My son was born sleeping

[Ethan12]

I gave birth to my son Ethan last tues (at 38+3) knowing his heart had already stopped. My whole world has come crashing down. On the thurs I was due to have a sweep to bring on labour, because I was under a consultant for monitoring.

It's such a cruel and unfair world. I have now lost every single baby I have carried. 3 losses now, the first 2 were in the first trimester which was bad enough. But this one...😭

Now I have to go and register the death of my little man and arrange his funeral. He is so handsome and perfect. How can this be?

And how the hell do I decide what to wear to his funeral?

Do I wear black or white?

Colour?

How am I suppose to pick a outfit for when I have to say a lady goodbye? 😭😢🌠💔💙😇

Oh OP. I am so so so sorry for the loss of little Ethan. I can't imagine your pain. Be kind to yourself lovely. Life is so unfair sometimes. ❤️❤️❤️

My thoughts are with you and precious baby Ethan OP.

I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss :’(

One day at a time. Sending love and strength xxxx

I'm so sad for you, I can't imagine what it's like to lose your precious much awaited baby at that stage.

I lost a baby (much earlier in my pregnancy), we had a funeral, this was over 11 years ago, but I can't remember now what I wore. Wear whatever makes you feel most comfortable.

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, it seems especially cruel after two other losses.

I'm sorry for your loss. Ethan is a beautiful name. I'm sure that he is a cute and perfect little baby. You were his whole world and he will have loved you very much. It doesn't matter what you wear or what you look like, Ethan would probably just have wanted you to say your goodbyes. Life can be so unfair.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so hard to come to terms with so be gentle on yourself.

You can wear whatever you like to the funeral. If you turned up in your pjs I doubt anyone would say anything!

Our little girl was born sleeping at 39 weeks in February. I wore a very comfortable black jumpsuit to her funeral. After having a c section I was sore so wanted to be comfortable.

If you're into books I found saying goodbye a good book to read and help in the earlier days.

Sending love your way

Thank you Toots 123. I have been given that book but haven't got around to reading it yet. Do you think it's best to read it before his funeral which is on Tues? Or will I be ok reading it afterwards? xxx

I am so sorry for you loss, and i know first hand how you must be feeling, My first DD was born asleep at 39 weeks and we knew she had died a few days before, is was the most heartbreaking tragic things to happen to anyone, like you i lost 3 babies in all, my second ended in a miscarriage at 12 weeks and my 3rd was very painful, my dear little boy had not developed the right side of his heart, i was 33 weeks pregnant when we found out, i was induced at 35 weeks and he was born asleep, never in my wildest imagination did it think this could happen twice. But the good news is you will heal, you will never forget them, you will always carry them in your heart, i went on to have 2 beautiful boys and a surprise daughter (i was 42 when i found out i was pregnant with DD 15 years different between her and the boys), sending you a ton of love and healing hugs x

Bless you and beautiful Ethan. I am so, so sorry for you. xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss. When my baby son was stillborn at 26 weeks, I wore a skirt and blouse to his funeral...... it felt really wrong to wear black because he was a baby if that makes sense. He also had a white coffin and afterwards I wish I'd worn something white too.

You'll have bad days, awful days, appalling days and days you just don't want to wake up to another day of this feeling. But it does get better, I promise. It's slow and it's painful, but never stop talking about your Ethan and he will always be part of your life

Dear lady,
I just read your post here on mumsnet and I am thinking of you and your husband in your grief. It is the saddest most painful and heart rending thing to go through. My husband I and lost our perfect and beautiful son at full term during labour earlier this year, and it is very hard, mentally, to keep pushing through the pain of death. It was horrendous. It still is. We had a small burial service. My husband dug the earth and filled our baby's grave afterward. Friends are kind and have tried to give comfort, but they do not understand the pain and depth of the loss, and very soon they have forgotten that comfort is still needed; that you are still grieving. They don't really know how to deal with it and, indeed, we're don't really even know how to deal with it ourselves. We keep going and keep pushing forward, trying to remain positive wherever possible. Trying to focus on helping others, to take our minds off of how we are feeling. Keep going dear lady, be patient with each other, be kind to yourself and to your husband. I am thinking of you xx

Thank you. It is so incredible hard. I have been struggling lately when I've been out shopping. We were in Primark the other day and my husband wanted to try on a load of clothes and the fitting rooms were in the baby boys section. I stood there as long as I could but I had to walk after a while. The shop was busy and there where babies and young children everywhere. It was breaking me down. Hearing babies crying and seeing families. I ended up standing in the middle of the shop with tears streaming down my face. When my husband had finished we paid and left, I couldn't face any more shops I just wanted to go home. Everywhere I look there are triggers, even on the tv. My neighbours had their grandkids round the other day and their grandson has the same name as our beautiful boy. It was devastating. It will be 7 weeks tomorrow 😭

I am so so sorry. Your hearts must be broken and there are no words that will make any of it better, I am thinking of you and lovely Ethan though xx

You poor lady, I am so sorry too :( I found this too and try to schedule my shopping for earlier in the day or later, rather then when schools have just finished. I suddenly became aware of all the families with their beautiful children and I ended accidently dropping all my shopping over the floor and breaking down in tears. Lots of our friends had babies around the same time as us; it's difficult. Lonely arms. Having experienced loss before, it does, somehow, get easier to deal with as time goes on. I'm sure you know this anyway. I know that this doesn't help right now. I really wish I could help you. Sending you much love xx