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Original poster

Do I still count as a mother?

88 replies

RobertsMother · 16/02/2019 16:01

7 months ago, my son Robert (currently my only child) was born at 28 weeks. I was haemorrhaging (placenta previa) and the doctors felt the best option was a c section. My son was born well and taken to NICU. I was told i wouldn't be able to get into a wheelchair until the spinal block wore off so best to rest up until the next day, when I could be safely taken to see him. Sadly, I was woken at 1am and told Robert was in respiratory distress. They managed to get me upstairs and he passed away an hour later.

My husband and I stayed for four days in the bereavement suite with our son. We were afraid to take him home in case his condition deteriorated sooner so, when we left hospital, we came in for visits each day. We stopped once he moved to the undertaker as he was really deteriorating and we were struggling to see it. Now I wish we had visited and changed him into his final outfit, tucked him into his forever bed.

I worry he never knew me and I worry I didn't do enough for him. I worry he wouldn't consider me his mother. And I worry that the world doesn't consider me a mother because I don't have my baby here.

I know mumsnet is full of mothers, can anyone reassure me that I count?

OP posts:
As476 · 16/02/2019 16:25

You are 100% Roberts Mummy. I’m so sorry for your loss. He grew inside you, knew your heartbeat and your voice. He would know you are his Mummy. You did everything you could. Just because you don’t have a baby with you now doesnt mean you aren’t a Mum. You birthed him, grew him, you are his Mum. Sending you lots of love xxx

mummysheepy · 16/02/2019 16:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the user.

Yogagirl123 · 16/02/2019 16:26

You will always be Roberts mum, so sorry for your loss OP, something no mum should ever have to face
Flowers

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 16/02/2019 16:28

Oh my love, a very strong mother. Bless you x

helzapoppin2 · 16/02/2019 16:29

Yes you are, and will always be.
So sorry for your loss.

Bearberry · 16/02/2019 16:32

Yes, you are Roberts mother and always will be. So sorry for your loss Flowers

SanityisfoundinNature · 16/02/2019 16:33

You are every bit a mother, Robert's mother Flowers xxxx

skunkatanka · 16/02/2019 16:34

You carried your baby. He heard your heartbeat and your voice. You gave birth to him and loved him. You stayed with him as long as you possibly could and I have no doubt you will never forget him. OP, you are and forever will be Robert's mum. I'm so so sorry for your loss Thanks

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/02/2019 16:38

You did the best you could at the time. You loved your little boy very much. That really will have been enough. Flowers

SoupDragon · 16/02/2019 16:38
Flowers
justthecat · 16/02/2019 16:43

You most certainly are a mother, Roberts mummy and will always be 💐💐

AlexaAmbidextra · 16/02/2019 16:49

Of course you are a mother. You protected and nurtured your son. As others have said, he would have heard your voice and been safe and warm inside you. I’m so very sad for you. You will always be Robert’s loving Mummy. Nothing can ever take that away from you. 💐💕

beeyourself · 16/02/2019 16:53

You will always be Robert's mum. It's so hard to know what to do, how to act, when dealing with the death of your child. You did what felt right at the time, which means it's still right now.

I'm so sorry. I hope you're getting real life support. I found SANDS, Tommy's Facebook group etc helpful to some extent.

olderthanyouthink · 16/02/2019 16:54

You most definitely count, I am so sorry for your loss

DustyMaiden · 16/02/2019 16:56

What you are feeling now is what a mother feels, wondering if they did the right thing, if they did enough.

My DD was stillborn, I was too afraid to look at her, I never saw her. It took me a long time to come to terms with that.

You are a mother and will always be.

labazsisgoingmad · 16/02/2019 16:56

of course you are a mum i wish you and your partner hugs and prayers xx

DoingMyBest2010 · 16/02/2019 16:59

Yes you are Robert's mother, forever and always. Flowers

youarenotkiddingme · 16/02/2019 17:03

You are a mother.

You are Roberts mum - always and forever. ❤️

whocaresalot · 16/02/2019 17:09

Of course you are his mother and you always will be FlowersFlowers

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 16/02/2019 17:11

Your answer is the first line of your post.
Very sorry for you and Robert's Daddy Flowers

sakura06 · 16/02/2019 18:56

So sorry for your loss. You will always be a mother. Thanks

Chottie · 16/02/2019 19:00

Yes, you are Robert's mother and always will be....... Flowers

Seline · 16/02/2019 19:04

You are the best mother Robert could ask for. You loved him which was what he needed more than anything. I'm sorry got your loss Flowers

corlan · 16/02/2019 19:12

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Of course you're a mother.

PotteringAlong · 16/02/2019 19:18

You know that looking back? Wishing things were different and could you have done it better? That’s being a mummy, right there. That’s what mum’s do.
He knew you; your voice, your heartbeat and your love Flowers

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