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Bereavement

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My precious son has passed away at 6 days old

81 replies

MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 21/08/2018 15:03

Can't even believe I'm having to even write this but on the 11th of July this year I was 28 weeks pregnant I had celebrated my brothers 29th birthday the day before everything was fine...but on the morning of the 11th of July I started to bleed and had this very painful pain in my bum that I couldn't explain and the pain was getting worse luckily I had a midwife appointment that morning so I rushed of to the doctors.. by the time I had arrived and it was only round the corner from my house I was panting and sweating and my waters went as I arrived and then the blood started to pour and pour ... the midwife rang the ambulance and said this is life threatening I didn't know what was going on I just knew i had to get to the hospital quickly....by the tine I arrived I was rushed into theatre and I had literally 15-20 people surrounding me and these tubes in my nose and mouth putting me to sleep... my placenta had detached from my womb a very rare life threatening expierinence for mother and baby and normally both don't make it, i lost 2500 ml of blood half of my blood they told me if I had been out it the sticks it would of been game over I have been one very lucky woman to be writing this story today ... as a result of me loosing oxygen and blood so did my son he was 12 weeks early and the trauma was just to much for him..they said they didn't give him 10 seconds to survive with the circumstances and my little boy showed them .. 6 days he was with me they were the most beautiful but heartbreaking days of my life.. the doctor on the 4th day sat me down and he said there was no hope left for my son I either had to let them carry on and he would crash out or take him of his life support and let him be safe with me in my arms while he passed...I wanted us to be together when he passed I couldn't bare the thought of being asleep when it happened so I chose to do what I had to do .. when they took him of they said he might only last a couple of minutes my boy showed them again 4 hours he lasted in his mummy's arms while I talked to him cried to him told him I loved him more than life itself I then went in to spend a week with my son before his funeral in a respite home for children which I am so thankful for as I had a week to cuddle my son and make memories before he had to leave me ...and in all of this I had my ex partner turning up at the hospital screaming and shouting that it was all my fault he came early and that he was going to the solicitors on the Monday morning after me telling him our son was very poorly I then had to have him arrested for harassment and assault as he had hit me when I was 8 weeks pregnant... I am now in the grieving process and feeling every emotion possible from guilt anger heartbroken I just don't know how I will get through this I miss my son so much it hurts ... Thankyou for reading my story I just felt like I needed to get it all of my chest and have some support

OP posts:
flapjackfairy · 21/08/2018 16:01

Oh i am so sorry. What a truly terrible time you have had and you have acted with such dignity and love throughout. You are a wonderful mother and i am sorry for all the pain you are going through.
Sending lots of love x xx

Mrsramsayscat · 21/08/2018 16:57

So sorry this has happened to you. You have been very brave to cope with such a lot x

LethalLola · 21/08/2018 17:06

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful Alfie Thanks

2018SoFarSoGreat · 21/08/2018 17:37

So sorry for your loss. Alfie was a lucky little lad - you were so strong and brave to make the choice that you did. The love you gave him shines through your writing.

Sending a big virtual hug your way, and Flowers

nuttyslackster · 21/08/2018 17:41

I'm really sorry for your loss. How traumatic and devastating for you Thanks

ChishandFips33 · 21/08/2018 18:04

Flowers So sorry for your loss - there is no blame that lies with you. Ex is a twat

You've loved, protected and fought for little Alfie all the way and in return he gives you strength

You'll always walk together with him in your heart Flowers

sparklepops123 · 21/08/2018 18:10

💐🌺

LaGattaNera · 21/08/2018 18:10

God bless to gorgeous Alfie and so many hugs and condolences to you OP am so very sorry to hear what you have been through. Heartbreaking xx

MISHGS · 21/08/2018 18:31

❤️xx

Butterymuffin · 21/08/2018 18:38

So sorry this happened to you and that you lost your lovely little boy. FlowersFlowers for you and Alfie.

CandyStore · 21/08/2018 18:42

Thoughts and prayers with you op Flowers

MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 21/08/2018 18:42

Thankyou so much everyone for the kindness shown and beautiful words he was a very beautiful boy lovely brown hair with blonde bits , beautiful button nose the most perfect face I have ever seen im so proud that I am his and he is mine 💙

OP posts:
MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 21/08/2018 18:45

@ChishandFips33 we will walk together always ...beautiful words and yes he was a twat very blunt 😂 but so true and made me laugh thankyou for making me smile and laugh 😊

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 21/08/2018 18:45

I am so sorry, love. Bless you and your dear boy Alfie.

MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 21/08/2018 18:46

Thankyou everyone god bless you all 💕

OP posts:
MrsMozart · 21/08/2018 18:49

Oh darling. I am so very sorry Flowers

TheEmmaDilemma · 21/08/2018 18:54

I don't think I have the vocablary to sufficiently say the appropriate words.

But my heart feels for you and I send love.

Notthisnotthat · 21/08/2018 18:57

So sorry, will keep you and your family in my thoughts x

PleaseLetItBeNapTime · 21/08/2018 19:10

I am so sorry for your loss OP

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones

MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 21/08/2018 19:24

I had a emergency c section which led me to not be able to walk for 2 days I was in morphine for the pain every tablet going a pee bag and blood bag I had to be wheeled in my bed into the NICU to meet my son after meeting him I found the strength somehow to get through everyday walking through the pain to see him the strength of a mother's love is amazing and I kept walking every day for 2 weeks while I spent time with my soon and laid him to rest I then let myself recover properly and I am still sore from the operation 7 weeks on I don't know how I did it ? I did it for him 👼🏻 I'm so proud of both of us .. even when the doctor told me there no hope I cried .. I cried and cried but I then smiled at him ... to let him know 'hey it's ok you did your best ' because I know he wanted to save my alfie and it wasn't his fault he said to me the night alfie passed he said he has never seen such strength and courage from someone so young everyday I went in there knowing it wasn't going to be good but I went in with a smile everyday for my boy I had to be strong for my boy wife ever way it was going 💙 god bless you all for letting me vent my feelings

OP posts:
Mummacake · 21/08/2018 19:28

So very sorry for your loss. Your darling angel boy gave you a voice with all the love you poured into him. Take all the love and support around you and little Alfie's love will be with you for a lifetime. God bless you both FlowersBear

MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 21/08/2018 19:34

@Mummacake beautiful words thankyou 💕💕💕

OP posts:
MotherofanangelAlfiesmum2018 · 21/08/2018 19:36

@Mummacake he gave me a voice to have my vicious ex arrested who had put me down for 2 years every day .. the day alfie was born that all changed ... my voice came back it's an amazing feeling my son did that for me 💕

OP posts:
Brenna24 · 21/08/2018 20:12

God bless you and your little man Alfie. I am so sorry this happened to you. Your ex is a prize twat - I can see why you use the word ex. I hope that one day you will have a wonderful family with someone who deserves you.

Stargirl90 · 21/08/2018 20:16

Im in tears. So sorry about alfie, i bet he was beautiful. Sorry about all you went through almost losing your life too, that must have been so scary. You're so brave! Keep strong, Alfie will be remembered by his family forever

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