MIL only got a few weeks left, how do I prepare my 5 year old son ?

[pumpkinpie01]

My MIL is dying from lung cancer and only has 1-2 weeks left. She has suddenly deteriorated after the cancer has spread, just 2 weeks ago she was dancing at a party. Our DS is her only grandchild and she sees him twice a week, they have a wonderful relationship and she dotes on him.How on earth do I prepare him for this ? So far I have told him she is very poorly in hospital, we are visiting later which could well be the last time he sees her which breaks my heart.

I'm so very sorry for your loss xx I completely understand not wanting to break the news yet. We did the same to our very young children when a close family member died. We waited two days in fact. Their responses were very different. They didn't ask many questions at first but then would get quite angry at seemingly silly little things and after a chat we realised it was because they were struggling to process it. Our oldest laughed when we told her but it was nerves and not knowing what to do or say. Our youngest is 4 and really doesn't understand what dying means so sometimes thinks we will see the family member when we go to the house. Just be prepared for odd reactions... Sending you all love x

Bless your MIL buying Mariokart. She sounds like a lovely woman. You must all be super proud of her.

I have learnt that even though the person you love dies, the love itself doesn’t. I hope that can bring you some comfort.

I’m sorry for your loss .

And thank you Rachelover40 for your kind comment.

Well we have just told him and he burst into tears, threw himself on his bed and shouted at us for telling him. We hugged him and told him it was ok to be angry and sad because we are too. He is now playing on the Ds she bought him, he hasn’t asked that many questions so don’t really think it’s sunk in so am expecting lots of random questions at odd times.

Very sorry for your loss, OP. I love that phrase about having love if you have memories. From what you've said on here, you have many happy memories of her to remember in the difficult days ahead

It'll take a while for it to sink in and for him to understand what it means. Hope you're ok too.

DS has only just gone to sleep he was crying and crying for his grandma saying he will never see her again , it’s heartbreaking I have just lay with him and cried and cuddled him telling him how much he loved her. He asked could she talk to him from heaven , we had to say no I couldn’t have him thinking he could hear her voice again , he was wailing and sobbing

I’m so sorry Pumpkin.
You have been through the mill this week, and it sounds as though you’ve been strong for everyone. Bless you all Xxx

I’m sorry, it must be so hard to see him grieve like this. However don’t be suprised if he seems fine in the morning and doesn’t mention it.

I assume you have told the school so they will be prepared if he’s upset there. And it will be good for him to have the support of his classmates and teacher.

Children deal with these things very differently from adults - one minute they will be sobbing as if their heart will break and 10 mins later they will be playing happily . It doesn’t mean their grief isn’t real, just expressed in a different way.

You are doing the right thing just answering his questions honestly and letting him talk or cry. There’s no way around this, you just have to go through it .

@singingsands I’m really not being strong I’m a blubbering mess I went to hospital with FIL and DH today as FIL wanted to take chocolates to the lovely nurses but I couldn’t even make it on to the ward as I could feel my eyes welling up. I feel my DH is stronger than me and she was his mother not mine ! Thank you @KristinaM your words are really helping me I really do appreciate it. I told his teacher today that we were telling him today so we will tell her at drop off how he reacted snd make sure she has both our numbers in case he needs collecting although I actually think he will be fine at school. I’m relieved he understood that dying means you don’t see someone again at least he knew that people don’t come alive again. I gave such a lovely description of heaven to him he mentioned heaven first so I thought it would be comforting to him to think she was in a beautiful sunny place .

I agree, I think he will be fine at school. And if he gets upset his classmates will comfort him - it will help him when he hears that others have lost their grandparent etc and felt sad too. It’s his little community and its important they he feels understood by them and not alone.

Don’t worry about being a blubbering mess. You and your Dh will have good days and bad days , and other times you will be strong for him.

How is your teenaged DD?

Hope the funeral plans are going ok.

I dont think he will tell anyone at school tbh, I think he may well block it out while he is there, his teacher will be keeping an eye on him. My DD is fine she has actually been a star I have sat in her room having a cry and she has been very supportive. (its not her grandma and she is very close to her grandma (my mum) so she is not feeling it as much as we are ). My DH and FIL are sorting out funeral arrangements today, I have gone to work and am doing well so far only cried this morning when my colleague asked how DS was.