My soulmate is gone

[poppy2021]

I lost my beloved husband to Covid today. We have been together 39 years. My girls and I are just broken

I'm a mess tonight. I miss my DH so much. I can go on with my life for a few days then the loneliness just crashes on me. People say it will get better but I don't want it to. I just want him back. I know it's irrational and it can't happen but I hear a car door shut outside and for a split second I think it's him coming home. Then the dreaded realisation hits that he's never going to come home again. It's just too hard

@poppy2021

I wish you all the strength to get through this bit. I lost my soulmate 18 months ago and have had a right old sob about it tonight.

It will get easier, even though you don't want it to. I found between month 2 and maybe 5/6 the hardest. The realisation sets in and it hurts beyond belief.

Do you have your daughter/daughters still with you?

So sorry for your loss @poppy2021

Oh poppy I am so sorry. Thinking of you.
And there’s always someone to listen on Mumsnet even in the middle of the night.
I hope eventually you will find comfort in a wealth of happy memories, however hard it seems to imagine that now.

@poppy2021 I'm so sorry for your loss. 39 years is a very long time, so the shock of your loss must be immense and it's only been a few weeks, so your grief must feel very raw right now. You have daughters and a grandchild, so you will be able to get through this, in time, with their love and support.

It's a dark and difficult time right now, and there are thousands of people struggling with the loss of family members and friends. Have you thought about joining some kind of support group for bereaved people? There are online forums where you can have contact with others who are in similar positions.

I'm sorry that my words are probably not much help, but you posted after midnight and I am posting my reply as you might be wide awake and feeling very alone, and I'm a nightowl.

@poppy2021

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my lovely mum to covid 3.5 weeks ago. The pain is excruciating.

My dad is besides himself and the way you talk is how I see him.

He can't believe it. He's lost. In shock. Says he expects her to walk in. He says she talks to him and says she's in heaven.

Then the next minute he says she can't be gone.

I miss her so very much, I feel unbelievably sad, but seeing my heartbroken dad is something else. He's not himself without her.

This evil disease has stolen our loved ones before their time and it's simply beyond belief.

Thank you all for your kind words. They mean so much. I find the nighttime's so much harder than daytime when I can try and o keep busy. At night I look across to his side of the bed and the grief and loss just hits me.

@Coolerthanapolarbearstoenails my youngest daughter is with me. She is a student but as all her courses are online she made the decision to stay at home for the rest of the academic year. My older daughter has had to go to her flat but we keep in touch daily via FaceTime etc. They are a such comfort to me but are grieving themselves.

@Sisterlove I know exactly how you and you Dad feel. It's so hard to take in but it's all over the news and the TV just now so you can't get from it at all. There are no words or advice I can give you as you can tell I am still struggling. All I can say is one breath at a time. My condolences to you both.

@poppy2021, so sorry to hear you're feeling so bad.

I hope you have plenty of people in RL that you can talk to. I'm aware I'm becoming a grief bore, but it does seem to help.

@poppy2021

How are you bearing up Poppy?

[quote Sisterlove]**@poppy2021

How are you bearing up Poppy?[/quote]
Ups and downs @Sisterlove Grief is such a rollercoaster and it's the most unexpected things that set me off. I bled the radiators the other night and thought he'll be so proud of me. But he isn't here to tell me so and if he was here I wouldn't have to do these jobs. Not that I ever minded but he saw DIY and maintaining things as his role. He was such a god kind man.

How are you and your Dad coping?

It's definitely a rollercoaster I agree.

I've also been up and down. I was dreading the funeral, but it went smoothly. Very emotional and so sad. It's the first funeral my DC have been to and they found it hard. Mum is such a
loving Grandmother and a big part of their lives.

My dad goes in waves too. I look at him and it's like he's questioning what the point of life is now. He can't be on left alone. Him and mum were always together. His sadness is hard to bear and affects my own grieving to an extent.

He's also struggling with it all happening so fast. The evil of covid is forever part of our lives and I find that really hard. I wish I could erase that part of her death from my memory bank. That she'd still be here if not for the pandemic is painful.

Definitely gone to soon.

I'm very sorry about your DH. This reminds me so much of my mum who lost my dad to cancer at a similar age. Especially doing something like bleeding the radiators!

I was coping a bit better. We got though my daughters 21st we also had fun. Then the next evening our beloved 13 year old Labrador collapsed. We took her to the vet yesterday who found a tumour in her spleen which had spread to her liver. Nothing they could do so we made the hardest decision in our lives to let her go I am devastated and can't stop sobbing. It's only been 4 months since my DH. Life is so sh!t just now.