My mum died without loved ones last night

[Anantara]

So upset, hospice called but we are a couple of hours away, we left immediately, she had passed away an hour before I arrived. My dad and brother asked not to be contacted as they didn't want to be there. I feel devastated that a stranger held her hand, rather than her family, I don't understand why they wouldn't do that for her

Hi again, I came back to read your words, I'm in a much calmer place now. The funeral is tomorrow, my dad has only invited 4 people, myself, my brother, himself and his brother, my husband and children are not allowed to attend. His actions have made everything so hard, he has been so angry. I will be glad to get past the funeral, it's only 10 mins in the crematorium, he wasn't getting any flowers as he didn't see the point, but I've ordered some - I actually needed his permission!. Everything is about him, my mum would've wanted her son in law and grandchildren there, it will be the meanest shortest funeral he could arrange

OP, I just read this now. I am so sorry for your loss

Please try to look after yourself and if you can remember that everyone grieve in different ways. When my dad died I was numb and started arranging the funeral on autopilot, I couldn’t care less (I loved my dad and was in complete shock). It turned out my grandmother had very strong views on the funeral, so I let her arrange it. It meant nothing to me and a lot to her, we are very different).

Also, some people seem to die when their loved ones aren’t there. When my grandmother was terminally ill, I moved into her care home for the last two weeks. I had a bed next to hers (she was unconscious for the last week). I was with her almost 24/7, but at one point I went to the corner shop to get a paper and some sweets and during those 15 min she died. A member of the staff held her hand. They said it was common, that they held on when their loved ones were in the room and let go when they left...

Hi OP.

I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow.

I’m sorry it isn’t going to be the goodbye you would have wanted for your mum. I am not sure why your dad is acting like he is - grief can be a funny thing - but I think I would be really upset if I’d to ask permission to have flowers too and I’d be deeply sad if my dad denied close family attending. Is he not thinking that you would maybe need your own family’s support? It just seems needlessly bleak to me

I know it isn’t the same but could you do something later with your family to celebrate your mum’s life and also mourn her passing?

Again, I’m so sorry for your loss x

I hope

I've been thinking of you, OP

Anantara

What a really distressing and traumatic time for you. You must be feeling so much pain and it must be very difficult to process the response of your dad. I wish you strength to get through the service, it sounds like there is alot of stuff going on in the background and you need time to find a way to deal with it. Sorry that your husband and children are not allowed to attend, that's very tough. I wish you the strength to get through this.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I've helped in a hospice and it's not unusual for a person to pass when their family steps out of the room

Thanks for your lovely words, got through the funeral, it was impersonal, but thankfully short. My uncle was lovely and stood by me, which I really appreciate. Hopefully I can draw a line and move on.

Im so sorry . My grandparent died without family. I was too pregnant and too far away, son didn't get out of the shower to answer the phone, other one - who knows. . I really hope they had hospice staff with her. I asked if they were alone and they didn't answer .