the consultant on the ward didn't come to see me. It as so cold and it all must makes me feel sick. Thanks for reading and I'm sorry if it upsets anyone.

I’m so very sorry for you that it was so traumatic and frightening, and that the staff were thoughtless and uncaring. That must have made it all even more unbearable for you, my heart goes out to you tonight.

I hope you can get some rest tonight, everything seems worse in the long dark hours.

On a practical note, do try to drink plenty of fluids, and try to eat, if only snacks, that will all help you to function through a very difficult time.
Kindest thoughts to you lala.

So sorry OP* *

Hope speaking to the therapist tomorrow will be some help. I have been through simiar with a relative in ICU and its tramatising. I'm so sorry.

Thank you. Is this something i can get over?

griefchat.co.uk/
Is an online confidential chat line run by professional counsellors, I found it helpful when my wife died.

Get through it is what I would say, you will get through this but it will be painful and I still get triggers years later but it is less painful now for sure.

Do you have anyone with you now? I know you won't feel like eating or drinking but its really important you do, even if its tea and toast.

I do have my parents and sisters sleeping over tonight. Thank goodness.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Glad to hear you have parents with you tonight. Please post your thoughts and rages, I'm here to listen. X

I'm glad your family are there to support to, they will want to so please do ask for help and for the things you will need to keep you going during this difficult time, I've found that is energy from food and hydration from liquids and rest. Sleep when you can, you are in shock and your body needs the rest.

What time is your appointment in the morning?

So sorry you and your DC are having to go through this. My d sisters husband died at aged 41 totally unexpectedly. I know my Dad moved in with my d sister and helped her a lot with organisation of funeral, Have you got anyone who can move in with you to help you care for children and get you through next month with funeral arrangements? I really hope you do. My sister told me my Dad made life possible whilst she was not functioning. Please eat something. I know you won't want to but you do not want to get I'll on top of everything else. Look after yourself. Take vitamin supplements. Don't be afraid to ask others for help, let others cook your children meals, do their laundry so you can grieve in peace. X

Sorry, no advice but I couldn't read and run.
So, so sorry for your loss. I hope you get the help you deserve to process your feelings and move forward with life. Sending bug hugs and .

Ah, big hugs not bug! Fat fingers. Grr.

Hope you managed to get a bit of rest last night. Reading your posts I DOUBLY wish I could make you a cup of tea!! What you witnessed sounds so distressing; I’m grateful you have your family with you, and that you are talking to a therapist today (though they don’t have a magic wand :/ but hopefully do have some practical advice for you)

(night times always seem worse as well, not sure why. You’re an incredibly strong person, keep on popping one foot in front of the other and please accept the virtual ((hug))

Morning Lala, hope you managed some sleep last night.

I'm so sorry

How are you Lala? I've been thinking of you. Sending you strength

Thanks, It feels so unreal. I feel stuck in each moment and keep on thinking it's all a big mistake.

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. I don't really have anything helpful to add that other's haven't said. I'm not sure what illness your husband had but is there a charity specifically aligned to it? My father has mesothelioma and HASAG have been brilliant in offering support to us.
Meanwhile, if it helps you, keep talking on here; there is always someone to hear you.
God bless.

Sending a hand hold.

You ask if this is something you can get over - I think the honest answer is that you never truly get over the loss of a loved one, but you do gradually find ways of shaping your life around this new reality that you did not want. It takes time.x

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dh.
in answer to this question, it’s not something you will get over but you will learn to live with it and it will become easier.
im also 5 years down the line.
the bereavement board here, counselling, some great friends and my wonderful dc’s resilience through this made life a bit more bearable.
its only early days for you so take it easy

I am so sorry. I don't know if you're still looking for ongoing support online but 7cups has a therapy service. You can pay $150 to write to someone any time of the day and they message back once a day, Mon to Fri, to help you process things. If you're on low income you can reduce it to $50 a month for a weekly response. They also have trained free listeners on there (text chat) but it can take a while to find one you're comfortable with. The paid for therapist version though has the option to look through and choose your own therapist, after you've already been allocated one.