Oh bollox

[BeetrootHeidi]

MIL died an hour ago.

dh sped up to be with her but missed her by half and hour

The cars were both in the garage and I persuaded him to go via the garage and pick up the car rather than use the courtesy car - this added 45 mins onto his journey

I only suggested it because I thought if she took along time dying it would be easier for him as he wouldn't have to worry about getting the courtesy car back.

gutted for him.

his dad died when he was a child - now he is alone.

My Mum was in her first teaching job and newly married and the bus she took to go home went past the end of her Mum and Dad's street, so she quite often got off and called in on them on the way home. One night she almost got off, then thought "no, I'm tired...I'll call in tomorrow" and her Mum died that night, unexpectedly of a heart attack (she was only 59). Mum felt guilty for years - that she wished she'd seen her one more time, that she somehow would have known her Mum was unwell...but she said she eventually made peace with it and accepted that it just wan't meant to be and...it didn't matter, her Mum loved her and she loved her Mum and it was just one of those sad, awful things.

I hope your dh is OK.

Sometimes I do think these things happen for a reason My Nan sent my Mum for cup of tea although mum had sat by her bed all night and when my mum was gone my Nanny died. I think being there when someone dies is a very hard thing although he may wish he had been there it may be better that he wasnt. My thoughts are with you tonight I shall pray for your dh and his mum x

thanks for those thoughts.

He is still in Norfolk so I don't really knowhow he is doing. Not sure he iwll be back before Friday now.

I missed my Dad dying by about half an hour. beat myself up for ages about if I hadn't done this/that/the other, I might have got there in time. So I feel for your DH. But perhaps by that point she wouldn't have known he was there?
Please don't blame yourself. I wish you strength with all you'll have to deal with over the coming days and weeks.

beety

please give him a hug from me.

dh is also an orphan and i think it hits harder for people that have lost one parent earlier on....it is tough...

poor both of you....please don't give the courtesy car thing another moments thought....you were acting out of concern and kindness...

if there is anything at all i can do...
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

very sorry beetroot and DH.

oh no beety I'm so sorry

The funeral is next Thursday.

all very delicate with a step father who wants to do stuff but sadly is not mobile but - well thinks he is iykwim.

Dh ahving to stay up until tomorrow now and we will all go up on Sunday and help sort things out.

sorry to hear this, beety

Only just seen this thread, beety - I'm very sorry to hear this news - much sympathy to DH and to you and as others have said, don't feel bad about the car, you both did your best.

xxx

Really sorry to hear of your loss. My FIL died last year and my DH felt just as you do, because he visited his dad in hospital (3 hour drive away) and came home when he knew he wasn't really well. Next day hospital called us to come urgently, but too late. The staff gave no indication that FIL was critical, or DH would have stayed. Try to see that sometimes things are simply beyond our control, and we do the best we can in difficult circumstances. We always feel that we should be able to do something to make a difference. Don't punish yourself - just try to comfort each other and remember it's what you did for people during their lives that matters most. All the best.

thanks Kitten - I feel a bit better about it now - dh was such a wonderful and caring son and I know his mother thought the world of him. He will miss her a great deal.

poor dh poor dh.

when the funeral director went round, and they talked about the coffin, his step father looked at the prices and grunted - the cheapest one - it is only going to get burnt anyway.

dh is a kind an gentle man and he is already near to breaking point. SF is grunting and being rude, god knows what the funeral wil be like

Your poor DH

So sorry you are all going through this

He will be home tomorrow and when he goes up next we wil all be together so at least I can take the brunt if need be - trouble is I am not as tolerant as dh!

Well that may not be a bad thing, things might get sorted if you do push it a bit more, slightly easier to do if it's not your mother or partner I think. Glad he's back tomorrow so you can be with him and he can see the children again.

thats choc. how are things with your mil?

We're still waiting, it's been 48 hours since the doctors withdrew everything except pain killer. I think it will probably be tomorrow or Saturday at the latest. She's very peaceful apparently which has helped DH to hear.

The waiting is really getting to poor DH, I feel so sorry for him. I've found it really tough this afternoon so goodness knows what it is like for him. Thank you for asking.

when will he go?