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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Need a virtual shoulder

22 replies

androsia · 12/09/2007 17:29

I am so emotional today - my dd2 has reached the age my dd1 was when she died. It feels so bittersweet - joy and sadness mingled together. My dd2 will do all the things and reach all the milestones dd1 didn't....I miss her.

Just needed to write it down somewhere.

OP posts:

ledodgy · 12/09/2007 17:32

Gosh that must feel bittersweet. Thinking of you.

SugaryBits · 12/09/2007 17:33

So sorry for the loss of your daughter. I'm not very good at saying the right thing, but just wanted to post and let you know someone is here x

hertsnessex · 12/09/2007 17:33

so sorry to hear of dd1 dying androsia, i wish you lots of memories of dd2s firsts and enjoy how amazing they are.

thinknig of you.

hazygirl · 12/09/2007 17:34

thinking of you big hugsxx

fawkeoff · 12/09/2007 17:41

))))))))))huge hugs hun(((((((((((((((((

coppertop · 12/09/2007 17:48

Androsia xx

Pixiefish · 12/09/2007 17:56

So sorry to hear this xx

Desiderata · 12/09/2007 18:07

I hope dd2 gives you joy today, androsia. I'm so sorry life has thrown this at you. Take care of yourself.

Original poster

androsia · 12/09/2007 18:15

Thankyou for your kind words everyone.

I've been so wobbly today - putting dd2's clothes out on the washing line set me off. I remember so vividly coming home from the hospital after dd1 died (4 years ago now) and the first thing I saw was the laundry basket with all her little sleepsuits and clothes to be ironed. Having to decide what to dress her in for the coffin...not wanting to put her in it. She was 8 months old when she died and a beautiful girl who lives on in her sister and brothers.

OP posts:

Pixiefish · 12/09/2007 18:35

How terrible for you androsia- something no parent should go through

katendmom · 12/09/2007 21:27

Oh Androsia, I am crying as I am typing this post... I am sure that the Heaven was short of an angel and your little ray of sunshine was called to the rescue... She is now watching over you and your little precious one...

God bless you and your family

Desiderata · 12/09/2007 21:34

My shoulder is still here ..

It's almost the conclusion of a milestone day. God bless you.

amyjade · 12/09/2007 21:39

A big virtual hug for you androsia.x
My Dd2 is now 9 months older than her big sister! all very bittersweet i know.
Dd2 is talking now, going to playschool, sleeping in a big girls bed all the things Dd1 so nearly got to do.
Dd1 died in April 2005 aged 19 months and would be 4 years old now, can't even imagine what she would be like? but like you said their short lives will never ever be forgotten and our darling daughters will live on in their sister's and brother's and in our memory. xxxx

Desiderata · 12/09/2007 21:51

I am nonetheless glad that someone who has actually suffered this, come upon your thread.

Perhaps you could email each other ..

Well done again, androsia, for getting through this day. I remember my son at eight months. He wasn't a baby. He was a boy. He was my boy. She was your girl.

I am thinking about you.

Original poster

androsia · 13/09/2007 08:22

Thanks so much for all your kind words.

The sun is shining this morning.

I am so sorry Amyjade - your loss is so much more recent than mine. Some days are harder than others aren't they?

OP posts:

amyjade · 13/09/2007 11:22

Some days are definatly easier than others, mainly because i just don't have a moment to myself with Dd2 and Ds keeping me so busy and i don't have time to comprehend what's actually happened.
But every so often something will upset me,like a bad memory or i may find something of Freya's i haven't seen for a long time and that is it the wave of despair hits me again and for a few days i'm back to feeling like i did the day she died.
How do you feel after 4 years? i guess we will feel this way forever.

zeebee · 13/09/2007 11:31

androsia, my heart goes out to you. In many ways I am dreading DS reaching the age DD2 was when she died. It will be another marker in the disrupted natural order of our family life.
It terrifies me at times that I can't truly know what DD2 would be like as she grew up - I know my children better than I know myself......but her future was taken away.
Hope today feels better and take extra care of yourself just now.

Momoftwo · 13/09/2007 12:08

I just came upon your thread and I am soooo sorry for all of you who have lost a child. I just wanted to send my hugs to you all. I am thinking of you.

hazygirl · 13/09/2007 17:26

zeebee how r u loing time since we spoke hugs

Original poster

androsia · 13/09/2007 17:56

Amyjade, I know what you mean about keeping busy - I have 2ds's aged 7 and 3 and dd2 8 months so most days are a whirlwhind. I'll always be a Mum of 4 in my heart and mind so I do try and make 'room' in my thoughts and day to day life for dd1. I have her photo on the window ledge infront of the sink in the kitchen so I always look at her whilst I'm washing up etc. Four years on and the pain is still there but not so sharp - the anger is still there but not all the time. I think it will always be like this - we have to have a new normality after losing a precious child.

Zeebee thinking of you - you are so right about it being a marker in our lives.

Take care

OP posts:

zeebee · 14/09/2007 21:09

Hi hazygirl. Can't find your email add, do CAT me if you'd like.We're getting by thanks

hazygirl · 15/09/2007 06:14

hi zeebee,my email address is [email protected] ,we have our inquest on 2nd oct at last i remember talking to you about it xx

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