Whether or not to see loved one again before the funeral

[ListeningtoBowie]

Has anyone done this? Did you regret it?
I realise it's such a personal decision but just not sure what to do.

I was fortunate enough to be with my mother when she died in hospital. After ten minutes or so we were asked to leave so that the staff could do whatever they needed to do. Ten minutes or so later, we were able to go back into her room. I had a really strong feeling that this was no longer my Mum, whatever made that body my Mum was no longer there.

I didn't see her body after that.

Only you know if seeing the body will give you any comfort. I couldn't tell you, four years later, if seeing my Mums body gave me comfort. I knew, without a doubt, that on seeing her body after her death that the essence of my Mum was gone.

I'm sorry for your loss

Sorry, accidentally pressed post too soon.

Knew I would regret it if I didn't go but I didn't like it. I was frightened of the funeral home, the atmosphere, the whole thing.
I couldn't believe I was looking at DH and he wasn't breathing anymore.

But I'm still glad I went.

I'm a nurse and have seen and laid out many dead bodies, but I didn't see either of my parents after death. My DM after an accident had a post mortem (which I've seen done as a student nurse ) so I was under no illusion about the realities.
No regrets about not seeing my dad nearly 20 years ago, and so far, no regrets about my mum either. I said my goodbyes in my own way.

Its really up to you, do whatever you think is best for you, no one else. I have done it four times, one was my stepmums mum, so my stepnan, i was about 14 at the time if i renember and i was glad i did, i never saw her in hospital when she was admitted and it was my chance to say goodbye and pay my respects. My step brothers 4 week old baby, he was at home from the start, it was beautiful too, even tho the circumstances where horrid and heart breaking. The way they had him in his crib with beautiful fabric up around the crib, i will never forget that till the day i die. The other two were my nan and grandad who died withhin ten months of eachother. My nan had a stroke and passed 4 days later, i went it with my stepmum and cried so much, she looked just like my dad and that was shocking to see because she never did wjenshe was alive. And visiting my grandad meant a little more to me in a way because i hadn't visited hik for the two weeks he was in hospital, he had a fall, i kept putting it off till my dad rang me and said he wouldnt make it through the night. I made it just 50 mins before he passed with me my dad and stepmum in the room. I feel it have me a proper chance to say goodbye, even tho he had deteriorated alot by the time his body was released. I dont regret seeing anyone of them.

prosecco. I was with my DH when he died and I also took the children to see him several weeks later in the funeral parlor. It was ok. Sad. But ok. Really it was.

I made the decision to go in and see my grandad today and I'm really glad I did. I was feeling very empty this morning but going in and having a bit of a chat with him and just seeing him helped bring it back that it is real and this allowed me to have a cry which I hadn't yesterday. I'm not sure if I'll go and see him in the funeral home but I feel I've taken two chances to say goodbye now and if I decide not to it'll be ok because of that.

It's such a personal decision and only you can know. I do think culture plays a part though, I'm Irish and have been at wakes and funerals since I was 4. The deceased is a part of the proceedings if that makes sense, in a way they don't seem to be in the UK (apologies if I'm generalising). The upshot is I expect to see a corpse at a wake or in a funeral home in an open coffin, as does everyone I know. Some coffins are closed depending on circumstances of death, but people still turn up to sympathise etc. Sympathies to all who've experienced loss here.

I saw my grandfather on his hospital bed shortly after his death. For myself, I wish I hadn't as the memory of his dead body is always 'there' at the end of all my happy memories of his lifetime. However, my father seemed to want me to be there (his dad) so I'm glad I was able to bring comfort to him and for this reason alone, I don't regret it.

My nan died about 20 years ago and DM asked m at the time if I wanted to see her at the funeral directors. Having seen her go downhill for so long before she passed away, I didn't want my last image of her to be so different from the larger than life, hostess-with-the-mostest personality. So I declined. I find "viewing a body" very macabre.

I saw my Grandma soon after she died (she died at home after a battle with cancer). There were lots of us there, and it was quite comforting in a strange way. She looked very much the same that she looked in her last hours but the "spirit" had gone.

I didn't see her in the funeral home but other family members did. One of the things they commented on was that although she was made to look very "nice" - she did not look like her at all. The shape of her face was different and all her wrinkles were gone. This affected some of my family more than others, and to be honest I'm glad I didn't go.

Twice. I didn't regret it.

When my brother in law died there was an open casket at his funeral and I had no choice as I accompanied my sister up to it. I found it surprisingly comforting as it was clear to me that 'he' was no longer there and kind of clarified to me that our bodies are not 'us'.

When my grandfather died I chose to go to see him at the funeral parlour to seek the same closure. I don't regret it at all but I can see him in the coffin as clear as day over a decade later. It hasn't replaced lovely memories but it has been added to them. He died unexpectedly and I felt I needed to see it for myself.

It has really helped me because when I go to the funeral I will know that the body there is not the loving living laughing person DH was, it's just the shell that contained him. The real man is in my heart and those of our children and grandchildren. I am so glad I went to see him,.

I’ve done it 3 times. Each time I’ve found it very peaceful and I’m glad that I saw them.

I did. A young lady who meant so much to me. Her mother and I searched for the perfect outfit and tiara for her to be lay to rest in. It was a privilege to see her looking so stunning. It's hard to describe. They made her look flawless and amazing.
It depends on many factors though

Not rtft, but I wanted to see my DB, and think it helped at the time. Well, nothing helped actually, apart from time, so essentially I don't think it made a difference that I saw him in his coffin. I suppose it made it very final, no room for denial.

When my Dad died ( I was 25 and pregnant ) my Mum wanted to go in first to see him. She came out and said ' That's not your Dad( her husband) and advised me not to go in. When she died I was with her and was able to spend as long as I wished. I decided that was my goodbye so didn't visit the funeral home.

Bowie I’m sorry for your loss . I think as others have said only you can decide.

I was persuaded to go and see my Dh, and I so wish I hadn’t. It broke my heart to see him and, after nearly 26 years together, that is one of the most vivid memories I have of him :( I fight constantly to get that image out of my head. Yet my dd, who came with me, feels totally differently.

Best wishes

Thanks all. I have decided to go and see her again with my dm's sibling.