Grief Counseling - experience?

[lemonzest123]

Hi all, especially friends of lemon,

Blergh. I'm on my way to my first grief counseling session. Has anyone been? What's it like? I'm dreading it already.

How did you get on? I have had an assessment session and today had a voicemail to phone and make an appointment for my 1st proper session.

Hope you're ok, I gave read that it can quite exhausting x

I hated it. She was mean

Mean?? How??

I've my first one in a few weeks but the lady at my assessment was lovely.

We talked a lot about my inability to cope with things by myself and she suggested I'm using new DP as a replacement for drugs as a coping mechanism

Felt a failure.

Even if that's true you're not a failure.

I've been going for a year. It's upsetting and difficult at times, but you come away feeling lighter and understanding certain behaviour patterns. I was using alcohol as a coping mechanism but I managed to break the habit by understanding why that was.

It can be a long process but beneficial in the long run. Losing my DM has changed me dramatically as a person and the counselling sessions help me to make some sense of it all.

Thanks, I really hope it gets better. I'm going again today.

She's completely nwrong about DP...I WAS in a toxic relationship with someone while my mum was dying but current DP is absolutely wonderful and helped me more than I can say.

I wonder if she said it just to be provocative because I can be quite closed off.

Will report back!

I hated mine. Felt totally pointless. They're dead and talking about it isn't going to change that.

Thanks trucking, glad to know if that's the conclusion I come to I'm not the only one!

This sounds really awful and judgey but I'm going to say it anyway....

On a few occasions she said things that made me think she wasn't even listening to what I was saying.

Change counsellors!

You don't need an emotional battering each time you go.

You certainly don't need someone who's following some kind of script in their head that doesn't correspond to you.

Cluncellong can be amazing, life changing. But not until you find the right counsellor.

I feel under pressure to have a positive experience because DF says he won't go if I don't get on with it

Can I please just interject to say that if you hate your counsellor then you can get another one!

Counselling is supposed to be about helping you find your own way through an emotional time - telling you what to do or judging you should not be part of the process.

Everyone deals with grief in their own way, sometimes it can help to talk to an impartial, as with anything it can depend on how that impartial clicks with you. The reason it can be really useful is because if you want to change to someone else or not go back then you can do so with no offence taken!

Suggested methods of coping gained from experience and training are as far as counselling should go, it should mainly be a safe space for expression unless the counsellor is also highly qualified in dealing with mental health (e.g. a psychiatrist).

xpost misc!

OP you are not responsible for how others manage their grief.

Some guidance from the directory;

"What should I be looking for in a counsellor or psychotherapist?

Currently there are no official rules or regulations in place that stipulate what level of training a bereavement counsellor needs. However, it is recommended that you check to see if your therapist is experienced in this area.

A Diploma level qualification (or equivalent) in bereavement counselling or a related topic will provide assurance and peace of mind that your counsellor has developed the necessary skills.

Another way to assure they have undergone this type of specialist training is to check if they belong to a relevant professional organisation representing counsellors dealing with bereavement."

In short beware who you choose because anyone can do it, if you are not comfortable then trade.

Sorry for the long posts, a subject close to my heart.

Can I ask how you found the grief counsellor?

Yes. But I found myself resenting most of my blood relatives rather than talking about the issue. I quit in the end because it was doing my head in. It helped me to start being kind to myself. It taught me grieving can be selfish at times. It can help sometimes you get pissed off with repeating the whole rigmarole of it all and just want to move on with life without hurting over the loss. You do find a way to cope somehow. Look after yourself.

Well...It was much much better. I got so depressed on the way over there thinking about all the things that are so messed up and all the feelings it's raised and by the time I got there it was a real relief to offload!

I think that by voicing what in normally internal moosh....The actual process of selecting the words to describe the feeling....Helps you understand your own feelings a bit. It gives nuance to what was previously nonsensical mush!

Child Bereavement U.K. are amazing.