The support I had on the last thread was amazing so thought Id continue it.
For anyone catching up, my DH died between christmas and new year. He had been struggling with depression and a cocaine and steroid addiction. His behaviour in the last 6 months got totally out of control. He was drink driving, disappearing for days, sneaking out in the middle of the night. We hAd two weeks apart at the beginning of December during which time he lived with a friend. He insisted he was clean during these 2 weeks but I later found out he wasn't. He moved back home for 2 weeks but christmas was a disaster and he told me on xmas eve (whilst he was drunk and high) that I was his trigger that made him do these silly things and he wanted to leave.
He went to stay with his mum on December 28th although we were still very much a family. He came to the family home for tea after work, we took the kids out togetehr, then he went to sleep at his mums. I thought I was giving him family life without the pressure.
On Tuesday 29th December I picked DH up after work and we went home and played playdoh with the kids for an hour. I took him to the shops to get a couple of bits he needed and then dropped him to his mums as me and DC were going to my dads for an hour. I called DH on my way home to see if he wanted to see the kids before they went to bed but he said he was busy. He came to the house at 10pm as I had made his food for work for the following day and we had a cuddle on the sofa. At 10.30pm when he was back at his mums he text me "is this the way it's going to be from now on?" And I replied "I think so, until you sort yourself out". The texts went on and he explained that he was sorry for putting us through this and how much he loved me. I said I loved him too but I couldn't understand how we had got here and that he seemed to be so much happier being away from us. He text me at 11pm saying "I love you, I love my parents and I love our babies but you're all better off without me xxxxxxxx". And that was the last anyone heard from him.
He has sent me that same text I don't know how many times over the years. I usually get a text half an hour later saying "I'm being a tit, ignore me".
I didn't get another text this time. I text him back a few times but thought he was playing games with me so I went to sleep.
I called him in the morning at 8.15am but there was no answer. I thought he was in work so I tried again at 10.15 when he goes on break. It went straight to answer phone. I still hadn't heard from him at 5pm and I was a little worried but assumed he was on a bender. At 11pm the police knocked the door to say his van had been found in the sea.
It took 10 days to recover my beautiful husband's body.
He left behind me and our 2 babies (4&5). I feel as though the world has come crashing down on us. Dd (5) misses him terribly and is struggling massively. She is terrified that I am going to die and her behaviour is just awful at the moment. DS (4) is absolutely fine. He talks about his daddy very matter of factly.
To top off an already horrific situation, there is a rumour going around that ive been having an affair with DHs best friend for months. My MiL quite evidently blames me for DHs death. And i now have to deal with the awful situation of getting probate sorted so I can sell our house. And then there's the inquest to deal with.
It's all so so shit.