I’ve viewed several loved-ones, some in the funeral home, some in their beds, some I was with when life slipped away. I’ve said no to two viewings as well.
Each experience was different. It depended a lot on how they died, and who organised the viewings. The two I said no to were because I knew the dead person would have preferred me not to. In fact they’d have preferred no viewing was held at all (for sure).
One I went to because I had been the one to find her, and she had some scary discolouration to her skin. I wanted to erase that ‘last memory’ with a better one, after the morticians had woven their magic. It helped a lot.
On the other hand, one I went to turned out to be quite stressful. I went in with 3 family members and they made a bit of a scene, which I found disrespectful. My aunt complained about the hair style they had done, and they redid it in front of us. I regret not steering my aunt out of there by the ear.
My FIL came from a culture that almost always does viewings. I had cared for him (with DH) in the days before his death, and had had my moment (peacefully) to say goodbye before his family descended. I still get comments a decade later about why I didn’t attend him at the church viewing. I bite my tongue about why they didn’t bother to come and see him while he was alive!
I had the misfortune to be overseas staying with my grandparents, when my grandfather passed away. I say misfortune, because he was kept in the house for 5 days before the funeral so everyone (away on summer hols) had time to return and say their goodbyes. Now that’s too much ‘viewing’ in my book. After day 1, I left them to it and busied myself with practical arrangements. It seemed to help them, in their culture, to do it that way, admittedly.
So you see that even after far too much experience with it, I have no one recommendation. Perhaps just a tip. Go along with someone you trust, and who knew them well, and knows you well. Let them go in first, and take their word on whether you should go into the room too.
Find out the rules about leaving a token with your loved one (it’s usually fine if they’re being buried). It can give you ‘something to do’ thats meaningful and brief, if praying with them is not your thing. And don’t get caught up with ‘what will their face look like’. I have a lovely last memory of looking at my dad’s hands for ages, and remembering all the things he had done for me with them.
Sorry for your loss, and hope you come to the right decision. I’ve not regretted any of mine (except going with my crazy aunt).