Viewing the body

[missingdadd]

Hello,
Please can I have some advice on viewing the body of a loved one st the funeral home.
My dad passed away suddenly and I am in two minds as to whether it is a good idea or not.
I feel I might need to for closure as I don't feel I have accepted he is gone yet. But I am also scared.
Thank you

I saw my husband and he was beautiful. I didn't want him in the funeral home and no one visited him. Gave me another opportunity to touch his face and stroke his hair. My 6 and 9 year old also came to see their daddy and it was a great comfort to them. To them it was just daddy.

IF you do go back OP be very careful where you touch

Oh God yes. I'm the first in my group of friends to have lost a parent & I've warned all my friends about that

@Floralnomad what do you mean where I touch? What will happen

I wouldn't advise it but that's my personal opinion. I was with my mum when she died after a very short illness. She looked very peaceful and just like she was asleep. I didn't want to go and see her just have my memories of what my mum was like before. But my dad wanted to go and said he couldn't do it without me. It still stays with me and often when i think of my mum all I see is her lying in the coffin she didn't look awful but not great . It was only 6 weeks ago so hopefully it'll get better

Sorry just noticed your update I'm glad you found comfort I wish I had

Op I touched my nan when I went to see her and logically I knew she would be cold. But it took me back just how cold she was, the cold radiated off her and it wasn't pleasant. I don't regret touching her though.

I’ve pmd you . OP

The FD warned us my dad would be cold so we wouldn't be shocked but I didn't touch him then anyway.

I went into the room with my Dads body, I didn’t look at his face though. My Niece has gone in before me and I heard her say,oh he looks horrible. Never regretted not seeing him. I wanted to remember his face from wh n he was living.

I was not referring to the coldness and have explained why I said it to the OP .

I think his mouth was open because they hadn't done anything since he died, he was just wheeled into a different room. He had a heart attack and they tried to resuscitate him. I'm really not sure, i just know it was disturbing

As Floral said what she's referring to is not the body being cold

Only you can decide obviously but I went to see my mum in the funeral place after a lifetime of NOT seeing deceased relatives. I did the old cliche of running out of the place hyperventilating, and if there had have been cliffs nearby, I would probably have driven off them.
I had the idea beforehand of spending time with her and it being a comfort but it was so awful. It's still a crystal clear image in my head and probably always will be.
On the other hand I probably would have regretted not going but at least I wouldn't have the image of my lovely mum in a coffin. Xx

Could I also have an explainer pm please? I thought it would just be intense cold.

I had a horrible experience seeing the body of my mother when I was 11. Perhaps as an adult I would have felt different, but it didn't look like her and the coldness of her skin made me scream and run out of the room. It's not really how cold she was but rather that she wasn't warm, it's a totally alien feeling. People are warm, death is cold. When you touch a body you are not touching a person, you are touching death. It's quite disturbing. If you need closure I would go but not touch. You can't forget how it feels and it's not pleasant.

Being Irish I've seen plenty of open coffins. But I didn't really want to see my dad, and was kind of talked into it by the funeral director and my mum, who said it would help with closure etc. I wish I hadn't, it really didn't look like him. It wasn't scary at all, but it was kind of ghastly, even though he wasn't the first body I'd seen. I should have stuck to my guns and remembered him as he was alive. But its a very personal decision, there is no right or wrong answer.

I went to see my Grandpa in the chapel of rest and it was the best decision for me.
He was dressed in a suit as he always had been, his nails had been manicured, the funeral home had taken such care with him.
He looked liked a wax work of himself. Not asleep. His soul had left him and you could see that. When the funeral came and he was cremated (something I can't get my head around are cremations) it was really comforting to know that it wasn't him in the coffin as such.
But my sister or dad didn't go, they wanted to remember him as he was x

I was with my mum when she died and afterwards she didn't look peaceful so I went to see her in the chapel of rest and I was shocked she looked awful, however I'm glad I went because I was able to disassociate myself from the body in the coffin at her funeral being my mum if that makes sense.

It's a very personal choice that only you can decide. So sorry for your loss op

I'm so sorry for your loss

My mum died suddenly and I didn't get to say goodbye. I chose not to go as I knew she had a fear of death, my sister did and wished she hadn't.

I saw my Dad very ill and he died when I went out for some air. I wanted to see him at peace, but had spent 3 months with him, everyday.
It felt right.

You must do what feels right for you.

I think you should go back.

My dad died suddenly - I was with him the day before, he had a heart attack and 5am the next morning. I was called to the hospital but didn't get there in time. So I saw him dead at the hospital. He looked pale, unkept and his mouth was open. He was warm though and I kissed him and held his hand and read to him for a bit.

I was in two minds about viewing the body but I am glad I did. He looked much smaller that in real life and although his face was my daddy, it was clear to me that his soul had left and this was just his 'shell' - but not in a bad way. It actually comforted me to think that I was only burying the vestle and not the measure of him if that makes sense.

He was cold and hard. His face felt like a candle that had been in the fridge. But once I'd got over the sensation, I was glad to be able to kiss him again. His mouth was closed, his eyes were closed, they had given him a haircut and shave (I gave them a pic of him at my wedding and said 'make him look like that') and he was wearing the suit he wore to my wedding. I put a note in his pocket, a lavender bag (because he loved the smell of lavender) and a couple of bits from the DC in the coffin.

I didn't regret going.

Bless you. It's not easy