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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My dad died on Tuesday

140 replies

runkid · 08/03/2007 23:00

My dad was finally able to rest in piece after dying in my arms at home.
It has been horrible watching him waste away over the last month as he was such an active man and was not used to being ill.
I miss that kind gentle man and cannot believe i will never see him again

OP posts:
paulaplumpbottom · 11/03/2007 09:44

I'm so sorry

PavlovtheCat · 11/03/2007 20:40

I am so very very sorry for your loss. My mum died a few weeks ago, after struggling with cancer. I know how you feel. I am thinking of you [[[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]]

morningpaper · 11/03/2007 20:42

x

morningpaper · 11/03/2007 20:44

Runkid are you/can you see a counsellor? They are so good with grief issues - just a session or two and you would know if it was right for you.

Reading your OP again and it strikes me just how LUCKY you are to feel that way about your father, and to have had a relationship with him, and to have been there at the end.

Rest in peace Runkid's Daddy. xxx

pinkchampagne · 11/03/2007 20:54

I'm so so sorry, runkid.x

paddingtonbear1 · 11/03/2007 21:02

runkid I am so sorry for your loss. My mother died of cancer a couple of years ago, she too looked awful at the end. She was always active before being ill, and this is how I like to remember her. sending you {{{hugs}}}

linjasmom · 11/03/2007 21:08

runkid, I agree with counselling, but if that does not appeal to you, I think talking might be helpful. So if you want and need to, talk talk talk. That's what MN is for! Take care...

PavlovtheCat · 11/03/2007 21:11

I agree with Linjasmom, MN helped me enormously over the last few weeks.

Original poster
runkid · 12/03/2007 00:04

Thanx everyone i will be talking and i had counselling when my ds was born as i had PND and reactive depression from mum dying. I am awaiting psychotherapy as the counselling thought i had issues that go back to my adoption etc etc you are all very kind and it is much appreciated

OP posts:
morningpaper · 12/03/2007 22:06

good luck runkid xx

Mollyolly · 12/03/2007 22:47

Hi Runkid

My father died from cancer at the end of January - I was alone with him at the time - it was an immense privilege to spend his last few hours with him. Like you, Runkid I feel I have had no time to grieve - my father cared for my mother right to the end and she has now moved into a nursing home near me - the months have been taken up with moving her, sorting the house, probate, job and family and there seems to be so little space for my dad - I hope that at some point I will be able to spend some time with my thoughts for him. I adored my dad and miss him terribly. I too feel that I suddenly have to be the grown up - although I still have my mum I am having to make all the decisions and feel that she is more like another child at the moment - I have moved up a generation and sometimes yearn for someone to look after me, instead of me looking after everyone else! We are all doing so much adjusting - we will get there but it will take time.

Original poster
runkid · 13/03/2007 02:58

Mollyolly its nice to know im not alone and to hear that other people feel the same way.I no time is a great healer and my dad would want me to be happy.

OP posts:
Original poster
runkid · 14/03/2007 11:29

Im having a bad day to day its dads funeral tomorrow and i went to see him at the chapel of rest yesterday i think it is finally sinking in

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 14/03/2007 11:31

only just seen this runkid. I'm sorry for your loss.

NomDePlume · 14/03/2007 11:33

The days between the person passing and the funeral are always awful, it is such a limbo, you don't feel like you can start to even think about putting the pieces back together until you have laid them to rest. Things will get better for you, give yourself time to grieve for him, it's obvious how much he meant to you.

crystalpony · 14/03/2007 11:33

Runkid, I feel absolutely gutted for you. My mum has terminal cancer we have just been told last week that there is no further treatment and I am in shock and petrified of facing what you are going through right now and I hope you can be brave and know that so many people are thinking of you and you are not alone and try to see it as a celebration of his life.

Am thinking of you xx

Original poster
runkid · 14/03/2007 11:41

crystalpony im so sorry to here about your mum I no it is a terrible shock we only found out dad had cancer in september and they told us from the start it was pallative care they could offer. I will be thinking of you also xx

OP posts:
RubyRioja · 14/03/2007 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

auntiflo · 14/03/2007 16:08

Runkid, my Dad died 6 months ago and like Mollyolly I've still not found time to grieve, consequently I collapse at really inappropriate times. I've booked myself in for counselling, I too have deepset issuse that I need to deal with in order to move on.
Good luck tomorrow, I found I could breath easier once the funeral was over, we had a party, a celeb of his life, 6 weeks later and that was lovely. Thinking of you. xx

Original poster
runkid · 14/03/2007 22:57

Thanx auntieflo

OP posts:
PavlovtheCat · 14/03/2007 23:01

Crystalpony - my mum also passed away 7 weeks ago from cancer. She was diagnosed in May had some treatment which was not succesful. It is tough for sure, but you will find a way to cope, like others on this thread.
There is a lot of support out there, make sure you use it, now and in the future.
MN is a great start. I found lots of help and support from people who have and have not experienced greif, advice, sympathy, sometimes just hugs.
Run - I hope you are feeling ok [[hugs]

PavlovtheCat · 14/03/2007 23:04

Runkid - I will be thinking of you tomorrow.
I too found the funeral a time of easing of the intense pressure. I am not saying it became easier, but it allows you to discard a certain amount of tension. I think the funeral is very personal to each person. I personally found I did not want to share my grief, which made me feel isolated. I felt that no-one could possibly understand what I was going through and I did not really want them to. However, lots of people take great comfort in the support and show of affection given towards their loved ones. I hope you are able to do that.
again]]

crystalpony · 14/03/2007 23:04

Thanks Pavlov. My mum actually had a mastectomy three years ago - she was never given the all clear, but it seemed to be under control, but now it has spread... she is being extremely stoic and saying things like she is lucky as she's had three years she might not have done etc which is true, but it's so hard to imagine life without your mum. I feel that even at 35, I'm still far too young not to have my mum for the rest of my life - I'm just trying to get my head around it all.

I'm terribly sorry for your loss and I hope you are managing to cope as best you can with it as it still must be so fresh to you... It does mean a lot to know that others can truly empathise with these feelings.

PavlovtheCat · 14/03/2007 23:12

crystal - I would not say I am coping. Rather, pushing it all to the back of my mind. I always thought I was quite open with my feelings and that I would be able to share my feelings with people around me. But I do still feel numb, almost like it has not happened. I am only just now I think starting to realise the reality that mum is not here. I miss her terribly.

Like you mum was also stoic. She got to meet my 8 month old LO, and to spend xmas with us. She said, her time was her time, the only difference between her time and ours was that she knew her fate, we did not yet, that it would be her time whether she knew it or not. She was 66 years old, I am 29. I am also the youngest.

Your mum sounds incredibly brave and so do you. Keep strong, you will get through it.

PavlovtheCat · 14/03/2007 23:16

runkid - I read Desiderata by Max Erhmann at my mum's funeral. She used to keep it on her bedroom wall. It captured her spirit and view of life and was very appropriate for her.

Are you doing a reading of any kind at your dad's service?

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