Feeling confused as to whether I should go & see nan one last time

[Pinkchampagne]

I know there is no right or wrong answer here, and it is really a very personal decision, but tomorrow is my last chance to see nan before the funeral & I really don't know if I can do it.
Some of my cousins have gone, as well as one of my aunties & my uncle. My mum plans to go & see nan tomorrow, so I kind of feel I really should, but I really don't know if I can handle it.
I know it is my very last chance to see her, but have been warned by my cousin that it doesn't look like nan.
I am scared that I will be haunted with images of her lying there dead rather than the memories I have of nan alive, but at the same time I know this is my very chance to look at her before she's buried.

Has anyone had any experience of this?
My head is all over the place right now. I just don't know what I should do.

Don't feel bad about it, pink.

Firstly I am so sorry for your lose its such a hard thing to go through!

My Nanny died in 1st Jan 1999 and I was forced by my Aunties to go in and see her the memory of the strong lady i loved was taken from me that day and I am slighly haunted by the old lady with no glasses on, no teeth in and unmade hair. I can remember thinking Nanny wouldnt want us to see her like this and it felt so wrong she was a private person and this was not what she would have wanted.

The decision is up to you do not go because you feel you have to go because you want to I never went to see my grandad who dies two weeks after her and am so glad I never as my brother did go and said they had done grandads hair and he had red lips again not the man we knew !

Spoken to lots of people at work about it today, and got a mixed range of views, but most of them felt that I shouldn't do it if the thought is worrying me.
My last image of nan was the nan I knew. She was eating her dinner, talking to my boys & smiling, telling all her stories, pulling treats out of her little trolley for the children. She kept getting headaches, but she wasn't suffering majorly, she was still my lovely nan, and that's how I want to remember her. I'm scared the image of her lying there dead could disturb me for some time.
I have asked my cousin if she can pop round on her way to see nan & take my letter & a picture of both my boys to put in with her.

I'm sure she would be very happy to be remembered like that.

Pinkchampagne, very sorry for your loss. I put a letter and photographs in with my Dad. It's not bonkers at all.
I saw my Dad and I can still see him now although I expect that,the memory will fad as time goes on. His death was very sudden and only just over two months ago.

Your gran will always be in your heart and she knows that you love her.

My cousin has been round & taken my letter & the photos. The photos were ones that I gave her from the boys last Christmas. I went into her house shortly after her death & took the photos she had of the boys home with me, then found myself thinking "What am I doing with these, they're nan's, I gave her these as a present so they belong to her"
She now has them back with her.
I am not thinking in a normal or logical way atm, but I felt I wanted her to have my letter & those pictures of the boys in with her. She adored my boys & they adored her.

I'm going to take care of her little cat for her, so feel I am doing her one last favour by doing that.
I keep thinking "Would nan want me to go & see her one last time?"
Too late now though. I do think I have probably made the right decision for myself because I don't know how seeing her body would effect me long term.
I just want to remember the nan I knew. I hope she would understand this.

My cousin has just text me to say she put my letter & pictures next to nan. She says they have put make up on her, which would look strange because she never really wore make up. She said she didn't want to leave her.
Feel bad that I couldn't muster up the courage to see her that one last time, but really not sure how I would have handled it.
I'm glad she has my letter & pictures beside her. I know she can't read the letter, but it makes me feel better knowing it is next to her.

I refused to go and see my dad, even though everyone said I should. I was happy with my decision at the time and still am, 11 years later.

I went with my mum to see my grandma because I'd seen her in the hospital immediately after she died, so she actually looked better and more "her" later on. I was happy with that decision too.

You can only do what feels right at the time.

Sorry for your loss.

Hi Pink, don't feel bad. You've done what was right for you and that's what your Nan would have wanted. If there is any chance that she knows what's going on, she'll know how much thought you've given to this. So she'll know how much you care and you should take some peace from that. Look after yourself.

Thank you both.

I don't know why I feel the guilt. I feel I should have seen her one last time because I wasn't there at the end, but I feel it would have really upset me & I just didn't feel strong enough to handle it.
I have to remind myself that it is not like I would really be seeing my nan one last time, not the nan I knew, because she has gone & that is just her shell.
Very hard to get my head around it all right now, it was very hard, but I do feel that I have made the right decision. I want to remember the nan I knew & loved, I want to remember her smiling.

Be strong Pink. You've made your decision, it was right for you. Well done. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty.

Feeling very very emotional tonight. I don't want tomorrow to come, I don't want to have to say a final goodbye to nan. I will miss her so much.

It was exactually 2 weeks ago today that nan passed away.

WingsofanAngel - sorry, just spotted your post about your dad - so sorry for your loss.

Pinkchampagne I hope all goes ok for you today. You are in my thoughts. Take care x x

Thank you, WOAA. I think I definitely made the right decision in not seeing nan yesterday. My mum went down with her cousin & said that she only walked in as far as to see some of nan's face & had to walk out again as it didn't look like her at all. I know it would have upset me & I'm pleased I have my memories of nan as she was.

Feeling so churned up about today. Have some Rescue Remedy, which I am going to take before leaving.

How are you feeling today PC? xx

Sorry, just seen your post, HD.
Funeral went well, and I coped better than I thought I would. I lost it emotionally quite a bit, but kept telling myself during the actual burial "That is not nan in that coffin"

Although I didn't actually go & see nan before the funeral, just hearing from my cousins & my auntie that it didn't really look like nan lying there, was enough to reassure me that it wasn't really nan in the coffin. This was a comfort to me, and helped me through the funeral. I am pleased now with my decision not to view nan's body, I feel it was the right choice for me.

Thanks for asking after me.