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Original poster

My daughter committed suicide

71 replies

MisguidedAngel · 31/05/2019 14:35

She left a note saying sorry to everyone and one to me with all her pin numbers and bank details. She hanged herself. Obviously I feel terrible. I was with her for three weeks just before (I live abroad), I knew she was very depressed but nobody realised how bad it was. No previous mental health issues, just lots of losses, rejections and pain starting with an unpleasant divorce. She couldn't envisage a future. Her friends are devasted too, she put on a good front.

But what I really want to ask is: why does there have to be a post mortem? It would appear to be completely straightforward. The Coroner's office won't even let me have her phone and laptop or the notes, although I can read them when I get there. And they won't give a reason. I'm beginning to feel really scared. Is this normal?

I would have looked for support from MN before, but she was on it and knew my nn though I didn't know hers and don't know if she ever posted. She was only 51.

OP posts:
Fridakahlofan · 31/05/2019 14:37

I am so so sorry. Sending hugs and hoping you get answers xxx

Sexnotgender · 31/05/2019 14:38

I’m so sorry. A PM is fairly standard I think.

LoafofSellotape · 31/05/2019 14:39

So sorry OP, dealing with a similar loss in our family ATM and there was also a PM,I don't know why. Possibly just in case there was foul play ,they need to rule out it was suicide ?

I'm so sorry Flowers

Toooldtobearsed2 · 31/05/2019 14:42

I am so sorry, there is nothing I can say that will take the pain away.

A pm is standard in any case other than an expected death, and although you may struggle with it, it really is a worthwhile exercise. In your case, things seem straight forward, she was depressed and you knew that. However, it may be possible in some cases that there were contributory factors - coercion, debt etc.,
A pm would not bring those people back, but sometimes vital lessons could be learned and another persons suicide be prevented.

Take great care of yourself x

Hefzi · 31/05/2019 14:42

I'm so sorry, OP Flowers

All kinds of sudden death require PMs, even where the cause of death is obvious, unfortunately. Because there has to be an inquest, things like your daughter's phone will be needed as evidence, but you will eventually have them returned, not that that's much help to you right now.

Atalune · 31/05/2019 14:42

pm is standard for a suicide.

Very sorry for your loss. You seem in shock, how are you holding up?

Goodnightjude1 · 31/05/2019 14:43

I don’t know anything about PM but didn’t want to read and not say anything. I’m so very sorry for your loss. It’s such a terrible way to lose someone. Sending love and strength to you 💐 x

SecretWitch · 31/05/2019 14:45

I’m so sorry. 🥀

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 31/05/2019 14:48

PM is really standard and should be handled really sensitively. I am so sorry for your loss Thanks

TixieLix · 31/05/2019 14:50

OP, I'm so very sorry for your loss Flowers.

I believe a PM is standard in the case of suicides as they have to confirm the cause of death. Although it may seem obvious (hanging as you've specified for your DD) they have to ensure there were no other contributing factors eg drugs, sedatives etc. From what you say your DD was in a bad place emotionally and mentally, so I'm sure it will be very straight forward.

Calltheguards · 31/05/2019 14:53

🥀

I am so so sorry. I think it must be a standard thing because they want to make sure they know the cause and because of her age.

feathermucker · 31/05/2019 14:55

Sorry for your loss

Ginkypig · 31/05/2019 15:09

It's completely normal although for you that doesn't matter because it's a harrowing experience after an already horrific one.

My uncle hung himself 7 years ago and this happened in his case too. They also wanted some belongings to check through them. It was a relatively quick process of I think a few weeks but I don't know how long it normally takes. We began planning the funeral anyway but explained to the funeral directors and others like the florist that obviously we couldn't choose a date until he was released back to us but we made all the choices that needed to be made so that everything was ready to go once we had him back and were able to pick a date for his funeral. It helped my grandmother (his mum) because she felt able to be busy rather than just stuck waiting for the coroner to call.

Once they have been through the processes that they need to pm etc then make an official determination in the case your daughter and her belongings will be released to you but I know until then every day and hour that passes is torture for you.

I'm very very sorry misguidedangel nothing I could ever say could change how you feel but know that I will be thinking about you.

clairemcnam · 31/05/2019 15:10

I am so sorry OP.
A close friend killed herself and there was a post mortem and an inquest. It is because they have to rule out any other reason for her death. So very rarely people have been murdered and it has been made to look like suicide. That seems very unlikely here, but they seem to do it as a matter of course, so they are sure of the cause of death.

rainbowruthie · 31/05/2019 15:13

Sending kind thoughts Flowers

endofthelinefinally · 31/05/2019 15:14

I am so sorry for your loss.
Flowers
A post mortem is standard practice and is required by law under the circumstances of suicide, or any sudden death. It is an awful thing to go through. There will be an inquest, but you do not have to attend.
The coroner's assistant will keep you informed of everything and will also tell you when you can arrange the funeral.
Losing a child is such a devastating thing to go through.
There are many of us here on this board who care, so do keep posting if it helps.

stucknoue · 31/05/2019 15:14

A pm is standard if they haven't seen a health professional in a set amount of time before death. So sorry for your loss

Original poster
MisguidedAngel · 31/05/2019 15:28

Thank you so much, so many people responding. It helps.

I am in shock I think, it only happened yesterday, I didn't sleep at all last night. Every time I closed my eyes I could see her. This morning I have been making arrangements to travel, talking on the phone to the police and the coroner's assistant and some of her friends.

I have good support in RL, but this is easier than talking.

OP posts:
Original poster
MisguidedAngel · 31/05/2019 15:30

All the officials have been very kind and sensitive, what a terrible job.

OP posts:
LittleDoritt · 31/05/2019 15:31

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

onalongsabbatical · 31/05/2019 15:40

So sorry to hear this, MisguidedAngel. Sending love and a handhold. Flowers

Calltheguards · 31/05/2019 15:47

We are here for you. 💛

Atalune · 31/05/2019 15:47

You’ll be busy for the next few days and that will be distracting.

Be kind to yourself too, take some time to just be.

barryfromclareisfit · 31/05/2019 15:49

I am sorry for your loss.

ThatCurlyGirl · 31/05/2019 15:52

I am so, so sorry OP. Words aren't enough I know but I'm just so sorry you're going through this ThanksThanksThanks

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