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Bereavement

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My precious son has passed away at 6 days old

81 replies

MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 21/08/2018 15:03

Can't even believe I'm having to even write this but on the 11th of July this year I was 28 weeks pregnant I had celebrated my brothers 29th birthday the day before everything was fine...but on the morning of the 11th of July I started to bleed and had this very painful pain in my bum that I couldn't explain and the pain was getting worse luckily I had a midwife appointment that morning so I rushed of to the doctors.. by the time I had arrived and it was only round the corner from my house I was panting and sweating and my waters went as I arrived and then the blood started to pour and pour ... the midwife rang the ambulance and said this is life threatening I didn't know what was going on I just knew i had to get to the hospital quickly....by the tine I arrived I was rushed into theatre and I had literally 15-20 people surrounding me and these tubes in my nose and mouth putting me to sleep... my placenta had detached from my womb a very rare life threatening expierinence for mother and baby and normally both don't make it, i lost 2500 ml of blood half of my blood they told me if I had been out it the sticks it would of been game over I have been one very lucky woman to be writing this story today ... as a result of me loosing oxygen and blood so did my son he was 12 weeks early and the trauma was just to much for him..they said they didn't give him 10 seconds to survive with the circumstances and my little boy showed them .. 6 days he was with me they were the most beautiful but heartbreaking days of my life.. the doctor on the 4th day sat me down and he said there was no hope left for my son I either had to let them carry on and he would crash out or take him of his life support and let him be safe with me in my arms while he passed...I wanted us to be together when he passed I couldn't bare the thought of being asleep when it happened so I chose to do what I had to do .. when they took him of they said he might only last a couple of minutes my boy showed them again 4 hours he lasted in his mummy's arms while I talked to him cried to him told him I loved him more than life itself I then went in to spend a week with my son before his funeral in a respite home for children which I am so thankful for as I had a week to cuddle my son and make memories before he had to leave me ...and in all of this I had my ex partner turning up at the hospital screaming and shouting that it was all my fault he came early and that he was going to the solicitors on the Monday morning after me telling him our son was very poorly I then had to have him arrested for harassment and assault as he had hit me when I was 8 weeks pregnant... I am now in the grieving process and feeling every emotion possible from guilt anger heartbroken I just don't know how I will get through this I miss my son so much it hurts ... Thankyou for reading my story I just felt like I needed to get it all of my chest and have some support

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/08/2018 15:08

I am so, so sorry to hear this, and my heart goes out to you, @MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018. I cannot imagine the pain that you are in right now. I hope that you have loving arms around you, and people looking after you - especially after what your ex did.

I am sure that wiser people than me will be along soon - I just want you to know that I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

xxxxxx

louella99 · 21/08/2018 15:10

I am so sorry to read your story. And to see that on top of everything you had to deal with that behaviour from your ex partner. Did you name your son Alfie?

Permaexhaustion · 21/08/2018 15:10

I'm so sorry Flowers

BikeRunSki · 21/08/2018 15:10

I am so sorry and sad to read this.
No parent should ever have to bury their child. Bless you and Angie Alfie.

I am sorry too that your ex-partner is being aggressive to you.

Do you have love and support at home?
Have you had any counselling?

Thinking of you. Flowers

TheLadyhasarrived · 21/08/2018 15:11

I am so sorry Flowers

Bezm · 21/08/2018 15:12

No words, just great big virtual hugs. 💕💕💕

Elbbob · 21/08/2018 15:13

I'm so so sorry you are going through this tragedy. I hope you have family around to be strong for you.
May your son rest in peace.

pieceofpurplesky · 21/08/2018 15:13

There are no words. My thoughts are with you and I am so so sorry for your loss Thanks

Penfold007 · 21/08/2018 15:13

I am so very sorry for your loss

Burlea · 21/08/2018 15:15

Oh my poor darling words cannot express how much I feel for you with the tragic loss of a much loved son. No one can take your memories of the cuddles you had.
This was NOT your fault what ever your ex says. Take care of yourself.

ToftheB · 21/08/2018 15:17

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. There aren’t words to describe how unfair it is. My heart goes out to you. Sending you strength and love.

KTD27 · 21/08/2018 15:18

Im so so sorry know that someone somewhere is thinking of you both and sending you strength Flowers

PinkAvocado · 21/08/2018 15:19

I’m so sorry this has happened. Flowers

redcaryellowcar · 21/08/2018 15:20

I'm so so sorry to read this, what a terribly hard time you've had, not only losing your lovely baby but having to deal with a nasty and abusive (thankfully ex) partner amongst it all. Please look after yourself, go slowly and allow people you love and trust to help you gently. I will keep you in my thoughts.

sundaysurfer · 21/08/2018 15:22

I'm so so sorry for your loss - your beautiful baby was held and loved by you, his mother for a long time - not just in his last moments but throughout his time inside you - that is very precious.

Your grief must seem intolerable. I am sending a big virtual hug.

ParkheadParadise · 21/08/2018 15:23

Sorry for your loss MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018
No parent should have to bury their child. Sadly I know how you feel.

Knitjob · 21/08/2018 15:25

I'm so sorry.
Your lovely boy knew he was loved. That is the most important thing.

AndInShortIWasAfraid · 21/08/2018 15:27

I am so, so sorry that your beautiful boy has passed. I hope you have family around you to support you. Xxxxx

Chocchip88 · 21/08/2018 15:27

Oh gosh, so so sorry for your loss. You sound like a wonderful mum though, your beautiful boy was lucky to have his short life filled with so much love xxx

MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 21/08/2018 15:41

Yes His name is alfie Thankyou for asking about him @louella99 💕 absolutely overwhelmed and can't thank you enough at everyone's support and kind words just when I need them the most it restores my faith in the world and the people who are in it so lovely  @ParkheadParadise I am so sorry to hear that you have been on this journey before it is a journey no parent should ever have to take 💕

OP posts:
MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 21/08/2018 15:44

And yes my family have been my rock the whole way through especially my mum and dad 💕 the support at home is amazing thankyou for your kind concern everyone, I have also started counselling last week

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CuddlesAndShit · 21/08/2018 15:45

I can't even imagine the pain you must be in. I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers and I'm thinking of you and Alfie too x

MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 21/08/2018 15:49

As a 25 year old woman I never expected to out live my child ... I know the grief will last a lifetime because love lasts a lifetime .. I'm ready to start this journey my son has made me a different person I never stood up for myself in the past but I stood up to my ex at the hospital , my son gave me my voice back and he gave me strength hope and courage to also have him arrested which is something I couldn't of done without Alfie and for that I couldn't be prouder of him 👼🏻

OP posts:
HavelockVetinari · 21/08/2018 15:50

I am so very very sorry Flowers

You were a great mum, you helped him pass in the gentlest way in his mummy's arms. God bless you both.

Corbby1 · 21/08/2018 15:54

I am so so sorry for your loss. I wish there were words that could make you feel even a little better. Sending love and thoughts your way. Alfie will always be with you, always xx

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