Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My dad died on Tuesday

140 replies

runkid · 08/03/2007 23:00

My dad was finally able to rest in piece after dying in my arms at home.
It has been horrible watching him waste away over the last month as he was such an active man and was not used to being ill.
I miss that kind gentle man and cannot believe i will never see him again

OP posts:
Beauregard · 09/03/2007 21:58

runkid,i am so sorry to hear this

ScoobyDooooo · 09/03/2007 22:01

I am so soory for your loss runkid

MrsPhilipGlenister · 09/03/2007 22:04

I am sorry, runkid. Best wishes to you.

Posey · 09/03/2007 22:04

So sorry. Hope you can find some inner strength to get you through this time. Do you have someone to support you?

Havepassportwilltravel · 09/03/2007 22:11

dearest Runkid - I was so sorry to hear this - my dad died after a 14th month battle with cancer which he really really never stood a chance of winning so I have a small idea of how you might be feeling at the moment.
the thing that I had to deal with which I found hardest was to accept that I was not a bad person for feeling some sort of relief when he died - relief that all the pain and suffering was over for him, relief that the indignity he felt of having to be nursed by his daughters had ended, relief that the effect of the morphine was not a problem for him anymore, relief that I no longer had to face the fear of his dying - all of that was over.
The most crucial thing for me was to find one person (at least) that I could talk to about my dad - remember stories, laughter and silliness - who was able to do that. Most people will be really uncomfortable talking about your dad or facing your griff and it made a huge difference to me that I had one person who just sat and looked at photos etc
THat said, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this truly awful loss. I shall hold you close in my heart.

RubyRioja · 09/03/2007 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
runkid · 10/03/2007 08:14

I am looking forward to sometime alone just to have a good cry and also i am a bit scared to be alone to deal with everything. My brother is not home yet and doesnt appear to be staying more than a day and is then going to visit his wifes family i feel a bit hurt(he lives abroad){sad}

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 10/03/2007 08:29

I am sorry. Remember to be kind to yourself if you can.

daisy26 · 10/03/2007 17:28

I'm sorry to hear that, I have had 3 family members die of cancer and they were all healthy and didn't smoke. My gdad anv is tues he's been gone for 7 years now but it still hurts tho and think bt them all the time, he was irish so st patricks day being few days l8r,can't sometimes do it, being all happy wiv irish songs, even tho i know he'd want me to ave a good time. I suppose u learn to carry on with life, i dnt know how we all do it, but people do i suppose

Elibean · 10/03/2007 20:02

I'm so sorry Runkid xxx

themaskedposter · 10/03/2007 20:05

dreadfully sorry for you runkid!
FIL going through this now
horrible, horrible, horrible

I could swear my heart out (and I am not a swearing person) about Cancer and what a friggen nasty thing it is

xxx

ohsmellyjelly · 10/03/2007 20:06

Message withdrawn

honeybrown · 10/03/2007 20:19

Runkid, so sorry that you are going through this.x

princesscc · 10/03/2007 20:36

runkid [hugs] Please make sure you talk to us! Just talk, talk, talk. We will never get bored of listening. My dad died when I was only 10 and I am very much older than that now! But there are very few days that go by when I don't give him a thought. It will get easier, but you must keep talking about him. I know you will feel that you can't burden your rl friends with it anymore, but we are here.

Lizzer · 10/03/2007 20:38

runkid, this hit home as dp and i have just gone through it in Jan.... Its a terrible time, and it takes so long to get back to remembering any good times, but in time you will be able to smile again. At the silly things, at the littlest things, at everything.... xxxx

chocolateshoes · 10/03/2007 20:39

I am so sorry Runkid, take care

Original poster
runkid · 10/03/2007 21:06

Thankyou everyone you are all very kind. Well today is the first time i have been alone since my darling dad went to be with my mum and i feel like i am stuck in limbo.I still cant really believe that i am never going to see my dad again I hope i did enough and that he new how much i loved him and that i was with him at the end.

OP posts:
Lullabyloo · 10/03/2007 21:15

oh rk
{{{{hugs}}}}}for you sweetheart.x

mckenzie · 10/03/2007 21:16

You will see you dad again though Runkid, when the time is right. And I'm sure he knew how much you loved and cared for him, and still do even though he is no longer with you.
Hang in there and remember that eventually, your fond memories will be more powerful than your grief.

sauce · 10/03/2007 21:18

runkid, my heart goes out to you. Losing my father is one of my greatest fears. Sending you courage, comfort, prayers and hugs. xx

fireflyfairy2 · 10/03/2007 21:27

We had this read at grandad's funeral & it seemed so fitting:

Down a road that's calm and peaceful,
Guided by God's loving hand,
He has gone upon a journey
To a distant, brighter land.
And although our hearts are heavy
With sorrow we still bear,
It helps to bring us comfort,
Knowing he is happy there.

I'm sorry for you loss runkid

Original poster
runkid · 10/03/2007 21:41

Thats lovely fff2

OP posts:
linjasmom · 11/03/2007 00:55

I am sure that he knew. My Ma was in a coma right before she died, but I just know that she knew we were there. She hung on until my db got there and then passed away.... Take care now, I will be thinking of you!

Original poster
runkid · 11/03/2007 09:14

I no this may sound strange maybe to some people but i feel like i have been orphaned for the second time in my life (I am adopted)and i have always struggled with people leaving me eg boyfriends etc. When my mum died i was a complete mess and my pain was hard to cope with so i didnt deal with it and then had a break down two years later. I dont want to do that again but not sure how to stop myself.

OP posts:
CAM · 11/03/2007 09:40

Sending you lots of love and hugs runkid xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx