*trigger warning* suicide

[IGiorni]

My husband took his own life this morning. I have family around me but I just can’t talk. I don’t know what to do.

It’s not your fault. It’s not anybody’s fault. He had an illness and it killed him. It’s as malignant as any cancer.

I hope the diazepam takes the edge off the waves of anxiety. You might find it easier to eat and some better chunks of sleep will let your brain start to process all that has happened.

All of the noise in your head will calm. And you'll be able to think about all of those fears and recriminations clearly, and hopefully with someone who can offer support and guidance, they aren't questions for now. These days are the worst and your only job is to keep going. Just keep breathing, deep and slowly.

The ‘what ifs’ with a death by suicide are unbearable. I hear you on that.

I found the 3 c’s from AA useful, weirdly enough

You didn’t cause this
You can’t control it
Can’t cure it

Wish you all the very very best with this journey you have to embark on, involuntarily.

Be what you need to be these next months

Please try Greif Encounter for bereaved children. They are meant to be amazing.

So sorry to hear of your devastating loss.

Don’t have any sage words of advice, just want to add my support.

I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you, thinking of you.

Thank you all. Having a bad day, I’ve been on autopilot all week and whilst I’ve cried a lot, I’ve been able to do things too. Today I can’t even function, I’ve just cried and cried, I just feel utterly broken. We still haven’t heard from the coroner about the post mortem yet so I still can’t go and visit him. The shock is wearing off slightly - I am eating and sleeping increasing amounts - and the horrific visions are getting less and less but I am just overcome with a sadness that’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

Please dont think it's your fault or blame yourself in any way. He just got to a point where he couldn't cope with life anymore - if any one is to blame it is the mental health services who didn't help him.
I'm coming at it from the other side but it is helping me to see how loved ones react.

I have experienced this type of horrendous grief too OP and it’s 2.5 years later. I couldn’t look ahead but it helped that people said it will eventually get less harder. It does. Just focus on getting through each day and your son. Xxxx

Hi @IGiorni I just wanted to let you know that I still pop by regularly and think about you often.

I'm sure I'm not the only one that will still be here if you want to talk any more.

Agreed igiorni. It's a very hard path.

Thank you, it’s very kind that you’re thinking of me. It’s been a difficult few weeks, the post mortem seemed to take forever and going to visit him in the chapel of rest was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. His funeral is next week and I’m both dreading it and wanting to do it in equal measures. My son’s coping amazingly well and I’m just taking all my cues from him while we try to figure out this new life we didn’t choose. I’ve joined a couple of support groups which were recommended on here and I have some trauma therapy sessions booked. It’s going to be a long journey but I’m very grateful to everyone on here for all your kind words.

Hi all, just wanted to pop back and say thank you again to you all for your kind words. Those first few weeks feel like a lifetime ago, the funeral was like hell on Earth at the time but now it’s just a blur. I’m coping ok mostly, and my son has taken everything remarkably well. He does get upset but he recognises that he’s upset and will ask for time out at school or a cuddle or someone to talk to. We’re moving house in the new year which will be a fresh start for us in a way, I’m still struggling a bit with flashbacks of finding him so I’m hoping they’ll fade a little somewhere new.

Sending you love and strength, OP. I lost my mum to suicide. You are in my thoughts.

I have thought about you often @IGiorni, so lovely to hear from you.

Great to hear that you are having a fresh start away from the bad memories. Hopefully that will help with the flashbacks. Although I never found my husband in our home I could no longer live there so I understand your need to move.

Your son sounds like he is dealing with the loss of his dad very maturely. It is great that he can ask for help and is able to talk. I am sure that this will help with his healing.

I hope that you are getting some help with the flashbacks etc, and I hope you are finding comfort in the support of family and friends.

Sending you and your boy my love and best wishes for a new and better year

I hope you and your son are doing ok. Life after all the practicalities are taken care of, after the period of everything being so raw and those around offering frequent support is waning.... that's when it can get even harder.

I hope you have established longer term support and your move has helped.

What a horrific journey you have been made to travel... I hope you have managed to pull parts of your life back together, and that your little boy is doing OK x