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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Mums who understand, please share. I lost my child and I lost part of me....I can never forget him and never will.

62 replies

Vio · 07/11/2007 17:18

My boy left me on 11 Sept, he lived only a little more than 4 months..its been nearly 2 months now...after what I have gone through.. I think I am quite fighter myself too, I do try and live happy but sometimes, deep deep down theres a wound...i doubt if it will ever heal. I don't feel it most of the time becos I don't want to stay miserable but when i do feel it , it hurts so much and I can cry non stop for a while...whenever I think of the final night we spent together, it made me sad and how much he had to put up with as a baby...I just wish he was given a chance to live, healthy and happily...

OP posts:
NAB3littlemonkeys · 07/11/2007 17:21

Oh God, that is so moving. I am so very sorry for your heartbreaking loss. Would it help a tiny bit to tell us about your lovely son?

I have had 2 m/c but can't possibly understand what it is like to lose a child you have loved and held.

I am so sorry.

ggglimpopo · 07/11/2007 17:22

Vio - I lost my daughter in January. Please feel able to contact me. gggglimpopo at hotmail dot com

wayneta · 07/11/2007 17:24

I'm so sorry but have no experience of this but hope you find the support you need.

Original poster
Vio · 07/11/2007 17:30

it will take ages to tell james story..i have created a memorial site..you can have a wee look. Hes a very handsome boy.

He's got EB, Epidermolysis Bullosa, a genetic condition. we had no prior warning that he will be affected. If you have watched ' A boy whose skin fell off' then you might know what EB really is...James got the most several type which means its fatal in infancy.

EB means we could never had real skin contact with our own child...I could finally hold him tight after he passed away and I did hold him for a long time before passing him to the nurse. He's a lovely boy and a brave soul.

james-terrence-lynch.gonetoosoon.co.uk/my_index.php

OP posts:
hazygirl · 07/11/2007 17:31

hi vio i lost my grandson in december 2006 and i really feel for you ,it hurts so much we had our little chap for 75 days ,at first i wished we hadnt cos life is so hard ,its changed ,i watched my dd go to hell and back and for the first time ever as a mum couldnt put it right,couldnt stop the hurt and pain,couldnt bring him back but god my dh tried so bloody hard till i die i will never forget my dd pleading with her dad please dad you can do it ,you can do anything ,and my hubby trying so hard. i come here cos rl is hard ,i know the hurt you feel and wish to god i could help you i keep telling my dd to come on here but she wont but lives on gonetoosoon web site. cry as much as you want love it helps cos nothing is as bad as trying to hold it in, take care and i hope our little angels are playing up there together,looking down on their wonderful mummies xxx

NAB3littlemonkeys · 07/11/2007 17:33
Sad
AnAngelWithin · 07/11/2007 17:34

oh vio, i have just read your touching letter and i am sat here sobbing for you. i don't know what to say apart from that i am thinking of you and your family.

Buda · 07/11/2007 17:37

Cannot imagine what any of you are feeling but am in tears here for all of your losses.

Life is so damned damned unfair.

corblimeycharlie · 07/11/2007 17:44

Oh Vio - I think of you and GGG often and wonder how both of you put one foot in front of the other most days.
I haven't got any advice or experience of this but wanted to say that you and your lovely son (as well as GGG and her beautiful girl) are in my thoughts and prayers.

zeebee · 07/11/2007 18:25

Vio, I am so sorry and really feel your pain. I lost my daughter suddenly earlier this year. It's a strange world of such pain and also trying to be happy and 'normal' as you describe. Cry and be as miserable as you like when you want to be, it is still very soon to be even trying to get over the shock. Have to go now, please fell free to CAT me. Take care and be kind to yourself - as I've been repeatedly told there is no right or wrong way to behave just now.

Jojay · 07/11/2007 18:31

Oh Vio - so so so sorry for your terrible loss

dosydot · 07/11/2007 18:38

So sorry for your loss, I don't think there are any words to help, grief takes time and many different forms.
Keep talking to us all we are here to support you in any way we can.
You and yur family are in my thoughts

dosydot · 07/11/2007 18:39

So sorry for your loss, I don't think there are any words to help, grief takes time and many different forms.
Keep talking to us all we are here to support you in any way we can.
You and yur family are in my thoughts

dosydot · 07/11/2007 18:39

So sorry for your loss, I don't think there are any words to help, grief takes time and many different forms.
Keep talking to us all we are here to support you in any way we can.
You and yur family are in my thoughts

dosydot · 07/11/2007 18:39

So sorry for your loss, I don't think there are any words to help, grief takes time and many different forms.
Keep talking to us all we are here to support you in any way we can.
You and yur family are in my thoughts

dosydot · 07/11/2007 18:39

So sorry for your loss, I don't think there are any words to help, grief takes time and many different forms.
Keep talking to us all we are here to support you in any way we can.
You and yur family are in my thoughts

dosydot · 07/11/2007 18:39

So sorry for your loss, I don't think there are any words to help, grief takes time and many different forms.
Keep talking to us all we are here to support you in any way we can.
You and yur family are in my thoughts

dosydot · 07/11/2007 18:39

So sorry for your loss, I don't think there are any words to help, grief takes time and many different forms.
Keep talking to us all we are here to support you in any way we can.
You and yur family are in my thoughts

dosydot · 07/11/2007 18:39

So sorry for your loss, I don't think there are any words to help, grief takes time and many different forms.
Keep talking to us all we are here to support you in any way we can.
You and yur family are in my thoughts

dosydot · 07/11/2007 18:40

Sorry for multiple postings, I leant on the post key

ScottishMummy · 07/11/2007 18:51

so so sorry about your dreadful unexpected loss. keep talking, dont put a brave face on it, it takes time as much as it needs

try look at your photos and the time you both had

castille · 07/11/2007 18:51

What a sad, sad story and what a gorgeous little boy he was.

I wish you strength in your sadness. I hope you find all the support you need.

Jacanne · 07/11/2007 18:58

Vio I am so very sorry. I think you're right - it is a wound that will never heal but hopefully over time will become a little more bearable. I have no similar story to share, just an early m/c that pales in comparison to what you have been through. I think I remember you posting at the time it happened and I saw your site for your lovely James then - I think you were/are incredibly brave but you should let yourself grieve as much as you need to. Have you been in contact with any bereavement support groups? Lots and lots of hugs for you and your lost boy - he was very lucky to have a mother who loved him so much.

ekra · 07/11/2007 19:09

I'm not a mum who understands because I have not had to live with the unimaginable pain of losing a child but I wanted to say how very sorry I am that you lost your little boy.

I looked at your memorial site and he was a truly beautiful baby.

Scootergrrrl · 07/11/2007 19:11

He's such a beautiful boy and he was lucky to have the loving family he did, even for such a short time. Be kind to yourself and talk as much as you need to.