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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

My bestfriend has breast cancer....

79 replies

Coathanger · 17/03/2007 11:30

Hi.

I don't come on here as much I used to, but I knwo I can count on MN when I need some advice.

My best friend, who is 32 years old, fit, healthy etc, was diagnosed yesterday with Grade 3 breast cancer. She has had a lump for a long time....years, but last year the consultant told her it was nothing, although he carried out no tests to confirm it. 1 year on, and her prognosis hinges on a bone scan and a CT to assess the spread of the cancer.

She has 2 very young children, too, and the thought of the affect on them is unbearable.

Anyway, I am not very knowledgable about this kind of thing, I mean I check myself etc, and know the risks, but I don't know very much about the disease. So, if anyone has any advice or knowledge, perhaps you could help me

Thanks

xxxxxxxxx

OP posts:

Beauregard · 17/03/2007 11:33

So sorry for your friend
Can't advise as i don't know enough about it.

TrinityRhino · 17/03/2007 11:33

so sorry to hear this awful news
sorry I have no information that could help you

VioletBaudelaire · 17/03/2007 11:34

I can't give any advice I'm afraid, coathanger, but I'm sending postive vibes to you and your friend for the best possible outcome.

ssd · 17/03/2007 11:35

so sorry caothanger

hope someone comes on soon with some knowledge for you

pinkchampagne · 17/03/2007 11:35

Oh god, CH, I'm so sorry. Is it someone I also know?

hunkermunker · 17/03/2007 11:36

Oh, Coathanger I'm so sorry, sweetheart.

How shocking that the consultant didn't carry out further tests - I so hope that her prognosis is good.

Thinking of you - email me if you need a shoulder (don't if you don't though, I won't be offended!).

Much love xxx

VioletBaudelaire · 17/03/2007 11:37

I am sure these people will be able to help and advise.
lavender trust

VioletBaudelaire · 17/03/2007 11:37

They specifically support younger women with breast cancer.

themildmanneredjanitor · 17/03/2007 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catrionasmum · 17/03/2007 11:43

my friend was diagnosed when pregnant with her first, she found breast cancer care really helpful as they have a counselling and support service that matches the person with someone who has been in a similar position. she trained to be a counsellor after this as it was so much help for her. i hope all goes well for your friend and this can help a bit

Tamum · 17/03/2007 11:53

There's a good, authoritative page at Cancer Research UK too. I am very sorry- I do knw a reasonable amount about it but as you say, everything will hinge on the scans now. The only piece of advice I would add is for her to make certain that they have tested her for Her2 positivity- if she's Her2 positive then campaign vigorously for Herceptin. That's something that could help enormously, but only if her tumour is of that type. Good luck to her, and to you- she's lucky to have you xxx

Original poster

Coathanger · 17/03/2007 12:35

Thank you all so much. I have had a browse on the Cancer Research website and found out a bit about grade 3 cancers - my discoveres weren't all that nice unfortunately but at least I know. I will check out the Lavender Trust too.

I am hoping herceptin is an option for her, too.

I think at the moment we are so angry as her consultant sent her away last year and told her she was too young to have breast cancer. but as we all know now, you are never too young

OP posts:

FlossALump · 17/03/2007 12:47

Oh coathanger I'm so sorry. How awful she wasn't taken seriously.

The care for breast cancer sufferers is excellent in most hospitals now - it is one of the governments areas where they get involved IYSWIM. So hopefully now she has been diagnosed things will progress in a more positive way.

If she has to have a mastectomy many hospitals now offer reconstruction at the same time as the removal of the breast. Not always possible depending on the type of tumour/position etc. If not possible there are lots of options for her and a future reconstruction would be available to her on the NHS at any time in the future.

I guess the main thing for her now is keeping her fingers crossed and hoping there is no spread. Then any surgery she has will take a collection of lymph nodes to assess for signs of spread into the lymph system.

Herceptin I believe is available everywhere now. However, it is only offered to women who have they type of tumour which responds to this drug IYSWIM. So she may be offered tamoxifen instead. This is given for a couple of years and then it is switched to a different drug, (can't remember the name) the two combined has a much improved outcome.

She'll probably need to you do nice things, pampering things (my mum had this last year and I sent her for some reflexology) and (i'm sure you'll have done this already) offer to take the kids as much as she would like you too. She may or may not want to carry on as normal.

Really hope these next tests are more positive for her.

Original poster

Coathanger · 17/03/2007 13:25

Thank you Flossalump.

I knew I could depend on MN to help me feel better

OP posts:

CarGirl · 17/03/2007 13:30

CH I really think she should pursue a complaint against the consultant. I had my breast lump checked out - I was 24 - 25 at the most, ok so the lump was painful but that was what made them less concerned about it. It was just a quick stick a needle in biopsy needle took 10 mins of their time which established it was a fatty lump or something - I just don't understand why they didn't check out your friends it's shocking.

My thoughts are with you and your friend.

pinkchampagne · 17/03/2007 19:29

Bumping this for you, CH.xxxx

Socci · 18/03/2007 12:12

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Coathanger · 19/03/2007 07:13

I know Socci, I would sue as well, and I have mentioned it to her. But right now, she is concentrating on the results of the next cuple of tests. I think if they aren't good, she and her family may consider further action, but we will see. Personally, I would sue the ass off him, but she isn't that type....way to kind and understanding...thats what makes her so fab

OP posts:

danceswithaSPRINGinherstep · 19/03/2007 07:21

So sorry. This sort of sh*tty stuff always seems to happen to lovely people. Keeping my fingers crossed for good test outcomes.

jhyesmum · 19/03/2007 09:56

Coathanger - I'm now going through this with my mum. She was diagnosed with Cancer on Thursday.

We don't know where the Cancer is as she was supposed to have a CT Scan today but the machine has broken . she then see's the Chemo people on Wednesday.

She is fading away so quickly.

I am willing time to pass for the Chemo as then she has a chance of recovery (fingers crossed).

I know how you are feeling. It's the shittiest feeling in the world.

i hope your friend gets some treatment quickly, and i'm sure you'll be there to support her.

((((hugs))))

Original poster

Coathanger · 19/03/2007 22:14

jhyesmum - I am sending you loads of positive vibes, love and {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}. I hope your mum gets the treatments she needs and rightly deserves. Good luck and lots of love xxxx

Friend had her CT today. No results yet and she can't have a bones scan til Friday. I'm a bit annoyed as they are dragging this out. She needs treatment NOW, but she will have to wait til next week now. So, all this after being turned away last year....not a great service from NHS

OP posts:

Pinkchampagne · 19/03/2007 22:38

Thinking of you & your friend, coathanger.
I can't believe the hospital are dragging things out. Hope she gets some answers soon & can start her treatment.

XXXX

eliselady · 21/03/2007 16:50

Hi I posted on mumsnet for some support when my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 months ago. I just wanted to say that although all the info about stage and grade is useful, everyone reacts in a different way, and what can seem a bad prognosis turns out much better than you hoped. Dont lose faith, its so important. My bits of advice

Coathanger - the consultant was crap, no doubt. But if there is one bit of good news it is that the cancer has been around a long time and therefore might not be that aggressive - and therefore easier to treat. this was the case with my mum

If you feel the hospital is delaying make a private appointment with a consultant. Pay the money, once they know your face things happen faster. Not fair but true.

Get tested for HER2 so you can get Herceptin if applicaple, but if it isnt the other drugs like tamoxifen are still really effective.

If you have chemo or radiotherapy make sure you know what the increase in survival rate will be and be sure that the person wants to have the treatment for that increase. Sometiimes we are so desperate for people to survive we put them through horrible treatments without asking what the results will be

Find out who the breast cancer support nurses are and use them, they are kind and full of knowledge - invaluable people

sorry its so long.......its all still a bit raw for me, but mum is doing well, so take heart if you can!

Original poster

Coathanger · 24/03/2007 20:31

Hello everyone. Thank you so much for your support and advice.

A quick up date for those who are interested.

My friend has had her CT scan and bone scan. The CT was good, and although there was something visable on her liver, the marks were too uniform apparently to be anything nasty (also the liver is one of the last places this kind of cancer goes to and everywhere else was clear). So that was good news and on that result, the consultant has decided to commence chemo from Monday However, friend had her bone scan on Friday and has not had results yet. She is a littel worried as she felt the radiographers mood changed whilst carrying out the scan, and she read that as her seeing something nasty

So, good news is it hasn't spread to soft tissue and chemo is going to start pretty much immediately. Bad news is we still have no idea about her bones, and as this type spreads very easily to the bones, she is not out of the woods yet

Still praying hard that it is as best as it can be though....

OP posts:

Tamum · 24/03/2007 20:35

Good luck to her, Coathanger. I may be completely wrong here but I would have thought that most radiographers would see bad news too often to let it show, IYSWIM. Has she found out whether they have tested her for Her2 status? Great news about her liver.

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