My soulmate is gone

[poppy2021]

I lost my beloved husband to Covid today. We have been together 39 years. My girls and I are just broken

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Tragic and totally unfair. Thoughts are with you and your family

I've had a quiet couple of days with my girls before we need to make decisions. Just holed up in the living room watching films and ignoring the world

This disease is so so cruel

💔😢

I'm so very sorry. 💐

So sorry

Oh no. I am truly so sorry for your loss.

Wishing you and your girls strength at this very sad time.

So sorry, it really is awful.

Oh it really is awful, I'm so sorry for your loss. X

So sorry, @poppy2021. The physical, visceral sensation of grief is breathtaking imo.

I lost my DP a week ago, he was 60, so similar age to your DH. We had wonderful plans for our retirement, so I know that cheated feeling too.

The GP prescibed me some propanolol today, it has really helped. I was totally fucked by the waves of pure anguish that swept over me without warning. Something like propanolol might help you cope.

I’m so very sorry to read this. Do you have someone with you?

I am so very sorry to read about your husband.

Oh @poppy2021 and @LakieLady I'm so so sorry for your losses.

My dad died in August, just a month after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He and my mum were together for over 50 years. He was 68. I'm obviously utterly heartbroken, and still in shock, and traumatised. But I'm so so worried about my lovely mum.

I just wanted to say, from a daughter's perspective, that I understand your pain but of course I realise I can't fully empathise. My mum lost her soulmate. She says she is diminished. She says she has no future. My heart breaks for her too.

I hope you can draw strength and love from your families. I hope time lessens the shock and smooths the rollercoaster curves of grief. I hope you can take comfort from the fact that grief is love. I'll be thinking of you .

So very sorry for your loss, poppy2021, and you too, LakieLady.

My DH died suddenly at 61 four years ago so I feel for both of you the very particular shock and grief that attend an unexpected death at an age that is no age at all.

Like both of you, I feel cheated of the lovely life we had planned.

Many

Thinking of you, OP and all the others who have had to say goodbye to precious people.

I flip from denial to anger to sheer devastation. I am so angry at the people who refuse to wear a mask and have taken my future from me.

Most of all I cannot believe he won't be there to walk his daughters down the aisle or be a Grandad

I just miss him so much

I'm so sorry. It's not fair at all. I'm so sorry you're having to see people minimising this disease when you know what it can do.

So 3 weeks have passed and it still doesn't seem real. I keep expecting him to walk in the door.

I feel like I'm watching a film not real life 💔

So sorry for your loss

You are in my thoughts Poppy, how are your girls doing? Please do be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. Have funeral preparations begin yet? Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, do what you need x

I'm a few days ahead of you in terms of days since my loss, OP, and it still doesn't feel real to me.

I keep forgetting he's gone, and every time it comes back to me, it hits me afresh.

Have you had a massive, blubbering cry yet? I can only weep for a few minutes at a time, and feel like I really need a full-blown, hours long, lying on the bed sobbing session, but it just won't come. I was speaking to a friend who's a counsellor earlier, and she assures me that a) it will happen and b) it will be cathartic and helpful when it does.

I think that feeling of detachment is something your brain does to help you cope initially so maybe not a bad thing while there's stuff to sort out.

Have you had the funeral yet? Some people find that helps, although I can barely remember DP's.

@LakieLady I am so sorry for your loss. DH funeral was over a week ago and went by in a blur. It was so sad.

I had a weep last night over something trivial but it opened the floodgates a little bit. I can't imagine what my future is going to be like. I miss him so so much.

My youngest daughter is still here and will be for the next few months as all her lectures are online. It's such a relief

I’m so sorry 💐

I'm so sorry OP

@poppy2021, I know exactly what you mean about the uncertainty around your future. I'm sure you had plans and dreams that you'd made together, like me and my DP did.

The plans we made are either no longer viable financially or things that aren't practical for me to do on my own. And it's far too soon for me to have come up with alternatives.

The uncertainty is really unsettling and the broken dreams are heartbreaking. I can't believe we never got to do the motorhome road trip through France, or travel to a MotoGP race together, or move to Cornwall. And I retire in the summer, and have no idea what I will do with myself, as the business plan we had isn't viable just on my pensions.

I just feel like I'm falling every time I try and think of the future, and that's on top of the missing him, every waking moment.

@LakieLady I completely understand. We planned to cruise the same destination we did last year and go back to explore Krakow some more.

I have been very weepy tonight. I was married at 21 and really don't know anything else. I can't see how this was written in our stars. I keep saying this is a nightmare but if it was I'd have woken up by now. I just feel so lost and alone

Oh, @poppy2021, I so know that "lost and alone" feeling. It's so unbearable, it actually makes me feel a little sick. And the enforced isolation of Covid makes it so much worse.

I went for a walk today with the mother of DP's DGD, and I found that being in the woods and open countryside made me feel a lot better (and she's utterly lovely, which really helped). And the sun even came out for us, although it was chilly.

I recommend it, if you have nice countryside nearby.