Viewing the body

[missingdadd]

Hello,
Please can I have some advice on viewing the body of a loved one st the funeral home.
My dad passed away suddenly and I am in two minds as to whether it is a good idea or not.
I feel I might need to for closure as I don't feel I have accepted he is gone yet. But I am also scared.
Thank you

I was scared of seeing a body before my husband died. I was with him at the time. The thing I remember is that, when I went back go see him he didn't look asleep as people had told me. He looked like a shell of a person. Not scary just empty.

I think it depends on how the person looked immediately before dying. If they were in pain and this showed on their face then some people take comfort in seeing their loved ones "at peace". I visited my Dad and my father in law and can only recommend it .... I found it very comforting having those final moments with them and didn't feel scared at all. There is no pressure and no right or wrong, do whatever you feel capable of x condolences at this sad time

Thank you this is helpful.
I hope to be able to say goodbye as I didn't have a chance because I didn't know it was going to happen. I am just worried about my dad not looking like himself and about feeling scared of my dad.

I couldn't go and see my mum. I preferred to think of her when I last saw her alive which was within 24 hours of her death. I may be a chicken tho'

I can’t tell you what to do but I was advised not to by someone who had viewed the body of a loved one. This was many years ago and I don’t regret my decision.

I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. Do you think your dad would have wanted you to see him after he passed, or would he want you to remember him as he was?

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. It's impossible to predict how you'll feel when you see your dad, but if it's anything like my experience of seeing loved ones after they've passed away, you might not think that he looks like himself at all. The essence is gone; the spark that makes the person who they are isn't there anymore. It's almost as if they are a waxwork.

Having said that, many people take comfort in being able to hold their loved one's hand or speak to them one last time. Saying goodbye, I guess, especially if the death was sudden.

I didn't, it just wasn't for me.
I didn't need to see them dead, I knew they were.

That said, it's a very personal decision of course.

I was with my best friend when she died (took a few days and was there the whole time, laid her out etc) and then went back to see her in the Chapel of rest and I thought I was going to pass out, it was awful.
Based on this experience, I didn't go and see my dad. I don't regret it. I remember my dad how he was when he was alive.

I hope you are OK op. for you xxx

I strongly didnt want to see my Dad. But i had spent traumatic weeks next to his bedside.

I I don't know what he would have wanted me to do. I'm so torn. I had to choose his clothes and I struggled with that because I didn't know if he'd want to be smart or comfortable. How stupid am I. I have so many things I need to do and think about and I'm truly struggling with this decision.
I feel scared of it, but it feels like the right thing to do, but what if it's not the right thing? How do I make this decision?

I went to see my Dad in the chapel of rest and I'm very glad I did as he looked like he was just sleeping which was sort of comforting and that's how I remember him

Years ago my uncle died (my moms brother) and my dad said to my mom don’t go you will regret it, she did go and because of the circumstances in which my uncle died (liver failure) he was so yellow and frail and looked in agony.
Then a couple years ago my dad died suddenly and we were asked that dreaded question- and I said yes, because quite honestly I hadn’t had my fill of my dad, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, but at the last minute I remembered my dads advice to my mom and decided not to go. I was with him when he died and that was enough for me. Not matter how many more times I saw his face it would never have been enough.
All the best OP

I didn't go to see my son. I wanted to remember him as he was. I am glad I made that decision and I dont regret it.

Be prepared that if you see them that'll be a lasting memory of them. And it may not be a good one. to you.

I tried with my dbro, for me I walked in then straight back out but everyone else who went (immediate family only, closed viewing) found it helpful. I like you was I two minds but I'm glad i tried at least. If there's going to be a viewing set up maybe go and see how you feel as you are there?

I saw both my man and dad after their deaths. For me it was a positive experience, and made me believe in the soul. Both of them looked similar to the person they had been, but everything that made them who they were was gone. I don't regret it.

Don't feel you need to do this, it's a very personal choice and many people don't want to

My nan passed away a month ago, I was there when she died and stayed with her for a short while afterwards. I did go to see her at the funeral home, just because it was my last chance ever to see her.
It wasn't nice, to me she did look like she was asleep and she'd just wake up and tell me to stop being daft. But I'm so glad I went because I think otherwise I'd have really struggled to get my head around the fact that my nan was in that coffin and without that I think I'd have struggled to accept that it's happened.

I saw my sister, I am glad I did because she looked peaceful. She died when we were least expecting her to, (she had a health condition and had lots of surgeries, many of them emergency ones but she died, unexpectedly, during a routine operation). It was one of the few times I remember her looking at peace.

I didn't see my dad but I was at his side when he went. He died in a hospice and was a shadow of his former self, I prefer to remember him before his cancer really took hold.

I didn't see him before he died because it was sudden, we had no idea it was going to happen.
I was with him the weekend before and it was so normal, which is why I think I am struggling so much to believe he is gone.
I am worried that if I don't go, I may never accept it.
And having the lasting memory of him after death I think is what also scared me. What if that overwrites all the nice memories?

However OP, you should make the decision on what you want to do/ think is right.

So sorry for your loss op.

I wrote my dad a goodbye letter before I went to see him. I thought it'd be ok, I'd been a carer for my dad so didn't think I'd be scared or anything. When i saw him it didn't look like him, he use to have a precence when he was alive and that just wasn't there. As a previous posted said it was like an empty shell. I couldn't go near him or say anything. I asked the funeral director to put the letter in I wrote and he did. I am still glad I went.

My mum has been to see her mum in the funeral home in the past and said she took great comfort from it and said her mum looked like she was sleeping.

I think it's different for everybody, it's only something you can decide but I do understand how thought that decision can be.

I think if you are struggling to accept he is gone then seeing the body might help with that. I went to see my lovely granny and although it was hard it was really a good thing for me. I talked to her for a bit, even though I knew she wasn’t ‘there’. I didn’t touch her but we were there together. She didn’t look as I remembered her as she had been dead for nearly two weeks by then, but I’m still glad I did it.

Good luck with your choice.

I didn't want my last memory of my Dad to be of his dead body.... I still see him kissing me goodbye on the station platform....... and I have absolutely no regrets about that. Other family members chose to go to the funeral home but I resisted the suggestion (and discussed it with a friend at the time: she encouraged me to follow MY gut feeling, not just do what everyone else was doing)...... only you can decide what is right for you, but having that discussion helped me, so I hope that the advice given on this thread will help you.

OP, I'm very sorry for your loss.

Being Irish and having grown up with a very different attitude to death and dying rituals, I'm surprised at the number of people who haven't seen close family members after they have died.
Obviously only you can make the decision, but its really not a scary thing to do. I think most people who have been sick a while tend to look quite well when they are dead. The worries and pain have gone from their faces. Which can be comforting to see.