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Original poster

My brother just took his own life

61 replies

CandyLeBonBon · 09/12/2020 12:51

Sorry. A bit in shock.
Just found out my brother committed suicide yesterday.

We werent close and haven't spoken in about 4 years but I'm in bits. I feel so guilty for casting him adrift.

He wasn't very nice to me but he was still my brother.

Just guess I wanted somewhere to write it down.

OP posts:
elldog6 · 09/12/2020 12:53

I'm sorry to hear that. Just know that you are in absolutely no way to feel guilty. Do you have other family?

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 09/12/2020 13:00

Only my mum. Trying to keep everything together because she's in pieces.

OP posts:
slidingdrawers · 09/12/2020 13:00

I'm so sorry for your loss Candy Thanks. You had valid reasons for being estranged from him. I hope you have RL support and perhaps someone who knew you both that you can talk to.

TheQueef · 09/12/2020 13:01

Oh no!
That's so shit Flowers
Sorry for your loss.

AlexaShutUp · 09/12/2020 13:02

So sorry, OP. Thinking of you and your mum at what must be a very difficult time.Flowers

willowtree81 · 09/12/2020 13:08

I'm so sorry for your loss 😭. As I understand it, people often commit suicide because that feels like the only option for them. There is often nothing anyone on earth can do. Please try to look after yourself Thanks❤️

houseinthesnow · 09/12/2020 13:16

I am so sorry op, do you have some RL support around you?
You can talk to bereavement helplines that can support you.

He is now at peace op. Whatever trouble he had, they are no longer. Look after yourself. Flowers

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 09/12/2020 13:20

My dp is here right now. Just feels a bit surreal. My eldest ds (18) has been going through depression and made a suicide attempt about 2.5 years ago and this would be my worst nightmare as a mum. My poor DM.

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 09/12/2020 13:26

So sorry to hear this Candy, my condolences to you and your family.
May he rest in peace.
Thoughts with you.

wiltshirelass1418 · 09/12/2020 13:29

Sending condolences.

My brother committed suicide in October. I know what you're feeling

Lougle · 09/12/2020 13:33

I'm so sorry Candy.

Barmyfarmy · 09/12/2020 13:48

So sorry OP. You'll feel better soon than you do now Flowers

Iamagree · 09/12/2020 13:50

so sorry to hear - sending condolences Flowers

OulDoll · 09/12/2020 13:55

So very sorry for your lossThanks

It's a terrible shock for you, but just remember that it's very normal to feel guilty when someone dies - all those what if's.

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 09/12/2020 13:56

Thank you all. Yes. It's all the 'what ifs'.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 09/12/2020 13:58

I’m so sorry. I have two friends that had very difficult brothers, that they rarely saw, that committed suicide too. They both felt incredible guilt too, but it absolutely wasn’t their fault, and you mustn’t feel that it’s yours. Be nice to yourself and your mum. You’ve had a huge shock. X

SparklingLime · 09/12/2020 14:02

So very hard for you and your mum. Flowers
These websites might be helpful (in case you haven’t already seen them):

supportaftersuicide.org.uk/

www.tcf.org.uk/content/ftb-bereaved-by-suicide/

LakieLady · 09/12/2020 15:34

So sorry, @CandyLeBonBon. Flowers

Standrewsschool · 09/12/2020 16:04

Sorry to hear the news[flower]

unmarkedbythat · 09/12/2020 16:07
Flowers That's really hard to deal with, especially if you had unresolved issues.I'm so sorry for your family's loss.
LooneyLovefood · 09/12/2020 16:17

So sorry for you and your family. Thanks My DB took his own life 16 years ago so I know what you're going through and it's awful! Suicide is absolutely devastating for a family to experience and its so important to take time to process it all. You'll experience so many different emotions in the next few weeks/months/years and they are all completely valid. Thinking of you.

echt · 10/12/2020 08:16

So very sorry for your loss, CandyleBonBon, yes, it must be so complicated by the way he died coupled with your estrangement.

Please do not blame yourself.

Many Thanks

HeidiHoNeighbour · 10/12/2020 08:22

Condolences about your brother Flowers

As someone whose mother left due to suicide, I wanted to warn you about the anger that may happen.
No one warned me and I wasn’t prepared for it but it happens, just remember it’s part of the process.

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 10/12/2020 08:49

Thank you. I'm experience a bit of dissonance. He rejected me and stonewalled me fir years and was quite emotionally abusive, as well as quite physically Aby dive when we were younger. But I know he must've been in a dark place to take his life (I've got sympathy because I've been there myself, unsuccessfully of course, some years ago).

He was pretty fucking unkind to my mum too but she's started reinventing history so that she has a nicer memory of him (if that makes sense) and I'm really struggling with the dissonance that's creating in my head.

I'm sad that he's dead. I'm sad that now there will never be the chance to heal the rift even though I never new what I had done to make him despise me so much. I'm swinging between tears and sadness and anger that he's done this. I know it's awful. I feel awful fir thinking and feeling like that.

OP posts:
Oreservoir · 10/12/2020 09:00

So sorry OP. Flowers
Your feelings are normal and valid. Trying to process everything will take time. Your emotions will be so mixed up.
Take care of yourself.

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