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Original poster

My bestfriend has breast cancer....

79 replies

Coathanger · 17/03/2007 11:30

Hi.

I don't come on here as much I used to, but I knwo I can count on MN when I need some advice.

My best friend, who is 32 years old, fit, healthy etc, was diagnosed yesterday with Grade 3 breast cancer. She has had a lump for a long time....years, but last year the consultant told her it was nothing, although he carried out no tests to confirm it. 1 year on, and her prognosis hinges on a bone scan and a CT to assess the spread of the cancer.

She has 2 very young children, too, and the thought of the affect on them is unbearable.

Anyway, I am not very knowledgable about this kind of thing, I mean I check myself etc, and know the risks, but I don't know very much about the disease. So, if anyone has any advice or knowledge, perhaps you could help me

Thanks

xxxxxxxxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Coathanger · 31/03/2007 18:03

jhyesmum - I am so sorry I hope that the chemo gives your mum the relieve she needs. It must be so hard to see the person you know and love so much be in so much pain, but she is lucky to have such a caring and loving daughter. I continue to send you lots of love and pray hard for your mum, you and your family. {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}

My friend is fine. The effects of the chemo have worn off a bit now and isn't spending so much time looking down the toilet. Unfortunately, I am not able to see her until the week after Easter to minimise the risk of passing on bugs and infection to her, but we talk lots on the phone or good old MSN!! She has her next lot in a couple of weeks, and then another 3 weeks after that, then I think she is going to have surgery to remove the tumour one way or another. She has made the brave decision to have a bilateral mastectomy, to reduce the risk of it returning. However, she still doesn't have the results of her bone scan, but seeing as they haven't called her back urgently, I am guessing it was clear.....I hope, fingers crossd and tounch wood etc....

OP posts:
pinkchampagne · 31/03/2007 18:07

Fingers crossed the bone scan comes back clear, CH.

jhyesmum · 31/03/2007 18:38

CH- You friend is really brave. She has the determination to get through this.xx

I've just been down to let my dad do a few bits that he needed to do. I sat with mum. She fell a sleep and i just watched her. It's so hard to know that I can't help. Dad is being a superstar and is doing everything he can. I am so lucky to have two fab parents.

Thanks for all your love and prayers. It really helps to be able to tell you how i feel. xx

seb1 · 03/04/2007 22:53

Coathanger let your friend know about this, it might give her a boost look good feel better

Pinkchampagne · 05/04/2007 22:46

Anymore news, CH?

Original poster
Coathanger · 08/04/2007 13:23

I have been away for a week, and in that time we have had good news and bad.

If you remember, my friend had her CT results back and they were apparently all clear. There were some blips on her liver but she was reassured it was nothing to worry about. Well, she had her bone scan results last week, and it was all clear, so that was fantastic news. However, the oncologist was not totally happy with the blips on her liver, so decided to take another look at the CT and, yes, you guessed it, its cancer I cannot believe yet again they got her hopes up just to crush her again. She has been told it is very deep and although the chemo she is having will shrink any tumours, it will not beat it, and any other treatment is not suitable either. The only option is to operate, and the surgeon has requested a second CT after she has completed her chemo. There are pros and cons to surgery - on the one hand, it would be extremely high risk surgery as the liver is very vasular and the risk of fatal bleeding is high, however, on the plus side, the fact it is so vasular makes it very resiliant to damage and our livers repair themselves very well. The tumours are also secondary, so not as high grade, and also all in one place.

So, although she has moved from stage 3 to stage 4, and it is obviously more wide spread than first thought, she has options. I haven't spoken to her yet since I came home from holiday (no reply at home, which is a bit worrying, and she is neutropenic (sp) at the mo so I can't go see her ) but from the texts I received whilst away, she is uderstandably very low.

jhyesmum - it is a pleasure to listen, hun. Even if we can't offer constuctive advice, I hope just listening is a relief in itself. Still thinking of you {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

OP posts:
jhyesmum · 08/04/2007 13:52

Oh coathanger, send ((((hugs)))) to your friend. She can get through this.

Mum had chemo tuesday. And.......... since wednesday she has been great. Obviously she is still very weak and poorly, but her eyes are so clear and she is cohearant. She is eating a little something every two hours and she is really fighting. Yesterday, she even put her 'eyes' on and she really looked like my mum again.

We are still taking one day at a time because thing's could change tomorrow. We have had that many blows, we are very cautious.

she has more chemo on tuesday, and she also has a bone scan then too, to see where she needs radiotherepy.

Thanks for hugs xx

Hope you had a good hols coathanger.

Original poster
Coathanger · 08/04/2007 14:18

Oh jhyesmum, I am so pleased to hear your mum is more herself. You know, your mum has such strength around her that I am sure it will rub off and get her through this. You are a such a pillar of support to her. You are a star xx

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jhyesmum · 08/04/2007 15:08

Ch you are so lovely.

As you know it is so tough. I really thought we'd lost her last week, so to see her like this at the moment is fab.

Cooking roast beef for tea, so am making sure Mum and Dad have some too. Also, it's dad's birthday tomorrow and i'm doing him a cake. He so deserves it.xx

Original poster
Coathanger · 08/04/2007 15:20

You all deserve to kick back and relax and enjoy the holiday weekend and the sunshine (hope it IS sunny where you are!) Hope your Dad has a lovely birthday And YUMMY!! roast beef...

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jhyesmum · 08/04/2007 15:25

I know, I love roast beef!!

Yep, we're lovely and sunny in Norfolk. Washing on the line. DH out on his motorbike in Hunstanton. DS playing his PS2 as he got a new game for easter. And i'm about to hoover before I sort my veg out!

Mummy only lives down the road, so as soon as i'm dished up i'm meals on wheels!!

Where abouts are you??

Original poster
Coathanger · 08/04/2007 15:37

I'm in East Kent and it is glorious here! Like you I have washing on the line (however, there is a tonne more to go out ) DH is doing some outdoor DIY, but I can't for the life of me get kids outside to play....they insist on playing upstairs - ah well at least they are playing nicely and not fighting, which is more normal. I refuse to do anymore housework today other than washing as I want to make the most of the fine weather and, besides, I will be very busy lext week writing essays for uni and trying to catch up on some reading

OP posts:
boysontoast · 08/04/2007 15:41

this is a book one of my mothers' long term girlfriends used to turn her cancer around. she was desribed a miracle by consultants at the royal marsden.

good luck. to you both.

Original poster
Coathanger · 08/04/2007 15:43

Thank you Boysontoast (love the name!). I will check this book out and maybe pick it up for friend. Thanks xxx

OP posts:
jhyesmum · 08/04/2007 15:48

Thanks very much!!

CH - I too have tons more washing to do!! It's like a chinese laundry!!

boysontoast · 08/04/2007 17:03

youre very welcome. i just hope your friend finds comfort and strength in her fight, wheter from the book or from anywhere else.
my heart truly goes out to you both.

jj131 · 11/04/2007 11:40

There is an organization in the U.S.for young women diagnosed with breast cancer called The Young Survival Coalition. I know some of the people involved in it and it's a fabulous group and they are a great source for endless helpful information about breast cancer. Their website is www.youngsurvival.org -- really worth checking out.

Good luck and best wishes to your friend.

Original poster
Coathanger · 12/04/2007 22:10

Another update on my friend...

I saw her on Tuesday and she was really well! I was so relieved to see she was doing do well, I even had to tell her off for using her daughters skipping rope to skip up her drive as I was leaving!!! But it was so lovely to see.

But there has been a set back today. I heard from her earlier and she said she had a pain on one side of her back and was worried it was a kidney infection. Then tonight I had another text saying she was in hospital, has got an infection and her immune system is pretty much non-existant. This means she can't have her second chemo on Monday and they want to keep her in hospital.

This is a blow she could really do without. I'm not sure what the delay in her chemo will mean as far as progress is concerned (perahps somebody here has an idea)but I am hoping this is just another little blip.

For the first time since she was diagnosed, I am scared I am losing my friend. I am worried this is the slippery slope and things will just continue to get worse....

OP posts:
jhyesmum · 14/04/2007 08:42

Hi Coathanger - just be strong for her. It is so,so difficult i know.

We have to be really careful around mum because of her imune system after chemo incase of infection. I'm sure as soon as the infection subsides, they'll start her chemo again.

It's so hard, but she'll get there xx

pinkchampagne · 23/04/2007 23:26

Oh CH, so sorry to hear your friend has had more bad news. I am sure she appreciates you being around for her & being a fantastic friend.
I have everything crossed for a positive result for her. I know this must be so hard for you.xxx

Original poster
Coathanger · 24/04/2007 20:40

Hello all

Sorry I haven't been on for a while, but I have been working on my placement and have been really busy.

Anyway, there has been a development. Friend finally received her second chemo 2 days after it was originally scheduled, after her kidney infestion, but her specialist wanted to see her. She has been told that the liver cancer is not curable . Its treatable, but not curable, so I am presuming that they mean she will never be free of the cancer on her liver, but it can be delayed and she will have time.

We are all really devestated, least alone her. She is not coping well and I haven'nt spoken to her for about a week coz she hasn't been up to talking I have been texting her but thats all the contact we have.

jhyesmum - how are things with you hun? How are things going?

OP posts:
pooka · 24/04/2007 20:46

Oh Coathanger
That's just terrible. Particularly when her lump was dismissed at an earlier stage.
She must be devastated. It's my biggest fear - leaving the children behind when they're young.
I hope she has lots of time to spend with her little ones.

pinkchampagne · 24/04/2007 22:35

Oh CH, I am so so sorry to hear about your friends bad news.

I can't begin to imagine how awful she must be feeling & I'm so so sorry.

Don't know what to say honey, other than I'm so sorry & you know where I am.xxxxx

jhyesmum · 30/05/2007 11:00

Hi,

Just wanted to drop in to tell you all that Mum died on the 21st May. Me, my dad and my sis were all with her.

We had the funeral yesterday and she was buried, so at least I can go and see her when I want.

I miss her so, so much that it actually hurts, but she was hurting more.

xxxxxx

robinpud · 30/05/2007 11:17

jhyesmum
I am so terribly sorry to hear of your loss. I hope that your mum didn't suffer too mcuh at the end and that you and your dad and sister can support each other. It has been so quick understandably you must be in deep shock. Take the time to grieve in what ever way is right for you,
Best wishes Robinpud